Wednesday, December 14, 2022

How can we understand how well or poorly our Church in Montreal is dealing with complaints?

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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From the start, dear reader, please allow me to identify myself as a retired priest in Montreal who is still active in ministry. What you find here are my "musings" as a Roman Catholic man of retirement age who also happens to be a priest. I no longer have any "mandate", nor title, nor any authority within the Roman Catholic Diocese of Montreal, beyond my occasional ministry here and there. However, as a citizen, I am entitled to my opinions like any other citizen, many of whom are not shy to broadcast their views, whether well informed or not. These days, I am receiving notes from friends and people who know me, along with quotes from the media such as:

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Articles reporting on inaction by the Archdiocese of Montreal

https://montrealgazette.com/news/local-news/montreal-archdiocese-slow-to-act-on-meddling-in-abuse-investigation-ombudsman

"MAUVAISE FOI" - par Isabelle Hachey - La Presse+     

« C’était devenu inacceptable », dit la juge Capriolo en claquant la porte

https://www.lapresse.ca/actualites/grand-montreal/2022-12-12/archidiocese-de-montreal/c-etait-devenu-inacceptable-dit-la-juge-capriolo-en-claquant-la-porte.php 

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What are we to make of all this noise?

I sympathize with all those who feel this way:

"It's frustrating to read this news. What is it going to take to light a fire under the comfortable pew? When will the penance be served ?   These were not only sins in the theological sense, but crimes in the legal sense."

Convicted pedophile stripped of priesthood by Montreal archdiocese | CTV News - 

"It's unacceptable for an institution that is at the cornerstone of the foundation of Montreal and of Quebec, with a worldwide reputation of trust, faith and love, to be so lazy in the reparation of its own legacy."

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Wait just a minute here... let's step back to see the "big picture", shall we?

Sadly, these are merely the cracks indicating the current condition of our beloved Church in the Diocese due to aging, multiple departures of staff for various reasons - better pay "in the world", retirement, disenchantment, Covid-19 complications, fear of being unfairly judged in the media, etc. etc. - such that those who remain "in the breach" are frankly overwhelmed. They are doing their best, but obviously, at times their best is "not good enough" for the critics and bystanders of this world. Anyone can tear down the reputation of another person or of any group or organization; that's easy to do... all you have to do is repeat a rumour or misinformation often enough and it acquires the appearance of truth. Much more laborious is the task of the truly effective investigative journalist, who appear to be a dying breed.

Then, these days we also find slowness to return to live participation in the Sunday Liturgy on the part of many of "the faithful" who, not least due to lingering fear of the SARS-Cov-2 virus, are reluctant or slow to return to their church or categorically staying home to watch on a screen. Again, as a dear friend would often say in such situations, and with great compassion and sincerity: "I feel your pain."

Sometimes the Church leads... other times, she has to "catch up"....

Add to the current challenges of our Diocese the advent of the ombudsman, which from an ecclesial point of view - even from a worldly point of view - has been a revolutionary move in the best possible way of looking at it. However, what needs to be understood at the outset, is that the presence and function of a good ombudsman is bringing to the Church the highest administrative standards of our modern society. Lest it be forgotten or neglected, let us remember that much of the social progress in western civilization was initiated and pushed forward by members of the Church. Even the scientific revolution was mostly "carried" by Catholic priests, religious, and laity. However, it is public knowledge, clearly seen from following the labours of Pope Francis, that in terms of administrative practices, the RC Church has only lately been able to "catch up" to developments in secular society. 

For centuries in Québec education and health care were provided entirely by religious organizations: Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, and others. Had it not been for these generations of generous and dedicated people who worked for little or nothing; the population would have had no schools, no hospitals, no social services of any kind. It is only in the past few generations that governments took these over. 

Here's a question. Where is the deep gratitude of a people, of a nation, for those on whose shoulders we now stand, live, and breathe, enjoying the rights, freedoms, and duties that are now ours? A people or nation incapable of gratitude towards those who have gone before is doomed to end badly. 

It was a very responsible and courageously selfless move for our Diocese to hire an ombudsman. It is a good thing, yes, but keep in mind that these administrative standards to which the ombudsman now holds the Diocese did not "fall from the sky" into our society, but were developed over decades and, for certain administrative principles, over centuries. As these administrative principles and practices developed - often driven by the profit principle in tandem with progressive social pressures - as well as in the course of the social and political revolution of the past six decades; all the institutions and people pushed, coerced, and carried by these changes and social evolution had TIME TO ADAPT.

A "new standard" of administrative principles and procedures....

