Tips on how to "navigate" our interior life among all the "voices" competing with each other in our spirit

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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This reflection is in response to my observations of parents with young children as well as adolescnets - in addition to the normal challenges of their daily routine - who are faced with our common challenges but also at times unexpected or disturbing troubles, including forms of evil.

Life is beautiful but complex, and we human beings are complex living beings with many dimensions: body, mind, heart / psyche, and soul / spirit, with physical senses - exterior and interior - varied intellectual and psychological faculties such as perception, conceptualization, cognition, memory, imagination, and so on. We also have "spiritual senses and faculties" such as conscience, the ability to say no, the ability to reason and distinguish between good and evil, and a capacity for relationship with our Creator God.

 Please feel free to come back in comments with any thoughts or questions you may have. Please also feel free to share this with close family and friends, such as with you spouse if you are married. Companions on the journey of life help us to understand ourselves as they take interest in listening to us give expression to our thoughts, feelings, experiences, questions, doubts, fears, anxieties, and deep desires.

WHAT ABOUT GOD?

Our God will always be mysterious... 3 divine Persons so close in communion that they are as one, one God, one divine being, which is an intimate communion of divine persons. This means that our relations with them, with God, will probably always also be mysterious.

That being said, there are many ways to pray, to "be with God", in the course of our busy lives, and each form of prayer offers us a different and complementary experience, a different way of "being with God, visiting with God" who is ALWAYS PRESENT. The sacraments are particularly powerful ways to "be with God" and to receive all that God wants to give us.

WHERE IS GOD AMID OUR INTERIOR "VOICES"?

In our days and nights, as we pay attention to ourselves and agree to explore our "inner world" in our mind, heart, body, and soul, we discover three kinds of "voices".

THE PRIMARY "VOICE" WITHIN US IS GOD OUR CREATOR

The primary "voice" within us often goes unnoticed simply because it is the united Voice of God embedded within us, in the centre of our soul, rooted with us from the very first moment of our conception, in our immortal soul. In our deep center, in our soul, we are forever young, because our soul is immortal. Someday, in the resurrection, God will transform our bodies - wherever they are - and make them immortal like our soul, as Jesus was after his Resurrection, and as Mary is since her Assumption into Heaven. This voice of God within us is like the instinct that guides migratory birds to their destination. 

Our spirit is naturally oriented towards God our Creator to guide us to Him. However, our human condition now, since the original sin, is like a fog making it a little more difficult to notice, to recognize, to discern God's voice within us. Not to worry, the Most Holy Trinity watches over us like good parents watch over their children and pour into us life, vitality, their love, and spiritual helps we call graces to lift us up, enlighten us, form us, and guide us along the way; always respecting our free will.

The Presence of God within us is, since our Baptism, the natural environment of our interior life. Our basic inner voice emerges from God into our own self, our own person, in the living "being" that we are with its different "components": our mind, heart, body, and soul. This voice of our individual and unique "self" sometimes echoes the truth, but often enough, it may be mistaken. That is why we live "in the school of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph", the Holy Family. We are constantly being "formed" and "guided", and the choice is always ours to make. The Word of God in the Bible is our basic diet and spiritual nourishment... we need at least a little from the Word of God every day.

THE SECOND VOICE WE NOTICE IS OUR OWN

Our first "voice" is therefore our own. As we take in the Word of God, and "offer hospitality" to the Father, to Jesus, and to the Holy Spirit; they form and develop who we are, and they give us divine light, they correct misconceptions and misunderstandings, and they guide our inner voice to keep us on the right path.

THE FIRST VOICE WE NOTICE AS INFANTS IS THAT OF OUR PARENTS... THEN, THERE ARE OTHER VOICES OUTSIDE OF US TOO

There is a second "voice"... that of others around us and in the bigger world. We at times hear echoes within us of the voice of our parents, grandparents, and other significant people; who have contributed to our formation. Their voices become part of us and part of our own inner voice.

