What are the acceptable and sinless signs of affection in a relationship? ( Kisses, hugs, touch.....)

Dear young woman,

You are now asking: "What are the acceptable and sinless signs of affection in a relationship? ( Kisses, hugs, touch.....)"

It is less about the gestures and more about what is in the heart, what are the motivations, what is it that we are really desiring, seeking, wanting?

When a touch, a hug, a kiss comes toward you, is he coming to "take" something from you, or is he offering something to you? Also, what is it that you want and desire? Is it in accord with God's plan for our happiness? Is it in accord with what God wants for you, what God is calling you to do?

A man and a woman can stand face to face, holding hands. He moves his face a little closer, but respectfully waits. She moves her face a little closer, which he interprets as her willingness to do more; so, he kisses her gently. She receives the kiss also gently.

Then suddenly, to her surprise, he kisses or grabs her more passionately - the male hormones tends to put men into "overdrive" - in a kind of frenzy in which he is no longer in control of his actions and his whole body is driving him towards relief of the pressure he feels... which basically is relieved when his genitals expel the sperm and he then experiences a "rinsing out" of hormones and the pressure is relieved. When husband and wife are intimate, after the man has ejaculated, if he was previously tired, he will often fall asleep then.

A woman's problem and challenge is that what began so gently and respectfully has suddenly transformed into something far more passionate, perhaps even, from her point of view, a bit violent, or even very violent. Now she tries to push him away and says "No!" but he doesn't understand, or he thinks she is just playing with him, and so he continues. It becomes a big problem. The reason it becomes so confusing is that the two of them did not talk it out clearly beforehand. In every relationship, these things must be made very clear; otherwise, the risk remains for misunderstanding and misery.

You see, a woman's "weakness" or "vulnerability" is her desire to please. She is afraid to say "No!" to the man she desires when he wants "more" physical affection from her, because she is afraid he will be displeased and may even reject her and look for someone else who will more easily give him what he wants. Woman is afraid of being unloved, of being rejected, or remaining alone, abandoned. That is why it is so important for fathers to love their daughters well; so that they already know they are loved and lovable and don't need to find a boy to love them. What God says to all his daughters is this:

"Be not afraid. If when you say "No!" to the man you like and he then rejects you and goes away; rejoice, and be glad, for he was not worthy of you. If you had stayed with him, he would only have brought you heartache. Conserve your "treasures" carefully, my daughter, and keep them for the man I your God and Creator, your heavenly Father, have in mind for you, a man truly worthy of you, who will respect you and not try to take from you that which you will freely choose to give him on the day you commit your lives to one another for life, on your wedding day. Then, even after the wedding day, for the rest of your lives together, such a good man will never try to "take" anything from you. On the contrary, he will study you and learn what pleases you and make many efforts to give you tenderness and affection in ways that truly please you and cherish you as his beloved."

I wrote everything I wrote in the last email because the challenge never goes away that the woman and the man experience everything differently. That means you must always be "on alert" to be aware of your dignity, your goals, and your limits. You, each of you, need to explore these things, and to understand more completely what it is that you want in your life.

Do you want to know and to do the will of God? Do you want to love God and to embrace the plan He has for your life? What about your boyfriend? Does he want to know and to do the will of God? Do he want to love God and to embrace the plan He has for his life?

To answer your question in a different way, expressions of affection between boys and girls should never be different than what would be appropriate for brother and sister or for children with their parents and relatives. No one should engage in anything more "passionate" outside of marriage, because the way God our Creator designed woman and man, once the affectionate gestures cross over into passionate embrace, then hormones "take over" and "drive them towards union" and towards the "creation of new life", that is, the fertilization by the man of the woman's eggs. Before marriage, touching, hugging, and kissing must remain gentle, and "brief", so as to avoid stirring up the fires of passion. Once the fire is lit, it is almost impossible to stop.

Women must be very understanding and considerate of men, who are much more easily and much more quickly "aroused" and burst into raging fire. For their part, men must be very mature and disciplined, and learn how to master their own impulses and passions. Otherwise, they are unsafe for the women in their lives, and they will be incapable of being chaste, respectful of their wife, or faithful to her.

You see, we are all affected or "infected" by the thinking, the values, and the behaviour of the world, of the society, of the culture around us. We "swim" in it like fish in the water. We "take in" countless impressions, images, and emotions from this culture, and much of what we "take in" is in accord with pagan values or even total lack of values. One dominant "value" or "negative value" in our culture is "If it feels good, do it." But what often "feels good" to the man does not "feel good" to the woman, which is why there are so many sexual abuse and harassment cases in the courts.

If we really want to live life fully and to enjoy the abundance of life God wants to give us, we need to conduct ourselves according to God's standards, and not according to the world's standards.

On another of my Blogger pages, you will find several articles and links on a wide variety of topics around human sexuality, love, fertility, and happiness - Field Hospital for Meaning, Purpose, and Fulfillment in Human Intimacy and Sexuality. 

Does this begin to help to clarify this question for you?

If you email me, I will be very happy to respond to you, either of you, or better yet, both of you. You will find a button to easily email me if you go to my home page and scroll down a little or simply go here: EMAIL ME.

Peace to you and your families. God is with you; you can trust in Him. You can trust in Jesus, the Divine Mercy.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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A young woman or young man asks: "How can we conduct ourselves in such a way as to have a chaste relationship before God?"

My very dear young woman, here are a few thoughts for you and your boyfriend. My very dear young man, here are a few thoughts for you and your girlfriend.

First of all, I wouldn't be surprised if it is you, the woman, who is asking me this question, and not the man. You are asking "how to conduct yourselves as girlfriend and boyfriend so that your relationship will be a chaste relationship." As you will see, the fact that you, the woman, who is asking this question, this is already an indication of the things I am about to share with you. If the young man is asking me this question; then, I will be very impressed with him, that he would have this capacity to care so much for the other as well as for himself. I will be very interested to continue this as a chat with both of you, you, young woman, and your boyfriend, by email, if this is something you would like to do. You can easily find on my home page, if you scroll down a little, a button for sending me an email. What follows is fairly lengthy, but then your question touches on very deep things.

When I was in high school, a boys only school on our side - the girls were with religious sisters on the other side - some of my classmates wanted to know, at 16 years old, "Brother, how far can we go?" He was asking the question in thinking about going out with his girlfriend.