The presence and ongoing role of the ombudsman in the Diocese of Montreal requires from this same Diocese an administrative response equal to these secular administrative standards of our modern society. Unfortunately, this new pressure is being put on the people, the workers of the Diocese, without allowing them the benefit of TIME TO ADAPT which have been enjoyed by administrative workers in business and public organizations for the past several decades. In addition, those who can be entrusted with the burden and responsibility of following up on the complaints received by the ombudsman are not many; they are few, and they already have full time posts requiring their attention, time, and energy. The Diocese has neither the personnel nor the resources of a multinational corporation, but is rather like a small family business struggling to make ends meet week by week, month by month. 

The great demographic expansion... and the Church shrinking....

A century ago the Diocesan Curia - the workers who are the immediate collaborators and workers of the archbishop - were only a handful at a time when parish churches saw thousands or tens of thousands of people every Sunday, each of them contributing their Sunday offering. Our population exploded with the post-WWII years, and so did our Church. Many new parishes were established in the 1950's, 1960's, and 1970's. Especially with the aftermath of Vatican Council II from 1962 to 1965 and the various renewal movements which followed, the size of the Diocesan Curia swelled as well in order to respond to new needs and demands. Current conditions require the Diocesan Curia to shrink rapidly, back towards the size it was a century ago before the demographic expansion took place. This in large part explains the delays about which the ombudsman is currently unhappy. Two or three people cannot "handle" many complex cases simultaneously with their already heavy duties. They do what they can over a period of time, as much time as it takes. "When will it be ready? It will be ready when it's ready."

Urgent and serious cases are being handled fairly quickly, but "historic cases"....

The general population is well acquainted with the trial, condemnation, and imprisonment of an English speaking priest who was later laicized, returned to the state of a layman, for having sexually abused two minors. The Diocese acted quickly, in fact, more quickly than the police initially. From where I stand, having heard of recent actions taken promptly following the reception of complaints, it seems that the Diocese continues to prioritize serious cases. I imagine, considering the complaint of the ombudsman as published in the news lately, that what will take more time is the handling of "historic cases", cases from the past that may or may not have been handled completely or to the satisfaction of the plaintiffs.

It is also public knowledge that the Archbishop commissioned an exhaustive research of all the files for all cases of abuse going back several decades. It is not rocket science to imagine that satisfaction will no doubt be given, but that it will take the time it has to take, given the Diocese's very limited human and financial resources. It's like the local populations who don't want their neighbourhood church to be sold or demolished, but who have contributed little or nothing to that building's maintenance or repair for the past several decades or in their lifetime. They want the building to continue, but they have no intention whatsoever of loosening their purse strings to make that happen, and prefer to pass the buck.

The "revolutions" of the 20th and 21st centuries....

Looking back again at our history, as populations shifted, new suburbs cropped up, new parishes were erected, the population base of older parishes gradually shrank, along with the Sunday attendance in those older churches. At the same time, the technological, economic, and social revolutions which affected us all, and the resulting upheaval in administrative practices which rapidly ensued, caused our society to "run far ahead" of where our Church was in terms of administrative practices, which put the Church on a somewhat parallel but separate track in terms of office work and the handling of files, calls, needs, and requests. It was doubtless to be expected, under the circumstances, that the Diocesan Curia would not be able to deal with all the internal Church challenges and simultaneously keep up with the upheaval in administrative changes and developments in business, government, and society.

Since Pope Leo XIII's "Rerum Novarum" in 1891, the Church has championed human development....

That is why our Diocese - for various human and understandable reasons - is not yet in sync with the world's administrative standards, even while the Church "runs ahead" with its high excellence in the domains of faith, hope, and charity, such as: the promotion of human dignity, human development, justice and peace, promotion of care for migrants and itinerant people, creative forms of economy putting the human person in the centre, caring for the poor and exploited, and care for the environment. Building on the work of his predecessors Saint Pope John Paul II and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, Pope Francis set a new standard for the protection of minors and other vulnerable people for the whole Church as recently as 2019. Again, though, human nature being what it is, it takes time for new perspectives, new understandings, new principles, new standards, and new administrative measures to be not only adopted in practice, but deeply integrated into our psyches, minds and hearts.

There is no defence against those who insist on remaining ignorant of the truth, the facts....

There are still those who, simply not knowing much about the Church from up close, still accuse "the Church" of being "rich" and indifferent to the poor. Add up the value of all the homes on your street and the values will add up to such a huge number as to give the impression that all those who live on your street "are rich" as well. The Church consists of thousands of parishes where the people erect, use, and maintain buildings, which seems like a lot of "riches". In fact, though, most churches barely have enough resources to pay their priests a basic living, let alone a reasonable wage. If the Pope is required to use part of the annual Papal Charities fund to cover his operating deficit, it is only because reduced attendance and offerings in the prosperous countries and the poverty of churches in other countries reduce or inhibit the regular revenues of local parishes and of their subsequent contributions to the Papal See. Wherever the Church exists, people's salaries and church expenses must still be paid.