WE NEED TO KNOW THERE IS A THIRD VOICE... THAT OF THE ENEMY OF MANKIND

There is a third "voice"... that of the "enemy of mankind" which tries to turn us away from God and lead us astray. Originally, as in Genesis, the first book in the Bible, this enemy was the demon, the devil, the rebellious angel, who is jealous of us, wants to obstruct our relationship with our Creator, and ultimately to destroy us. God permits this enemy to tempt us so that we may learn to recognize the lies and reject them, and fight against the darkness and choose to walk in the light. Parents are reflections of God the perfect Parent as they love their children and let them go out to play and to school and face the dangers in the world, because life is worth living, and they form and guide their children to recognize and choose the good and to discern and reject the bad.

BEWARE OF "DARK THOUGHTS" WHICH ARE LIES COMING FROM THE ENEMY

So, whenever you may be assailed by "dark thoughts": such as "I'm no good. I'm a failure. I'm terrified, I can't do this; so, why even bother trying." and so on, we need to recognize them for the lies that they are and to reject them. God offers us all the grace we need to do this, but it always remains up to us to use our brains, think things out, seek guidance and support, and in the end, choose the good and reject the bad.

WE HAVE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE

We have freedom to choose the attitude with which we will face any situation. When we become aware of anxiety, fear, and any trouble, challenge, or temptation, the trick is not to panic. Rather, we take notice of what is happening, admit that to ourselves: "O yes, I recognize that; or, yep, that's me all right; or hey, wait a minute, that's not true." Then, we turn our attention away from it and turn our attention instead to God who loves us. "Daddy God, look at what the sneak is trying to do to me. I reject it. Be with me. Lift me up. Show me the way." and so on....

It's like driving at night. We must never focus our attention on the headlights coming from the other direction, because we tend to go where we look, and we don't want a head-on collision. So we notice the opposing traffic lights with our peripheral vision but keep our central vision and attention focused on the road ahead. Well, it is like that as we live our interior world. We notice the bad things, the distractions, the temptations, the dangers, but we deliberately turn our central focus and attention to the Most Holy Trinity dwelling within us. We make little conversations with God and live in anticipation of the light, the guidance, the warmth, the peace, the love that they want to give us.

PRACTICE BRINGS FAMILIARITY AND GREATER EASE

The more we try to practice these things, the more familiar with God and his ways we become, and the more God reveals us to ourselves and we get to understand ourselves more and more. We become more and more grateful for the gift of our life, and we become more and more open and kind to others.... We will still have anxieties, but we bring them to God and He changes them into peaceful action. We still have fears, but God changes them into knowing that He loves us....

                                                   Pax + Caritas,       Fr. Gilles

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2024 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2024 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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What is a woman to do when her man "treats her like dirt"? What does a man do when his woman "treats him like dirt"? When one "gets religion" and makes life hell for the other?

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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Hello Dear Suffering Soul, 

I thank the suffering soul who trusted me with remarks along those lines, and for putting trust in me. I will be as candid as I can be also with you who read me here.

First of all, I have deep respect for women, because of the great dignity which God our Creator has given you, and because of your deep capacity - when this feminine human nature is embraced and accepted by each woman - to give life and nurture life in others.

I also have deep respect for men, because of the great dignity which God our Creator has given you, us because I myself am a man, and because of man's deep capacity to engage the world, struggle with it to cultivate it, and eke out an existence from it for himself and his family.

Of course, men are also capable of giving life and nurturing, but it seems evident that God has specifically designed woman with this capacity. Similarly, women are also capable of engaging the world, struggling with it and cultivating it - in fact, in many cultures women do most of the tilling of the soil - but again, it seems evident that God has specifically designed man with this capacity.

Unfortunately, that same capacity in woman to be inclusive of others and to care for them, can also become a weak point that can be exploited by people who are either unscrupulous or who simply have not sufficiently matured so as to be sensitive to the dignity of others and still too selfish to become aware of others as living persons and to respect them. It's normal for a baby at the breast to be selfish because that is the first stage of life and the other stages have not yet developed. However, it is sad, even tragic, and downright dangerous when a full grown human being is still selfish and entirely preoccupied only with their own self; oblivious to others as living persons.

Man's capacity can also become a weak point exploited by others, which we can readily observe in the "new slavery" evident all over the planet; whereby men are drawn into "voluntary slavery" by being seduced by the "carrot" promising them rewards and advancement, but with the "stick" close behind, threatening to punish them or fire them if they don't comply. The fear, even terror, engendered by this new slavery explains why men surrender to long hours away from their wife, children, and home.