Well, that is a normal question I think for a 16-year-old boy, and perhaps also the girl.

However, there is wisdom, I think, in the difference that God our Creator built into women and men. We are definitely made, designed, different, which means that we experience these things differently, and therefore, we react differently.

Generally speaking, in the vast domain of human relationships, it is quite true to say that human males, from puberty on, without even thinking about it, just by being male human beings, in approaching their relationships with girls as boys or with women as men, sexual intimacy tends to be quite prominent in their bodies, minds, imaginations, hearts, and perhaps even in their souls. This is primarily because their sexual sensitivity is "on the outside".

Human females, on the other hand, while they are also "fully equipped sexually", their sexual sensitivity is "on the inside". That is because God designed the human female to be the "host" of the "new life" that happens when the female's "eggs" begin to "ripen" and descent towards the place where they are likely to meet the spermatozoa contributed by the male. Our Creator designed our human sexuality entirely around this capacity we have to "create new life", which makes us "in God's image and likeness". Therefore, God made woman to be resilient, to "last" through almost any human difficulty or calamity. Think of your own mothers, grandmothers, and aunts. Just ask any woman who finds it hard to lose weight, and she will tell you that this is so. When there is a famine, men will die sooner than women, because God designed women to be able to nurse their babies as long as possible during calamities.

This means, then, that God our Creator designed women "to give life, to nurture life". For this and other reasons, in approaching their relationships with men, just as it is also true for girls with boys, the human female tends to have foremost in her body, mind, imagination, heart, and soul not sexual sensitivity, but rather the relationship itself, in other words, friendship, fraternity, and simple caring about the other.

This is why in the course of the "battles" between boys and girls, men and women, the males tend to be "pushed" by their internal pressures "towards sexual pleasure and gratification"; whereas the females tend to be "drawn" by their need and desire for relationship, for friendship, to simply know from others that they are "lovable" and "loved". No sexual activity is needed for her to be satisfied. All she needs is for him to look into her eyes, to walk with her, to hold her hand, and to chat with her and "talk about a million things".

This continues to be true all through life. In marriage, the woman is called the "bride" and the man is called the "bridegroom". The wisdom contained in these terms already contains the truth that, in God our Creator's design, He has made the female so "rich", so "full of life", so "attentive and giving" of herself, so generous in "all that she says and does for others", that she deserves to be appreciated, valued, defended, cherished, and cared for. Men can very easily be selfish... just look at the world around us and at all the conflicts worldwide and you will see how little men think of woman and children when they make war on one another. So, then, the man is called the "bridegroom" because God designed him to have all he needs in order to appreciate, value, defend, cherish, and care for the women in his life: beginning with his mother and grandmother, his aunts and cousins, his sisters, and all the other females that come into his life.

When a husband truly is and truly lives like a bridegroom and "grooms" his wife well, cares for her and cherishes her every single day of their lives; then, his wife notices this and values him in return. She knows she has a real treasure, and she attaches herself to him. When they spend much "couple time" together, chatting, sharing, listening, holding hands, looking into each others' eyes... then they experience a real "fullness of intimacy" in their way of living together and relating to one another, caring for one another, all day and all night, all week long, for their whole lives. Then, the actual sexual intimacy happens very naturally to them. As they pay attention to one another, they give "signals" to one another to "approach", to "come nearer", and if they truly CARE for the OTHER, they pay attention to these signals, and nothing happens that either doesn't want, and there only happens what they both want. This is the perfect "nest" in which new life can be conceived.

However, when men don't fully understand or were never initiated or mentored into their identity, place, and role "as a man" in this world; then there is a risk for men, as for boys, to "follow their instincts, their impulses" which, if left unmoderated, ungoverned, makes human males into "big penises on wheels". That is how it happens at parties and on college and university campuses, in workplaces, and anywhere in society that a man "thinks" the woman is "saying yes" when in fact she really wants to "say no". That is how date rape happens, and sexual harassment and violence. The simple fact that a man "finds her attractive" can give him the impression she is "saying yes", but in actual fact, if he bothered to read all the signs and to take the time to find out how she really feels, he would probably find out that at this time, and in this situation, she probably wants to "say no".

A woman's weakness is her desire to please, to give life, to nurture life, to "say yes to life".  That is primarily what makes women the "weaker sex"; it is not that she is weak, because as I wrote above, God our Creator designed woman to be resilient. A man's weakness is his inclination to think of himself first, and not to put the other first. When he does that, he can allow himself to be dominated by his "sexual drive" which propels him "towards the goal", which is not the relationship, not the good of the other, but his own satisfaction, to "relieve the sexual pressure" driving him onward.

That is why it is so important for parents, for mothers and fathers AS COUPLES to educate and form their children well, both boys and girls, to understand themselves, to understand the purpose of life, to learn how to put others first, to learn how to notice, understand, and "master" within themselves their human drives and inclinations, and also to understand how different these things are in boys and girls, in men and women, and how to take care not to take advantage of others.

I have read, for example, that some good fathers take great care to love their girls and to show each of them how beautiful and lovable their are. Some fathers give each of their daughters a beautiful ring on their 16th birthday to demonstrate to her how much he loves her as her father and to let her know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that she is not only lovable, but lovely, and loved. She no longer needs to try to find from boyfriends this knowledge, because her own father makes it very clear to her that she is "fully equipped" for life, that she holds in herself an infinitely precious treasure, and that she should take care not to "throw it away" to just anyone, but safeguard her riches carefully for the day when she meets a man truly a man and worthy of her, capable to caring for her as a husband should.

In his relationship with his boys, this good father demonstrates and shows them how to respect, love, and cherish the women in their lives, beginning with their own mother, grandmother, sisters, and aunts and cousins. He helps them understand how they must make efforts to "master" their own inclinations in order to "have the freedom" to apply all their resources to love well the women in their lives and truly care for them and cherish them. Only then will they themselves be truly happy.

In the intimacy between a husband and wife, which is the normal context within which sexual intimacy can take place without any dangers to either of them or to their couple relationship, the woman "takes longer" to "warm up" to the intimate encounter; whereas in a way the man is "always ready to go". This is primarily because the male "sexual equipment" is external and generally requires very little stimulation to "get going".

