My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.
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LOVE LETTER TO YOUNG COUPLES STRUGGLING UNDER THE WEIGHT OF DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY HISTORIES
It's so good and healthy and actually spiritual that young marrieds open their hearts and minds and spirits to each other and are finding words and images to express what they are feeling and going through as they bear the brunt of the misery of their dysfunctional relatives, near and far....
Much of what we have experienced of family over the years leaves a bad taste in our mouth, and sooner or later we are having the impression that our life tastes like misery, isolation, anger, and divorce, that all paths seem to be leading us there, and we don't see any other way.... By the way, dear Reader, feel free to share both your thoughts and my reflection with your spouse, partner, close friend, trusted relative; since as you may already be blessed to be able to say you and this other person are so trusting and open with one another, which by the way, is the way of love... it is God's way, not the world's way....
You may not know this or you may already know so well by now that the Holy Trinity have given us, those who wish to cultivate and use them, Kingdom eyes which in the light of the Holy Trinity allow us to see clearly the truth about God, about creation, about ourselves, about others, and about the world.
Remember in the Old Testament how God said to Israel that their sins linger on to the 3rd and 4th generation but that in the just his love endures for a thousand generations? Isn't it true... see how, though he was a sinner, because he was repentant and really did love God, David let God bring forth good fruit in his life, fruit that is enduring even today because among his offspring came Jesus....
All the cranky, miserable, nasty, hateful, jealous, malicious, angry, vengeful, wicked... words, looks, manipulations, judgements, actions, behaviors... and more that you have endured from your family and your spouse's or significant other's family - that both of you and perhaps also your children have endured - are in the category of the sins of ancestors that linger to the 3rd and 4th generation....
We all are defiled by such things - kind of like a mom or dad who in attending to their muddy little children who've had a lovely time playing in the mud become all muddy themselves, but it's not their mud, it's the children's mud - so too we are besmirched by people who are defiled by their ancestry and remain caught in it due to their own sin and failure to walk in God's grace or inability or lack of energy, desire, or resolve to extricate themselves. So they are miserable and their misery vomits forth onto anyone and everyone within range.... It's a real bitch, but what can you do?
That things are this way is no reason to give up on life, Marriage, God, joy, laughter, grace, struggle, work, and fruitful living. Just because some people live a bankrupt existence doesn't mean we should give it all up and go naked and homeless like them, figuratively speaking, and literally sometimes....
So just maybe what you're up against is too big, all-pervasive, dark, strong, grasping, clutching, suffocating for you to expect to fix any of it or for you to expect relief from each other, you and your counterpart. Only the Savior can bring you relief, and first and always, He brings you relief by walking with you along the road, like the disciples Cleopas and Simeon on he way to Emmaus, with the comfort of knowing that our Lord Jesus Christ cut through all that entangled jungle with the huge machete of his merciful love and sharp Word of life, making a path in which we can find some footing moment by moment.
That is why our Opus Dei brothers and sisters and fathers and all those firmly committed to walking in the steps of Jesus focus so much on the little things that keep us in constant communion with the Lord Jesus in the company of Mother Mary and Saint Joseph and in the dynamic heart of the divine vitality of the Holy Trinity. It's a real bugger that we can't fix any of it ourselves... our original sin infected spirit keeps wanting to pridefully fix things and people, but we can't even fix ourselves, let alone others, and it's just as well. In fact it is an act of divine providence that we can't save ourselves, because if we could, we would crash in a rapid spiral of focusing in on our own self and become inextricably isolated. No, it's much better that we need a Savior every moment of every day, because our desperate need continually drives us into the arms of Christ and into the heart of the Holy Trinity....
The dispensation of the Divine Mercy is to leave the darnel grow among the wheat; so that the weeds provoke us to reach out to God all the more for breath and life and sun and light and hope and love and faith.... It's on the taught string of the sharp arrow against the bow that the bow sings... it's in the friction of flesh on flesh, heart on heart, bone on bone, spirit on spirit that a married couple make divine music together, allowing the Holy Trinity to restore them, their children, and all those who accept the blessing, to Christ....
Only in Christ do we truly breath fire and light and living water as children of the Most High, only in the tension of the dance can the music lift up our spirits and draw others into the eternal dance of the Holy Trinity....
So, my dear Reader, do I think you and your counterpart, your soul mate, your other half, your dear friend are headed for separate ways, for isolation, for divorce? Of course not... but I do think that chances are - when you are intensively under fire on all sides - that in the heat of such battle how you feel, both of you, is a warning of divine providence to allow the Holy Spirit to wash you anew with living water and blow away all the dust and cobwebs of the worldly ways of those who are lost that threaten to engulf us.
As Satan discovered when he tempted Jesus, He has already been vanquished... he can scream and scheme and threaten and send minions and stir up the lost people and raise up armies against us, but we are already victors in Jesus who has already won the definitive victory. All that remains is for us to endure the struggle as Jesus extends his victory into all the dark corners of our lives and the lives of all the tormented lost souls in this world....
The only difference between us and them is that the Lord is giving us the blessed grace of Kingdom eyes to see what's really going on, to know the score, to discern the path, and to walk in it....
Peace to you both and your children if you have any, and be docile to the graces the Holy Spirit is giving you these troubled days to lean on the Lord and to touch his tender mercies in each other... If you are merely friends, don't forget the grace of friendship, of seeking first the good of the other. If you are married, then don't forget the grace of Marriage, of the blessed union of two souls bent on the other's well being, pleasure, joy, and consolation....
Come Holy Spirit…. Viens Esprit Saint….
L’abbé / Fr. Gilles
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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.
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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC
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