From this point on, I will write only from the woman's point of view, the female soul who wrote to me. Men have only to reverse the values for the text to equally apply to them in their situations of abuse or neglect by their woman.

This seems to be what you reported to me as happening to you by what you sense is a lack of respect, of caring, of responsibility, of friendship, of cooperation, and of love - authentic caring - on the part of your male partner.

If I understand correctly, you and he lived in intimacy for most of the past several years, but then when he suddenly took more interest in religion, he laid down "the law" to you; stating that you could no longer have intimacy unless you got married in the Church.

There is a difference between religion and faith, between rituals and spirituality. People can see themselves as "religious" because they are trying to follow what they perceive as "the rules", but this can turn into rigid and uncaring behaviour. The entire focus is on the rules, following them, being seen as following them, and wanting to escape punishment for not following them.

That was precisely the attitude and behaviour of most of the religious leaders who turned on Jesus and had Him killed. Jesus was the son of Mary but also the Son of God, and He still is, now that in his human body He rose from the dead, left the tomb, walked about meeting his disciples for 40 days, and then ascended to the Father's right hand in Heaven. People who rigidly try to follow religious rules do that because they have not yet actually met the living God in Person. God isn't real to them yet, not in a personal way, but only as a "big threatening figure in the sky" whom they believe to be ready to punish them as soon as they step out of line, or else be ready to throw them down into hell for all eternity at their moment of death. In effect, they understand nothing of who God is nor of the ways of the Lord.

Jesus seriously said that whatever we do to others - all the other people we meet on Earth, and especially the people in our own lives - we do those very same things to Jesus Himself. In other words, Jesus - along with his Father and the Holy Spirit - because they are so united together, we call them the Most Holy Trinity - because they love us without any conditions, they care for us, for each and every one of us so much, that they take personally whatever we do to one another, even to strangers.

That is why Jesus kept repeating: "Repent, and believe the good news."

What I just said about God's unconditional love is the good news. The bad news is that we are badly out of sync with God and his design for us, and we need to stop, turn around, repent, change our attitude and behaviours, and accept to live a new life in communion with God and at peace with our neighbour, and even with enemies.

What you need to hear, my daughter, is that God loves you; you are his daughter, and the dignity that He built into you from the moment of your conception is God's gift to you, the value of who you are for yourself as well as for others, and no one can take your dignity away from you.

You may at times be badly treated by others, but they only betray themselves, making visible the evil within them, or the limits of their goodness, their lack of maturity and responsibility, their lack of sensitivity and caring. Jesus proclaimed us blessed when we suffer in these ways, because we are being treated in the same way that He was treated. Even though Jesus is Love in Person; He was rejected, falsely accused, unfairly condemned, tortured, and cruelly executed. He accepted to suffer in this way because the Father sent Him into the world to demonstrate to humanity for all time what God is really like, and what authentic love looks like in a human being.

You options are, among the following, to accept what you suffer out of love for God, and offer your suffering as a pleasing sacrifice to God; as Jesus did on the Cross. No one can coerce us to do this; it is something that can only happen when we find within us the love to do it willingly and even gladly. That is why every day we need to be filled with God's love for us; filled with the Holy Spirit, because only God living within us and loving us can enable us to love with this same divine love.

Second, you can decide to withdraw from your man and, with God's help, find a better man more qualified and willing to be a true husband. God has filled you with dignity and his gifts and He wants to give you more... his truth, his goodness, and his beauty... and you don't need to feel obliged to "waste" your gifts on someone who is unwilling or unable to appreciate them or you, or who is incapable or unwilling to truly love you. Jesus warned us not to put our pearls (our dignity) before pigs, because they will turn around and maul us.

Third, you can try to have a mature and peaceful conversation with your man, expecting him to behave and chat like a responsible and mature adult. In such a conversation, there are no accusations. No one points a finger and cries out: "You...." Rather, each one calmly relates what it is like being who they are, what it is like to suffer as a result of attitudes shown, words said, actions done, and actions failed to be done. For example: "Yesterday, I heard the following words... these words stabbed me like a knife, and I cried for hours." When I honestly open my mind and heart to someone, their only options are to be silent, to believe me, or not believe me, or they can go on the defensive and try to justify themselves, or they can turn on me with an offensive barrage of accusations.... It can get ugly when one or both are not willing to be honest and humble, willing to believe and trust the other, willing to take responsibility for themselves and to acknowledge the unique life and person of the other.