In the long-term relationship between a husband and wife, and between the wife and her husband, this often is where they can experience trouble. The wife simply needs - like the fiancee - to "be noticed, to be appreciated, to be looked into her eyes, to have her hand held, to walk together and chat together, and have the satisfaction of being in a relationship with a man who is truly her friend and shows his ability, willingness, and eagerness to put her good, her well being, her interests ahead of his own". Generally speaking she doesn't need sexual intimacy, and she won't "need it" until they are married and she is "ready to conceive life" and to nurture that life. For a fiancee and for a wife to be truly fulfilled in their relationship with their fiance, their husband, women need their man to demonstrate every day his ability, willingness, and eagerness to "master himself and all his impulses" and to "be there" for her.

We men do find our fulfillment and happiness in depth and in a lasting and fulfilling way only when we accept to take our responsibilities, to "master our impulses", to be "masters of our own house, that is, our own self", and when we learn and accept to put ourselves wholeheartedly at the service of those "we think we love, those we say we love, those we want to love". Any man not willing or interested to do that or dedicated to do that is not worthy of any woman, let alone the one he would life someday to marry. The man who cannot or will not master himself is like all the men worldwide throwing their societies into conflicts and wars, as if they not only don't care but don't even notice how they are plunging their own people, their women and children, into hardship. They see only the so-called values they want to push and are willing to declare war on anyone and everyone who stands in their way.

The man who is truly a man, on the other hand, is like Pope Francis, like a diplomat, like an ambassador, who entirely dedicates himself to the service of others, like Jesus himself, who came that we might have life and have it to the full. Read Jesus' words as recorded by the Apostle and Evangelist John in his Gospel, chapter 10, where he presents Jesus as the Good Shepherd.

So, my young friend, does this begin to answer your question?

If you email me, I will be very happy to respond to you, either of you, or better yet, both of you.

Peace to you and your families. God is with you; you can trust in Him. You can trust in Jesus, the Divine Mercy.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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A simple guide for reading, pondering, and praying with the Word of God in the whole Bible

Dear Reader, if you are reading this, it may be because you are accepting the grace and God's invitation to come closer to Him by reading his inspired Word in the Bible, the Old Testament which is the Jewish Scriptures, and the New Testament, which is the writings of the Apostles whom Jesus commissioned to go out to all the world and proclaim the Good News.

I'm also glad that you are reading the Word of God in the whole Bible, but you need to remember a few things. You already know that reading the Word of God is not like picking up a book published a few years ago. The oldest parts of the Bible were written down in their earliest versions around 4,000 years ago in other languages - Hebrew, Aramaic - which was Jesus' dialect of Hebrew, and Greek, not modern Greek, but ancient Greek.

You may not have the opportunity or means of taking Scripture courses, although at some point later in life you may, but I can tell you a few things that you will find very helpful.

All of human history and all of Creation is in God's hands. He inspired various people to understand and tell things to others and eventually to write them down. The long term view of it all is that, after the "fall" or "rebellion" of the angels and then of Adam and Eve, the first human beings, God needed to find ways to "bring them back" to communion with Him. The big problem was that in preferring our own thoughts, or in believing the words of the "stranger" - the "serpent" - we turned our back on what God had said to us about what is real, what is good, and what is deadly.

The strict condemnation of the use of statues and images in the Torah related directly to other religions and the fertility cults of the nations and peoples surrounding God's Chosen People, which put them at risk of being affected and drawn in by the rituals and idol worship of their neighbors' religions and cults, such as the fertility cults... God made it clear that we are to worship only God and Him alone. That was and is the teaching of the Old Testament, the Jewish Scriptures. 

Jesus of Nazareth, Son of God and son of Mary, conceived in her by the Holy Spirit, is the Living Image of God the Father. Jesus said that if we have seen Him we have seen the Father. Jesus fulfilled the Old Testament prophecies and inaugurated the New Covenant and the Kingdom of God. Since then, we worship only Jesus and the Father and the Holy Spirit, the one God and Creator of all that is.

When we Christians make use of icons, statues, and other images of God the Holy Trinity, the Father, Jesus the Son of God, and the Holy Spirit, these material representations bring to mind and heart whom they represent, and our use of them helps us to remember that God is present always, and so they help us to pray and worship the Lord. We don't worship the images, but seeing them, we worship God whom they represent. We thank God for these aids to our faith, prayer, and worship. 

As for images and statues of the saints, again these help us to remember these heroes of the faith, and as we revere or show reverence before these images and statues, it is whom they represent that we honor - we don't worship them but God alone - and in honoring them, we also ask them to pray for us. 

So, the whole of the Old Testament is all about the trouble God had to take to gradually bring humanity back to himself, beginning with those who were open and willing to "hear" Him and obey Him: Noah, Abraham and his son Isaac and grandson Jacob, to whom God gave the nickname "Israel", which means, "he who is strong with God".

Inspired, told, written, edited and re-edited, and passed on over a period of at least 2,000 years, the Old Testament consists of the "Torah" or "Law", the first 5 books. Then follow the continuation of the history in what is called the "historical books": Joshua, Judges, Ruth, the prophet Samuel, the Kings, Chronicles, Ezra and Nehemiah, Tobit, Judith, Esther, and Maccabees.

Then there are the "religious" books or "wisdom" books: Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, Wisdom, and Sirach or Ecclesiasticus.

The final section of the O.T. is the prophets, divided into the "great" prophets: Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel, and then the 12 "minor" prophets. Basically, their "books" are much shorter than those of the other 3. The prophets all were called by God and sent to his people before, during and shortly after the "exile" when Israel, the "northern kingdom" and Juda, the "southern kingdom" were conquered and the leaders, the skilled laborers, and the rich people were enslaved and brought into exile in Babylon, which is today Iraq.

So, as you read, ponder, and pray with the Word of God, keep in mind the kind of book you're getting into - Torah, historical, wisdom, or prophetical - and keep in mind what God seems to be saying to his people AT THAT TIME. God kept insisting on the people avoiding "idols" because they were surrounded by people following "fertility cults" where the rituals often included getting drunk and having sexual orgies.

What bothered God the most was the way people were showing contempt for others, especially exploiting the poor. Those sins against charity brought God's most severe condemnations and punishments.

Now, in Jeremiah 31:31-34 God promised a "new covenant" and Jesus is the fulfillment of this promise. Under this new covenant, God could "change" his approach to his people who, after 2,000 years were beginning to be ready to hear what God really wanted to say to them and wanted to say to them all along, but they weren't ready or willing yet.

The N.T. is just that, what God has always wanted to say to his people, but before, they were so depraved that they couldn't or wouldn't hear it. Even in Jesus' time, only some people "got it" and accepted Him, but many still refused.

God has always been love, but authentic love requires a minimum of justice; otherwise, without justice, there can be no love, not really. The "Law" and the O.T. with the 10 commandments are simply the MINIMUM required for human beings to become truly human and avoid becoming perverse and no better than animals.

The N.T. goes much further, way beyond the minimum, to the point of forgiving everyone, loving even our enemies, and surrendering our whole life to God with absolute trust in Him for everything. Jesus lay down his life to show us what a truly loving human life looks like, a life putting all its trust in the Father and his love and mercy. Jesus offered his life in order to now make it possible for the Holy Spirit to bring about in us the authentic love that was in Jesus.

So, there you have a workable "framework" to guide you in reading the Word of God. I recommend that each time you reach for the Bible to read it, first ask the Holy Spirit, who is ever with you and within you, to enlighten you and guide you as you read. Then, when you are ready to stop, thank the Holy Spirit for being with you, guiding you, enlightening you, and ask Him to help you through the day to ponder, like Mary did, and "absorb" what you have read, and for the grace to "give God permission" to do all that He wants to do in your life, within you, and through you for others.

Peace to you and your family,

Fr. Gilles

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Whirlwind Tour in Spirituality and the Beauty and Meaning of Everyday Life for Us Christians

Greetings Dear Friends,

Christ is risen, alleluia!

It's Spring! And Mothers' Day this weekend.... Happy Mothers' Day to our mothers, wherever they may be!

Could you use an uplift?

I invite you to take a brief "reading tour" of the Madonna House Apostolate, which may actually be for you a "spiritual renewal" and opportunity for you to be graced by God, the Most Holy Trinity. ENJOY!

https://www.madonnahouse.org/tour/

                                                   Pax + Caritas,       Fr. Gilles

    

                      Fr. Gilles A. Surprenant – Associate Priest of the Madonna House Apostolate

New website Start Page:     https://gillessurprenant.blogspot.com    Nouveau site web Point de départ

                                Poustinia - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday / lundi - mardi - mercredi

                     Residence: 1071 rue de la Cathédrale, Montréal   QC   H3B 2V4   CANADA

 

                      Residence:   514 864 5600 ext. 618       Mobile   514   823   7812

 

                         "Were not our hearts burning within us as He talked to us on the road

                                              and explained the Scriptures to us?"  Luke 24:32

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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How secular society "views" our efforts in the Roman Catholic Church of Montreal to implement "responsible pastoral ministry" and accountability in our Church's use of its "servant authority" - with attention to protecting, defending, and promoting the safety and rights of all members of the population - especially the most vulnerable.

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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The Roman Catholic Church of Montreal has been going to bold, innovative, and costly lengths in her efforts to implement "responsible pastoral ministry" and accountability in our diocesan Church's use of its "servant authority" - with the explicit intention of protecting, defending, and promoting the safety and the rights of all members of the population - and with particular attention to the most vulnerable, such as those who have suffered abuse. 

How our secular society "views" our efforts VS what that looks like in the "inside"

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The Press

Morgan Lowerie of The Canadian Press posted on April 19th, 2022 an article titled "Montreal Catholic church ombudswoman details delays, resistance to complaint process." At first view, the impression given is that the institution of the Roman Catholic Church in Montreal is "dragging its heels" in following through on its commitment to move away from "the way things were done" to doing things with greater responsibility, transparency, accountability, and especially with commitment to take the point of view of vulnerable people, especially those who have suffered any form of abuse.

Perhaps it is inevitable that anyone standing "outside" the local Church would see the situation that way, which is precisely the stance of the Ombudswoman herself, Me. Marie Christine Kirouack, Ad.E.. One of the reasons she was chosen for the role of Ombudswoman for the Diocese of Montreal was precisely because she is not a R. C. Christian, and therefore, not part of the R. C. Church of Montreal. She is completely independent and, it is therefore believed, completely impartial. 

The models of responsibility and accountability from society's governments

However, from the point of view those on the "inside" of the local R. C. Church, this can at times seem to be a great disadvantage. Our society generally has several "measuring sticks" for honesty, transparency, accountability, responsibility, and many other "values" held by consensus in our society to be important. Such values are important in government in order for the said government to be seen as, and actually to be, true to the population, to whom any government is accountable. Members of the general population, in particular citizens, manifest their satisfaction or lack of it at election time. However, all those who work in public service are directly accountable normally only to their superiors, but only indirectly to the public through people's communications with them.

The models of responsibility and accountability from business, commerce, science, & technology

In business and commerce, as well as in science and technology, the individuals and organizations which "carry on the activity" are equally accountable to those who own said enterprises, which includes shareholders, but also the employees, without whom there would be no activity. These enterprises are more sensitive to the satisfaction of the general population, which manifests itself through success in the quantity and value of total transactions in the course of the business year and its quarters.

The models of responsibility and accountability from educational institutions

In educational institutions as well, the activity carried on in elementary and high schools, colleges, universities, and technical schools also have the means of ensuring that those who carry on the activity do so in a manner sensitive to the expectations of those to whom they offer their services, that is, the student population, which can vary considerably from one year to the next. 

The R. C. Church is not at all like government, or business, or commerce, or science, or technology, or even educational institutions

Unlike all of these other realms of society, the "point of contact" between those who carry on the principal activity for which the institution or agency exists, at the "providing or giving end" on the one hand, and all those at the "benefitting or receiving end" on the other hand, that "point of contact" is comparatively minimal or small or even practically non-existent.

Government services and all the apparatus of its bureaucracy - with its thousands of public servants and employees - are "at work" the standard number of hours every week of the year, with possible exception for reduced hours during summer vacations and statutory holidays. There are constant and unceasing "contacts" between government agencies and "the population" all year round.

The same can be said for businesses, commerces, scientific institutions, technological enterprises, and all manner of educational institutions. These all have "business or school hours" and other times during which contact with the public is made possible. 