No one can "put some sense into" another person's head. Each human person must accept to face life's challenges, to take responsibility for their own attitudes, thoughts, words, actions, and failures to act. This is what it means for a boy to become a man and for a girl to become a woman, for a child to become an adult. Each person must decide to stop blaming everyone else for what they suffer and for their disappointments. Life often sucks, and we all have to just get over it. We are called by God our Creator to learn that life is a gift, that other people are persons just like me, that they have dignity given them by God, that they have the right to exist, to breathe, and to live their life fully, and we need to be willing to be grateful, to cultivate an attitude of gratitude for life, for other people and what they contribute to our life, and ultimately, we are for a while on Earth to learn to be grateful to God and offer Him the worship that is due to Him.

When people enter into marriage with a 50 / 50 attitude, it is doomed to failure. God has designed us men and women to become a couple, and most of us try to do it. A few are called to live a solitary life, like priests and religious, and some professionals who dedicate their lives in service to humanity. In this enterprise of becoming a couple and entering into marriage, the man and the woman need to be mature and responsible, and they understand that the other is so precious that the other deserves that I give nothing less than 100% of everything that I am and have all of the time. Naturally, because of the original sin when human beings broke their trust in God and in each other, because of our mortal condition; we never measure up to this ideal of 100% of me and all that I am and have all of the time. That is why we need to practice showing each other kindness and understanding, mercy and forgiveness. This is especially true because we grow and develop at a different pace, in different seasons of life, and go through different stages at different times from each other.

Feel free, my daughter, to reply with further thoughts or questions.

At some point, it would make sense for these exchanges to be between the priest and the couple. If a couple are not capable or willing to open up to a priest with complete and mutual trust; then it would appear that the man and woman are not really a couple. They may be living under the same roof, they may be sharing the same bed, they may even have sexual intimacy, but it is unlikely that it is anything like what God our Creator designed us to be capable of, nor what He intended for us in order to experience life and his blessing in abundance. God's design for the intimate union of a man and a woman is that He designed us for much more than simply copulating as animals do. God designed us to be capable of a union of minds, hearts, and souls, as well as of bodies.

It makes no sense for one to treat the other like dirt all week and then suddenly expect to get intimate. The true and authentic intimacy can only be honest, pure, and true when it has something to express and celebrate... the countless acts of selfless service and authentic caring and tenderness one for the other all through the week, day and night, attentive to each other, striving to fulfill the other's needs, appreciative of the other's caring service and attention to their children. Then it becomes much more than a brief physical climax, but a profound and lingering union of souls melting into one another. Then, after that intimacy, the husband and wife lie next to each other in silence, in rapt contemplation of the profound mystery into which they have been drawn, into a truly "Holy Communion" of persons, as holy as the Holy Communion with Jesus in his Body and Blood. That wife is touched by Jesus when her husband chastely embraces her without thought of grabbing pleasure for himself but entirely preoccupied with blessing her. That husband is touched by Jesus when his wife lovingly accepts his chaste embraces and he understands that Jesus is loving him through her warm presence and affectionate attachment to him....

                                                   Pax + Caritas,       Fr. Gilles

See below my previous post: How can we help our parents, especially when they grow old, as they suffer - and we suffer - because of their faults?

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2024 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2024 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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How can we help our parents, especially when they grow old, as they suffer - and we suffer - because of their faults?

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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Dear caring daughter or son of an aging parent,

How do I know that you care about your aging parent? It is simply because you are taking the time to read this post.

Christ is risen, alleluia!

I'm so happy to know that you are reading this probably because you care about your aging parent(s). Your relationship with an aging parent or parents may in fact be difficult, unpleasant, or even painful. The good news is that you still care! Even whatever trouble may be happening between you and your aging parent(s) may in fact be good news; not because we should enjoy pain, but because of the ways of the Lord with us. After you read all this, I think you may agree that what is happening is good news. 

God is good... all the time... and all the time... God is good!