What all these institutions have in common is their ability to implement policies with immediacy and clarity by passing them down the "chain of command" or "channels of communication". They have the liberty and the means to implement "ongoing formation" of employees through statutory formation days by means of the funds generated by their principal activities. 

All of society's institutions and organizations are put together in such a way as to entrust specific functions to specific individuals, such that each worker's "duties" are fairly clearly defined and more often than not restricted to a fairly narrow "corridor" of focus of activity. That makes it fairly easy for these workers to implement policies sent "down from above". These institutions also generally have the means to ensure "quality control" by the appointment of supervisory personnel for this purpose.

The R. C. Church is very different from all of these

There was a time, when society was still considered a manifestation of "Christendom", that is, a society principally organized on the principle tenets of the Gospels. The Church's "authority" was generally acknowledged and accepted by the general population, and those who dissented were generally deemed to be in various states of "rebellion" or "heresy" of "disobedience", for each of which states there were very specific "sanctions" or "punishments" or "consequences". 

Principally since WW II, the "faithful", that is the "baptized", have questioned and even "walked away" from that authority, and some have even "walked away from God", or at least the "version of God" as presented to them in the R. C. Church. This phenomenon of "walking away" is currently being painfully felt by local businesses who observe their sales volumes shrinking to the benefit of Amazon and other online enterprises. 

However, the key difference between the R. C. Church and the rest of our society's institutions is that the "point of contact" between those providing the services in the Church - the clergy and those assisting them, both employees and volunteers - is comparatively minimal. Those who go to Church on Sunday - in Québec deemed to be around 2% of the baptized - are not there every Sunday. Even when they are there, it is only one hour or less a week. The vast majority of the "clientele" or "membership" have no contact at all with those providing the service except occasionally for baptisms, the other three sacraments of initiation, weddings, and funerals; as well as occasionally for the Anointing of the Sick.

So, from the point of view of the clientele or membership, the Church has very little contact with them or means of implementing any policies. This can only be done when people make contact for services or when we manage to reach out to them through social and other media. From the point of view of the workers and their supervisors, the sheer magnitude of the challenge of a severely aging workforce while maintaining services and infrastructure, such as buildings, is so great as to be practically unmanageable, let alone finding time and energy to impart, offer formation for, and actually implement fundamental changes in policy and practice, and for several reasons.

First, the clergy are aging and working well beyond the age of retirement and even working in sickness and disability; moreover, they are almost entirely not being replaced by younger recruits.

Secondly, the attendance rate is so low, that most churches are unable to sustain their very existence, let alone any projects for improvement or expansion. It is the minority of parish churches that have enough people attending, and enough representation from younger generations and families, that they are able to generate such projects. 

Thirdly, the rate of contribution of the members is ridiculously low. There is a  gap of logic which seems insurmountable between social secular standards in spending and contribution standards within the Church. Most of us go out occasionally to a restaurant. We generally think nothing of giving the 15% tip and those hand held invoice machines even show a choice of 18% now for the tip. This would amount to anywhere from $4 to $20 or more, depending on how many meals we pay for. We don't hesitate to pay such tips but when in Church, for most people their offering hasn't changed from the $2 they thought was generous enough decades ago. 

Rare are those who make weekly offerings of $20 to $100. As a result, most parishes cannot even afford the salary of their priest, let alone maintenance and repairs. Most of our churches are so run down they would require millions of dollars of work in order to avoid being condemned by the public health and security authorities in the next few years. 

Fourthly, the shrinking financial viability of the parishes has also caused the "well to run dry" for the Diocese's Curia and its central governing services. In the 1950's parishes contributed 3% of all their receipts to the Diocese, but parishes at that time were seeing from 5,000 to 15,000 people every Sunday, including children, youth, and the aged. At Sunday attendance began to drop in the 1970's that 3% "diocesan contribution" was gradually increased to 5%, then to 7%, and finally to 9% in the 1990's. That final measure was almost useless due to the degree to erosion of Sunday attendance. 

Fifthly, what this means for the Diocesan Curia is that it no longer has the means to employ all the people it would need in order to adequately serve all the parishes, movements, families, and individual members of the Diocese of Montreal. The personnel it does have are overloaded with duties required of them by the development of all the activity generated by the Church's expansion after WW II when the number of parishes more than doubled. Over the same period, the number of clergy has shrunk and most of these are now aged beyond retirement and health. 

Not only that, but it is often a challenge for the personnel that we do have, both aging clergy and laity, to take their weekly day of rest (day off) and annual vacation and annual retreat. Some even find it difficult to take sick days and feel obliged to go on working even while sick or disabled or in varying degrees of convalescence. If women were priests, they would be unable to take maternity leave. 

For the size of operation of our Diocese, our Human Resources department should have a staff of at least 4 or 5 people, but we had only one person for three years and only recently hired a second. Our Office for Pastoral Personnel has a few more people but even they are unable to keep up with the sheer magnitude of the challenges arising from hundreds of priests, deacons, and thousands of lay workers, both employed and volunteer. 

Sixthly, all of these conditions make it practically impossible for the Diocese to implement with any efficiency and speed the reforms to which it has committed itself. Valiant efforts are being made, and in particular cases, specific attention is being applied to effectively implement many of the reforms made manifest in the Capriolo Report. However, overall, it will take considerable time for all the personnel in all the departments and in all of the parishes to also integrate all of these principles.

Seventhly, we must keep in mind that the "culture" and "ways of doing" and "mindsets" of the Diocesan Curia took many decades to develop over the past century. It will take at least a full generation, so we're looking at a comple of decades, for the new "culture" and "ways of doing" and "mindsets" of the "new paradigm" to be fully integrated and implemented. It took a century for the reforms of the Council of Trent to be more or less fully implemented, and the reforms of the Second Vatican Council have yet to be "fully implemented" throughout the whole Roman Catholic Church worldwide.

Conclusion: If the Roman Catholic Church has not only survived but prospered for two millennia, it is because it follows and observes a timeline that is eminently "human" and which respects the frailties and possibilities of our human nature. In the secular world, governments fall, businesses fail, and all manner of agencies cease to exist. For such reasons, they feel obliged to function on the basis of quarterly reports, even when doing so causes them to lose sight of inevitable developments on the horizon immediately ahead of them. 