I hope and pray for you that otherwise all is well with you. All is well with me too despite the trials of life, and often, because of these trials... God has been giving me some amazing graces after two and a half years of doing the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius of Loyola.... 

The Madonna House Apostolate

Recently, I really enjoyed spending three weeks at Madonna House Apostolate Training Center in Combermere ON, which included Holy Week and the Easter Octave. You would really love the faith community there. Are you single or married? If married, your spouse would probably enjoy the experience as well. Guests are called "working guests" because MHA accepts donations but charges no fee, whether people stay for a week, a month, or a year, and they do expect all lay men and women guests to participate fully in the life of the community - prayers, meals, manual labour, Holy Mass, and recreation.... Guests sleep in dormitories for women or for men. Priest guests, especially elders, are a bit more free to do manual labour or not because they know how much priests are exhausted when they come and are very much in need of a rest.

It is good to harbour feelings of gratitude and give thanks to God our Creator

I join you in giving thanks to God for the wonderful graces and progress with which the Lord has been blessing you in your life. How do I know this? It is unlikely that you would be reading this if it were otherwise. Even the most difficult and painful, lonely human existence has blessings, most of which we don't even realize or notice. It has taken me over forty years to realize such blessings as my heart beating and my lungs breathing, over which I have no control at all. 

How wonderful it is the way Almighty God is so patient with us, so careful not to do damage to our free will, which is why God is being so patient with your aging parent(s). It is wonderful that you are now trying to love your aging parent(s) in accord with their needs, and now the Lord will help you to love your aging parent(s) the way they need to be loved, which may not the way you have been trying to do it. Don't beat yourself up about this, though, because we all fall into this trap; trying to change our parents. It's called the "role reversal trap" when children try to behave as parents towards their own parents, especially when they become old or older. God has given us wisdom about this in the Old Testament book of Sirach chapter 3.

We are not on Earth to find happiness. Oh, really?!?

We are not on Earth to find happiness, because this is something that the Most Holy Trinity is preparing for us in eternity. We are on Earth to become saints, and the only way to become a saint is to walk in the steps of Jesus and accept the Holy Spirit's guidance to live as Jesus did. This of necessity includes accepting freely and gladly carrying the cross of suffering that life brings us, either in our own life, or because of our love for others. You may find this hard to believe, but Jesus really wants to help you become a saint, like all the saints now in Heaven! Jesus will do this through the ordinary events of your life.

The "ways of the Lord"

We are all learning "the ways of the Lord" and his patience is something we generally find difficult to accept, especially when it comes to other people in our lives. We have the impression we know what they need, and we try to tell them what to do, but this generally doesn't work. If anything, the more we persist in "nagging at them", the more likely it is that they will "harden" their views and "dig in their heels". It's human nature.

We mostly don't realize it, but God is "at work" within us, in our lives

This may be a new stage in your life now. Whenever we turn aside from any form of bad habit, evil behaviour, or sin, such as when we accept to live in the grace of chastity, the Holy Spirit cleanses the eyes of our mind, heart, and soul, and we begin to see more clearly and to see as God sees. We will need all eternity to approach the wisdom and love that is in the Most Holy Trinity, but rejoice and be glad that the Holy Spirit now seems to be leading you on this path. You can know this, because Jesus is sharing with you his Sacred Heart. His Sacred Heart suffers, even though his humanity is risen from the dead and now immortal in Heaven, because He FEELS our sufferings as though they are his own. This is what perfect love does.

So, Jesus is now inviting you to accept to endure the suffering you see in your aging parent(s), simply to accept to suffer what they are suffering, without trying to change them in any way.  This is how God behaves towards us, but Jesus also prays to the Father, interceding for us in eternity. Romans 8:34 Jesus ever lives to intercede for us with his Father. Hebrews 7:25

Honouring our parents may be the most difficult commandment to observe....

As your parents' child, you owe your aging parent(s) respect and love, according to the 4th commandment in Exodus 20:12: "Honour your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you." On this depends the possibility for you to live well and long in the land. These are the ways of the Lord which He wants us to respect so that we can then receive his abundant blessings. Even if your aging parent(s) were terrible criminals, you would still owe them respect and need to honour them for having participated with God our Creator in giving you life. The more your aging parent(s) have in addition to this done good things for you, then you need all the more to honour and respect them and love them. Jesus will help you to love your aging parent(s) as Jesus and the Father and the Holy Spirit love you.

The difficult temptation to treat our aging parents as though they were children

It is not your place in life to reform your aging parent(s). They must do that for themselves, just as you are now doing it for yourself, with the grace of God. You will have peace about your aging parent(s)'s troubles once you adopt Jesus' own attitude of trust in the Father on behalf of your earthly parents and join Jesus in interceding for them. You can do this by offering what you suffer on your aging parent(s)'s behalf at every Mass, putting your offering of yourself with your aging parent(s) on the altar with the bread and wine.

The liberating Christian practice of "becoming a living sacrifice"

Day by day, every time you suffer something with or because of your aging parent(s), every time immediately intercede for them, talk to our Heavenly Father about it, ask Jesus to have mercy on your aging parent(s), and join Jesus in praying for your aging parent(s). You can offer the Divine Mercy Chaplet for your aging parent(s); it only takes a few minutes. Every big or little thing willingly endured out of love... every prayer... every gesture of kindness... is an agreeable offering to God, and this regular practice makes us into a "living sacrifice pleasing to God" according to Saint Paul in his Letter to the Romans 12:1.

You can fast and offer penances to God on behalf of your aging parent(s), but offering your participation at Holy Mass is the most powerful thing you can do for them. Know that your personal prayers, fasts, and penances you offer for your aging parent(s) are the most powerful acts you can make on their behalf.

In time, when they are ready, your aging parent(s) will also experience the graces you now enjoy, and they too will learn to put their trust in God instead of in earthly things.

Peace to you and your family. Through the communion of saints, I am glad to join you in praying for your aging parent(s).

Remember to ask our Blessed Mother Mary, Queen of Peace, to also join you in praying for your aging parent(s). "Mother Mary, pray for us. Thank you, Mother Mary." "Saint Joseph, just man and foster father of Jesus our Saviour, pray for us."

Christ is risen, alleluia!

                                                   Pax + Caritas,       Fr. Gilles

    

                      Fr. Gilles A. Surprenant – Associate Priest of the Madonna House Apostolate

 

                         "Were not our hearts burning within us as He talked to us on the road

                                              and explained the Scriptures to us?"  Luke 24:32

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2024 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2024 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Everywhere we turn, we see the human condition in all of its poverty, struggle, anguish, and dissatisfaction; with life and love just out of reach....

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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What the heck is going on, anyway?

Everywhere we look in our world, in our life - in the dynamics among nations, in the political arena, in the drama lived out in marriages and families, in churches and faith communities, in our own lives - everywhere human beings are to be found; we see situations and experiences that describe endless permutations of the human condition after the original sin. In Genesis chapter 3 is related the temptation and the fall of Eve and Adam. There we find related that moment when God described to the man and the woman the results, the consequences of their sin, their rebellion, their decision to stop trusting in God. When you hammer a nail, it goes into the wood. When you pour water on a thing, it becomes wet. When you drop a crystal glass on a marble floor, it shatters into pieces. The human condition is very much like what we all experience of trouble and dissatisfaction. Here is what Genesis 3 relates.

The man would lose the life of ease he had until then known in the garden provided by God his Creator. From now on, in order to live, he would have to obtain his food by the sweat of his brow. He would have to make constant efforts to cultivate the earth, but it would resist him and produce thorns and thistles instead of the good fruits of the earth. In contemporary terms, man tries to do his work, but the work constantly resists him and demands more of him, depleting him until there is nothing left of him; no energy, no time, no life, no spouse, no family, nothing... but only death. It is a slavery that, unlike the chains of the past, is cleverly devised to get the man to voluntarily go into slavery by his own choice. This is the contemporary situation in most of the Earth, where there is no longer the slavery in chains, which still exists in other parts of the world.