So, dear Reader, that is why the Press will continue to suspect that our Church is not progressing "fast enough" with these reforms, which is to be expected from anyone who knows nothing of the way the Church actually is "on the inside". For those of us who are on the inside, we can barely manage to keep up with the regular duties from our call to serve the people of God, both those who are "regulars" and those who merely expect the Church to "be there" when they want or have need of it or when it just happens to be convenient for them - let alone take care of infrastructures - while we continue to age and not be replaced by younger recruits. 

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Previous posts of interest: It is enlightening and even amazing to see how the Lord our God has been constantly preparing us over time for the trials, troubles, and tribulations awaiting us in the future. Browse the following list of links to posts since this time six years ago in 2016 and see how the key issues of life, both individually and collectively, are brought to our attention when we most need them.

Everywhere we turn, we see the human condition in all of its poverty, struggle, anguish, and dissatisfaction; with life and love just out of reach.... March 30th, 2022

Ukraine - Russia - Europe - NATO - U.S.A. - February 28th, 2022

Note to U.N. regarding U.N., N.A.T.O., the U.S.A., Russia, & Ukraine - February 25th, 2022

Marriage or celibacy? What is better, healthier, more likely to lead to happiness: a life with sex or a life without sex? What about contentment versus loneliness? Does human life have a universal purpose and meaning? - November 26th, 2021 

Mercy or “The Law” – God or Man? - August 18th, 2021 

Let us choose life and every Sunday worship God with gratitude for all He does for us - and avoid scandalizing little ones which is what we do when we stay home. - May 23rd, 2021

Pope Francis - What on Earth is he doing? - May 12th, 2021 

Response of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith to a doubt regarding the blessing of the unions of persons of the same sex. - March 15th, 2021 

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the LORD IS WITH THEE..." - March 11th, 2021

A Catholic wants to come back to the Church... Where do you begin? - January 21st, 2021

Entertainment and the related industry vs art that is true and meaningful as well as beautiful and good. - January 8th, 2021

Human sexuality - gift of God which, used otherwise skews our vision, but used in accord with His plan, calibrates our vision to blessedness. - January 2nd, 2021

Even children are impelled by the Holy Spirit to go out with Jesus as missionary disciples. November 21st, 2020

The Pharisees, Sadducees, Scribes, and Lawyers are at it again, only this time, instead of going after Jesus it's Pope Francis! - October 22nd, 2020 

The Covid-19 Pandemic - an excuse to strangle the practice of religion? September 21st, 2020

How can high level bankers and financiers hold their heads high in public? - September 9th, 2020

DAY 148 of the COVID-19 WORLDWIDE PANDEMIC in 2020 - "Do not be afraid!"- Reflection on the "Law of the Gift". August 4th, 2020

It may be legal, but it remains offensive - the Québec / Newfoundland and Labrador hydro electric agreement and long term contract - July 21st, 2020

Abortion is a failure of manhood more than a woman's choice - Solemnity of the Birth of John the Baptist - June 24th, 2020

Compare Covid-19 to all other deaths worldwide - Day 72 - May 20th, 2020

Communing with God in our everyday life - April 16th, 2020 

A Catholic view of life and death inside a worldwide pandemic - April 4th, 2020

The pain of not being able to find a priest - February 15th, 2020

The wonder of our vital human strengths - January 28th, 2020

God's plan to bring us into abundance of life - By mere coincidence, today happens to be the Eve of the Feast of the Conversion of Saint Paul, the day the Lord Jesus Christ met him on the road to Damascus - January 24th, 2020

The Boeing 737 Max controversy - What about the common good? - January 13th, 2020

A family activity: Reading Pope Francis' Letter "On the Meaning and Importance of the Nativity Scene" - December 15th, 2019

Is the Pope a heretic, or are we Pharisees, Sadducees, Chief Priests, Scribes, or Lawyers? - November 25th, 2019

Green for our environment but toxic for human life? - October 19th, 2019

Canadian Federal Election Guide for Roman Catholics and Other People of Good Will - September 22nd, 2019

Why are some of our beautiful youth killing themselves or turning violent? We can do a lot! - September 10th, 2019

Capitalism - to suck us dry or to build us up - it's our choice - July 31st, 2019

Hope through resistance in the midst of troubled times - Could Venezuela's "social meltdown" happen to us? - July 25th, 2019

Abortion - how has it come to this? - The way it once was and the way it is now. - June 4th, 2019

Value of life - harm of abortion - what to do? - There are different views: society's changing views, "humanistic" views, various religious views, Christian views, and oh yes, what might be God's view? the view of our Creator? - May 25th, 2019

Christians, like Jesus Christ, have always been hated - See the "Letter to Diognetus" from the 2nd century A.D. - May 23rd, 2019

Madonna House Apostolate - from a visit there - April 10th, 2019

Homophobia Schmobophobia - A lot has been happening, has it not? March 2nd, 2019

Baptism by water and the Holy Spirit - what difference it makes - February 18th, 2019

A girl (boy) wants to be a boy (girl) - What do you say? - January 13th, 2019

Why does losing a loved one hurt so much? - November 5th, 2018

Evil, pain, suffering - how can these be God's will for us? - October 24th, 2018

We are never far from God... in fact... - October 17th, 2018

On a Mission... Together! - October 9th, 2018

"The gates of hell shall not prevail against it (my Church)" said Jesus to Peter - August 17th, 2018

To tattoo or not... I feel incomplete.... - August 5th, 2018

Anthony Bourdain suicide - What? But why? - July 17th, 2018

Not every human relation or attraction need be sexual - June 23rd, 2018

Elderly parents - impatience or loving interest? - June 12th, 2018

Why does God allow us to be tried, tested, and made to suffer? - See Saint Ignatius of Loyola's teaching on the "Discernment of Spirits" from his "Spiritual Exercises" - May 30th, 2018

How easily we misunderstand one another as well as life situations - April 27th, 2018

Authority and Service in the Roman Catholic Church - March 13th, 2018

What about Marriage of a Roman Catholic with a Muslim? - February 7th, 2018

Fathers - You are vital; Males - Be Men before God! - January 30th, 2018

Where Love Is, God Is. - On the 1st World Day of the Poor a poor man became a blessing to all who met him in the church. - A World Day of the Poor Story - December 10th, 2017 

Understanding and discernment as well as LOVE versus LAW - Understanding, moral development, discernment, and the "Law of Love" - coming to understand the "ways of the Lord" - November 3rd, 2017 

Who will defend the innocence of our children? What about women, men, and the elderly in their dignity? The gift of human sexuality? - August 24th, 2017

“Please, talk to me about love, Mommy, Daddy.” Children can best receive formation in their affections and human sexuality from their parents. - April 24th, 2017 

The suicide of a loved one provokes an upheaval in the survivors. What happens when we die? What comes next? What can we do about death before it happens to us? - April 8th, 2017

When a loved one dies, our loss plunges us into deep grief. We need God's help to continue caring for ourselves and for others. - March 24th, 2017

Controversy and confusion over Pope Francis & "Amoris Laetitia" Part 2 - In more personal settings and situations we need to show more compassion, wisdom, understanding, and counsel. - February 20th, 2017

Controversy and confusion over Pope Francis & "Amoris Laetitia" Part 1 - Many are uncomfortable with God's mercy and prefer to "lay down the law". - February 18th, 2017

There are more affluent people than ever in human history; yet why are they / we so miserable? The original sin as rebellious selfish will still pulls at us. - February 6th, 2017

How do we discern God's calling in our daily lives? Q & A - Wanting to "be special" versus giving meaning and purpose to our lives. - February 4th, 2017

Eroticization and the unique developmental process of human persons - part 2 with conclusion - January 18th, 2017

Pope Francis vs critics = mercy vs legalism - People have trouble holding to both the truth and mercy as God has always done towards us. - January 18th, 2017

Why do people destroy plants, torture animals, or hurt other people? - November 27th, 2016

Eroticization and the unique developmental process of human persons - part 2 continuation - September 9th, 2016

When did the U.S.A. become the U.S.S.R.? - August 31st, 2016

Eroticization and the unique developmental process of human persons - part 1 - May 20th, 2016

Fatima, the Church, and the World – Standing Together Before God - April 22nd, 2016

Admirable fidelity to Jesus Christ in the face of death and the onslaught of the conquering armies of Islam - The converging and intertwining histories of Christianity and Islam - April 5th, 2016

We should not stay away from our assembly as is the custom of some, but encourage one another - March 14th, 2016

Older posts..... 

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Everywhere we turn, we see the human condition in all of its poverty, struggle, anguish, and dissatisfaction; with life and love just out of reach....

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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What the heck is going on, anyway?

Everywhere we look in our world, in our life - in the dynamics among nations, in the political arena, in the drama lived out in marriages and families, in churches and faith communities, in our own lives - everywhere human beings are to be found; we see situations and experiences that describe endless permutations of the human condition after the original sin. In Genesis chapter 3 is related the temptation and the fall of Eve and Adam. There we find related that moment when God described to the man and the woman the results, the consequences of their sin, their rebellion, their decision to stop trusting in God. When you hammer a nail, it goes into the wood. When you pour water on a thing, it becomes wet. When you drop a crystal glass on a marble floor, it shatters into pieces. The human condition is very much like what we all experience of trouble and dissatisfaction. Here is what Genesis 3 relates.

The man would lose the life of ease he had until then known in the garden provided by God his Creator. From now on, in order to live, he would have to obtain his food by the sweat of his brow. He would have to make constant efforts to cultivate the earth, but it would resist him and produce thorns and thistles instead of the good fruits of the earth. In contemporary terms, man tries to do his work, but the work constantly resists him and demands more of him, depleting him until there is nothing left of him; no energy, no time, no life, no spouse, no family, nothing... but only death. It is a slavery that, unlike the chains of the past, is cleverly devised to get the man to voluntarily go into slavery by his own choice. This is the contemporary situation in most of the Earth, where there is no longer the slavery in chains, which still exists in other parts of the world.

The woman, perhaps because her entire design centres around her capacity to conceive and nurture life, she is closer to her body than is the man. Also, she is more acutely sensitive to all that pertains to relations with others; also a feature of her capacity to give and nurture life. She is more aware of and more sensitive to her own self as well as to others in what and how they are. Now, Eve also decided to stop trusting in God; so, for her the consequences were inevitably going to be that her natural desire for her husband would become exaggerated, causing her to "cling" to him. However, he would perceive this and react, in a kind of survival reflex, by dominating her, to protect himself from this clinging, or "nagging". In addition, her distrust in God would also alienate her from her own self, her own body; such that her labour pains would become intensified.

We human beings have a specific design with "room for God" inside

Our human condition now, due to the original sin which becomes actualized in us the moment we are conceived in our mother's womb, is basically alienation from God and insecurity. Human knowledge and efforts can never resolve completely or perfectly this human condition. The man is never satisfied with his work, with the world as he finds it, and the woman is never satisfied with her husband and her life as she finds it. It is a vicious circle out of which there is no escape, but only one solution. That solution is to restore the lost trust in God, our Creator. This is why Jesus Christ called people to follow Him and learn from Him certain disciplines enabling them to accept to live differently, to live the new life He offers those who accept Him and believe in Him. 

These Christian disciplines are merely the ways we need in order to take back into our own hands responsibility for our own life, for cultivating our own life, and for reconnecting ourselves with trust in God our Creator; who is ever present, ever offering to pour into us the "divine vitality" which is designed and intended to be the "breath" and "blood" of our life.

Yes, we need to be loved, but first and foremost, by God our Creator, and at every moment of the day and of the night; constantly. To turn aside and expect to be loved by anyone else can only end in failure, because all human beings are contingent, imperfect, and incapable of fulfilling our infinite capacity and need for life and love. Disconnected from God, we are like a beautiful chandelier without electricity. Only God, the Most Holy Trinity, is worthy of our trust, because God is our origin and our eternal destiny. We have been designed to receive into ourselves the indwelling Presence of the Most Holy Trinity, without whom we remain empty and cold.

Who or what is God?

God is already complete and has always been complete and sufficient from all eternity. There was never any need for growth or testing in God. Jesus of Nazareth, a Jew of Galilee in Palestine two millennia ago, revealed that God is a trinity, a community and communion of divine Persons. From all eternity the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have been a completely fulfilled and vital community of love. They are love; they don't have or give love, they ARE LOVE. We, on the other hand, are contingent beings. We begin as nothing and slowly grow and develop. We need to be constantly tested in order for the tests to shake us from the impulse to relax our efforts and try to be "just carried" by someone else, like the baby we once were.