The woman, perhaps because her entire design centres around her capacity to conceive and nurture life, she is closer to her body than is the man. Also, she is more acutely sensitive to all that pertains to relations with others; also a feature of her capacity to give and nurture life. She is more aware of and more sensitive to her own self as well as to others in what and how they are. Now, Eve also decided to stop trusting in God; so, for her the consequences were inevitably going to be that her natural desire for her husband would become exaggerated, causing her to "cling" to him. However, he would perceive this and react, in a kind of survival reflex, by dominating her, to protect himself from this clinging, or "nagging". In addition, her distrust in God would also alienate her from her own self, her own body; such that her labour pains would become intensified.

We human beings have a specific design with "room for God" inside

Our human condition now, due to the original sin which becomes actualized in us the moment we are conceived in our mother's womb, is basically alienation from God and insecurity. Human knowledge and efforts can never resolve completely or perfectly this human condition. The man is never satisfied with his work, with the world as he finds it, and the woman is never satisfied with her husband and her life as she finds it. It is a vicious circle out of which there is no escape, but only one solution. That solution is to restore the lost trust in God, our Creator. This is why Jesus Christ called people to follow Him and learn from Him certain disciplines enabling them to accept to live differently, to live the new life He offers those who accept Him and believe in Him. 

These Christian disciplines are merely the ways we need in order to take back into our own hands responsibility for our own life, for cultivating our own life, and for reconnecting ourselves with trust in God our Creator; who is ever present, ever offering to pour into us the "divine vitality" which is designed and intended to be the "breath" and "blood" of our life.

Yes, we need to be loved, but first and foremost, by God our Creator, and at every moment of the day and of the night; constantly. To turn aside and expect to be loved by anyone else can only end in failure, because all human beings are contingent, imperfect, and incapable of fulfilling our infinite capacity and need for life and love. Disconnected from God, we are like a beautiful chandelier without electricity. Only God, the Most Holy Trinity, is worthy of our trust, because God is our origin and our eternal destiny. We have been designed to receive into ourselves the indwelling Presence of the Most Holy Trinity, without whom we remain empty and cold.

Who or what is God?

God is already complete and has always been complete and sufficient from all eternity. There was never any need for growth or testing in God. Jesus of Nazareth, a Jew of Galilee in Palestine two millennia ago, revealed that God is a trinity, a community and communion of divine Persons. From all eternity the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have been a completely fulfilled and vital community of love. They are love; they don't have or give love, they ARE LOVE. We, on the other hand, are contingent beings. We begin as nothing and slowly grow and develop. We need to be constantly tested in order for the tests to shake us from the impulse to relax our efforts and try to be "just carried" by someone else, like the baby we once were.

Living a human life is work, requires deliverate effort freely made

Only by our constant efforts to live, to strive, to create, to give, and to love are we able to take responsibility for our life and live it more fully. The only effective "fuel" for these constant efforts to live and love is the divine life and vitality of love which is God. God is our fuel, our food, our life, our love. No one else. To expect any other human being to love us, give us life, fulfill us, make us happy, is both unfair and impossible. No one can possibly ever meet our unlimited need and infinite capacity for life and love; no one except God. To expect this of any human being is to do them violence.

Eve is no more to blame than Adam

Why did the tempter approach Eve and not Adam? We think it was because Adam heard directly from God not to touch the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" or he would die. Eve had not yet been created. Adam later told Eve about this, but she did not hear it from God himself. The tempter considered her position a little weaker because of this; so, he probed that weakness.

Why did the woman and the man both find it attractive to seek out the "knowledge of both good and evil"? It can only be because they thought they were missing something, that they thought they were not entirely lovable in God's eyes; that they needed to do something to become more lovable, more acceptable to God. It was and still is a lie. God already loves us perfectly because God can only love perfectly; the Holy Trinity, the 3 divine Persons ARE love. The ocean doesn't have wet, it is wet. (From the film "Nikki and the Perfect Stranger". I will send you links to these wonderful films which explore what it would be like to have a visit here and now with Jesus.) God doesn't have love, God is love.

To focus on myself or on others? That is the question. 

When I focus on myself, how I feel, what I have and don't have; I remain isolated within myself. When I turn my focus away from myself to the other, I can see who and what the other is, what he is trying to do, what are her fears, hopes, struggles, aspirations, weaknesses, and strengths. If I study the other, I can discover in what ways the other needs to be loved; then, I can apply myself to love him or her in this way, putting myself at the service of the other out of love, pouring my vitality out in a flow of love. 