Living a human life is work, requires deliverate effort freely made

Only by our constant efforts to live, to strive, to create, to give, and to love are we able to take responsibility for our life and live it more fully. The only effective "fuel" for these constant efforts to live and love is the divine life and vitality of love which is God. God is our fuel, our food, our life, our love. No one else. To expect any other human being to love us, give us life, fulfill us, make us happy, is both unfair and impossible. No one can possibly ever meet our unlimited need and infinite capacity for life and love; no one except God. To expect this of any human being is to do them violence.

Eve is no more to blame than Adam

Why did the tempter approach Eve and not Adam? We think it was because Adam heard directly from God not to touch the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" or he would die. Eve had not yet been created. Adam later told Eve about this, but she did not hear it from God himself. The tempter considered her position a little weaker because of this; so, he probed that weakness.

Why did the woman and the man both find it attractive to seek out the "knowledge of both good and evil"? It can only be because they thought they were missing something, that they thought they were not entirely lovable in God's eyes; that they needed to do something to become more lovable, more acceptable to God. It was and still is a lie. God already loves us perfectly because God can only love perfectly; the Holy Trinity, the 3 divine Persons ARE love. The ocean doesn't have wet, it is wet. (From the film "Nikki and the Perfect Stranger". I will send you links to these wonderful films which explore what it would be like to have a visit here and now with Jesus.) God doesn't have love, God is love.

To focus on myself or on others? That is the question. 

When I focus on myself, how I feel, what I have and don't have; I remain isolated within myself. When I turn my focus away from myself to the other, I can see who and what the other is, what he is trying to do, what are her fears, hopes, struggles, aspirations, weaknesses, and strengths. If I study the other, I can discover in what ways the other needs to be loved; then, I can apply myself to love him or her in this way, putting myself at the service of the other out of love, pouring my vitality out in a flow of love. 

Love cannot be kept; it can only be given

Love's satisfaction is in the very act of love, of giving itself, of pouring itself out. Trying to get love, to have love, to hold onto love is like trying to hold water with a sieve. It's impossible. The only way to be full of love and never run out of love is to love, to give love away. That is impossible unless I am constantly connected to the River of Love, which is God.

You already know that as a mother or father, knowing how obviously dependent and helpless your child is from the moment of conception and birth. That poverty pulls love and caring out of you, and you find great satisfaction and pleasure loving your child; even to the point of exhaustion. Slowly, the child is developing a capacity to emerge as an individual, independent, and enterprising. This process will take at least 18 years or more before their autonomy is sufficient for them to go out on their own. The challenge then is to trust them and let them go as the new way to love them.

The human person is constantly changing; relationships never quite "catch up"

Along the way your manner of relating them is constantly changing, because they are constantly changing, and you never seem to quite catch up to the "new them", because the one you think they are today is actually the one you thought they were yesterday or last week or last month or last year. Today, they are quite different yet again... fetus, baby, toddler, little child, child, older child, pre-teen, pubescent child, young teen, older teen, transitional adult, young adult, adult, midlife adult, etc....

If you are a parent with young children, it would not be surprising that at the end of a day of pouring yourself out to your little children, that you would feel a need for someone else to take care of you. As a priest, I get to feel like that too. That's why I can say this, which may be difficult for you to hear or read, dear reader, but this is a "child's reflex", not a position of adult autonomy; it is a "passive reflex", not an "active reflex".

It is always "up to me" to decide to "care for myself"

Look at it this way. My life - body, mind, heart / psyche, and spirit / soul - is like the baby I once was. Then, it was Maman who took me up and cared for me in all my needs, more or less perfectly. Providing the care was sufficient, I would smile back at her, and she was content. (This relationship of care provider to infant is also the "theoretical model" adopted by Psychotherapist Dr. Jeannine Guindon, Ph.D., foundress of the Institut de Formation Humaine Intégrale in Montreal QC Canada. She founded a new helping profession called "psycho-education" or "psycho-educator".)

But now, I am no longer that baby, but my organism, my life, is as it were like that baby, because someone needs to take care of it. That someone is me. Once I became independent of Maman and Papa, it fell to me to care for myself in at least as good a manner as the care I had received from them. My "life" will only look back at me and smile when my care for my life is sufficient for it to be content. No one else can provide that for me; it is up to me to provide that for myself, somehow.

Self care is most effective and satisfying when it does not deprive anyone else

I need to care for my life on my own time, and in a way that does not put a burden on anyone else. Mostly, I need to care for myself between my two ears, in the way I choose to think about all these things and about my life and caring for my life. Even in the very midst of caring for another, a child or children for instance, within myself I can maintain a "sanctuary" of space in which I am selecting my attitudes and interior dispositions in such a way as to be "kind to myself" without depriving others of any good thing.

I am not a victim of my attitudes, but rather a "surfer of life"

The biggest most dramatic difference I can make for myself is, for example, when I notice anxiety rising within me, to acknowledge it, recognize it, understand where it's coming from, know that I can handle it, and put it aside; replacing it with deliberately connecting with God... welcoming God's love and vitality like exposing myself to the warmth and light of the sun.... This is only one example, but there are countless ways in which I can manage my life better by noticing, acknowledging, resolving now or putting aside to resolve later, and turning to God to be replenished here and now.

To employ a different analogy, it is true to say that I am not a "victim" of my attitudes, but rather a "surfer of life". My surf board is the meaning and purpose I wish to "give to my life", and with both feet firmly planted on this surf board, I see waves coming, position myself, keep my balance, and "ride each wave" for all the vitality, pleasure, and satisfaction it can afford; as I make my way along the beach.

Turning to God, opening myself up to God who is ever here, welcoming and receiving from God are so many elements of a way of living which is a kind of skill or practice, which can be learned easily enough because God is ever here and eager to fill me, refresh me, renew me, and love me.

Needless to say, it has been a life long challenge to learn to care well for my life, because that life is constantly changing with the times, as I age, with each new challenge, in each new situation, and also with the grinding routine of the repetitious demands of each repeated day and each repeated night.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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