Love cannot be kept; it can only be given

Love's satisfaction is in the very act of love, of giving itself, of pouring itself out. Trying to get love, to have love, to hold onto love is like trying to hold water with a sieve. It's impossible. The only way to be full of love and never run out of love is to love, to give love away. That is impossible unless I am constantly connected to the River of Love, which is God.

You already know that as a mother or father, knowing how obviously dependent and helpless your child is from the moment of conception and birth. That poverty pulls love and caring out of you, and you find great satisfaction and pleasure loving your child; even to the point of exhaustion. Slowly, the child is developing a capacity to emerge as an individual, independent, and enterprising. This process will take at least 18 years or more before their autonomy is sufficient for them to go out on their own. The challenge then is to trust them and let them go as the new way to love them.

The human person is constantly changing; relationships never quite "catch up"

Along the way your manner of relating them is constantly changing, because they are constantly changing, and you never seem to quite catch up to the "new them", because the one you think they are today is actually the one you thought they were yesterday or last week or last month or last year. Today, they are quite different yet again... fetus, baby, toddler, little child, child, older child, pre-teen, pubescent child, young teen, older teen, transitional adult, young adult, adult, midlife adult, etc....

If you are a parent with young children, it would not be surprising that at the end of a day of pouring yourself out to your little children, that you would feel a need for someone else to take care of you. As a priest, I get to feel like that too. That's why I can say this, which may be difficult for you to hear or read, dear reader, but this is a "child's reflex", not a position of adult autonomy; it is a "passive reflex", not an "active reflex".

It is always "up to me" to decide to "care for myself"

Look at it this way. My life - body, mind, heart / psyche, and spirit / soul - is like the baby I once was. Then, it was Maman who took me up and cared for me in all my needs, more or less perfectly. Providing the care was sufficient, I would smile back at her, and she was content. (This relationship of care provider to infant is also the "theoretical model" adopted by Psychotherapist Dr. Jeannine Guindon, Ph.D., foundress of the Institut de Formation Humaine Intégrale in Montreal QC Canada. She founded a new helping profession called "psycho-education" or "psycho-educator".)

But now, I am no longer that baby, but my organism, my life, is as it were like that baby, because someone needs to take care of it. That someone is me. Once I became independent of Maman and Papa, it fell to me to care for myself in at least as good a manner as the care I had received from them. My "life" will only look back at me and smile when my care for my life is sufficient for it to be content. No one else can provide that for me; it is up to me to provide that for myself, somehow.

Self care is most effective and satisfying when it does not deprive anyone else

I need to care for my life on my own time, and in a way that does not put a burden on anyone else. Mostly, I need to care for myself between my two ears, in the way I choose to think about all these things and about my life and caring for my life. Even in the very midst of caring for another, a child or children for instance, within myself I can maintain a "sanctuary" of space in which I am selecting my attitudes and interior dispositions in such a way as to be "kind to myself" without depriving others of any good thing.

I am not a victim of my attitudes, but rather a "surfer of life"

The biggest most dramatic difference I can make for myself is, for example, when I notice anxiety rising within me, to acknowledge it, recognize it, understand where it's coming from, know that I can handle it, and put it aside; replacing it with deliberately connecting with God... welcoming God's love and vitality like exposing myself to the warmth and light of the sun.... This is only one example, but there are countless ways in which I can manage my life better by noticing, acknowledging, resolving now or putting aside to resolve later, and turning to God to be replenished here and now.

To employ a different analogy, it is true to say that I am not a "victim" of my attitudes, but rather a "surfer of life". My surf board is the meaning and purpose I wish to "give to my life", and with both feet firmly planted on this surf board, I see waves coming, position myself, keep my balance, and "ride each wave" for all the vitality, pleasure, and satisfaction it can afford; as I make my way along the beach.

Turning to God, opening myself up to God who is ever here, welcoming and receiving from God are so many elements of a way of living which is a kind of skill or practice, which can be learned easily enough because God is ever here and eager to fill me, refresh me, renew me, and love me.

Needless to say, it has been a life long challenge to learn to care well for my life, because that life is constantly changing with the times, as I age, with each new challenge, in each new situation, and also with the grinding routine of the repetitious demands of each repeated day and each repeated night.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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