What emerges here, I think, is that all too often we can employ two disparate standards: we justify ourselves with one standard, but then we hold the Church to a different standard. For example, I don't mind leaving a $15 tip to the waitress after a $120.00 meal with a relative or friend, but I may consider $15 far too much to drop into the collection basket at Church for my Sunday offering. Two different places; two different standards. Unfortunately, when the local church pays salaries and expenses, it is by the same standard from which none of us can escape. The cost of living is the same for everyone.

Applying 2 different standards only breeds confusion and ignorance....

The media outlets covering the latest kerfuffle over the ombudsman's latest report suffer, I believe, from this error of two different standards. Case in point: "in the world" you apply for a job, are interviewed at least once, must provide full c.v. and disclosure, may have the opportunity to negotiate your salary, then you receive a job description, after which you have periodic reviews after 90 days, six months, 12 months, and then on an annual basis. In the Curia, as needs and tasks arose and developed since the time of the colony, clergy and religious did most of the "heavy lifting", and good lay people who were known or who were looking for work were taken on. Often, they "learned on the job".

To put it simply, until recently, we've not had in the Church the benefit of such stringent administrative practices, nor detailed job descriptions, as those current in the marketplace. However, our current Archbishop, like Pope Francis with his Vatican Curia, saw the need and began leading the Diocesan Curia into reform. Some 5 years ago, or so, the Archbishop hired a competent lay woman with experience in HR - human resources - to start up a department of HR from scratch. She would have needed an assistant and a secretary, but all she had was herself... no funds. Well, she's still plugging away, occasionally is able to get some help, and is slowly putting in place HR measures and practices. Needless to say, human nature being what it is, there's a lot of resistance, and progress takes time.

The Diocese is deeply committed to a process of renewal, which takes time. The critical voices echoed in the media seem to be telling the Diocese: "There is no time. You have no time."

Now, suddenly, under the watch of the ombudsman, there simply is "no time", because we are being dragged into "today's administrative standards, ready or not". So, day by day more and more church workers are being held to the highest administrative standards, and, quite frankly, many are simply not yet up to the task, at least, not to the degree to be expected in business or public institutions which have been developing them for decades. A diocese can't just fire everybody in one fell swoop and start from scratch. There are also issues of justice and fair treatment of workers to be respected. It looks to me like we are all being dragged into the 21st century kicking and screaming and holding on for dear life.

Maybe this ongoing renewal of our diocese and the stringent demands of the ombudsman will continue to cost us and "more administrative heads may have to roll", as it were; who can tell? One media article, perhaps quoting the ombudsman's report, insinuated that the Diocese was using canon law to conceal or protect people against whom there may be a complaint. There again, those who are ignorant of how the Church operates, and who may want to remain ignorant, can't understand that canon law is part of the Roman Catholic Church's "code" of conduct. No diocese, bishop, priest, or baptized person has an "option" of not abiding by canon law, but must live in accord with it. Clergy are strictly held to live and work in accord with canon law. People complain about the delays in civil legal procedures and courts, but they accept that this is the way it is. Well, it's the same with Church canonical procedures.

Jesus continues to offer "eternal life" through his Church.... 

In the meantime, in appears to me - I could be wrong - that news outlets are glad to have one more reason to beat up on "the church". Any time "the Church" stands out - like at Christmas and Easter - she makes a "good target" I suppose. If there's no "new" news, rehashing "old" news will have to do. For those of us who love the Church, she is our Mother, because through her our God gives us life, a share in eternal life. Jesus defined eternal life this way, according to John the Evangelist: "And this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." John 17:3 

The Church is our mother, and she doesn't need us to add our own scandalized grumblings and strident recriminations from our comfortable couches. Frustration can be a profitable thing, if we interpret it as part of "the cross" that Jesus says we must all be willing to bear if we would follow Him. As Father John Walsh of beloved memory used to say and actually wrote: "It may be more comfortable to watch the parade from the sidelines, but it is far more effective to join the parade." We'll see how it goes. 

The new policy of protecting vulnerable people is working and continues to be developed....

We know that in 2019-2020 a priest was accused, judged, condemned, imprisoned, and laicized for having sexually abused two minors. In the past two years alone the Archbishop has brought the diocesan personnel and many priests through sensitivity training in order to enable everyone to participate in helping to prevent abuse of any kind from every happening again. Not everyone has been through the formation yet, but our collection of parishes, movements, clergy and laity can't be expected to move "in lock step" like the employees of a large corporation who are given no choice if they want to keep their salary. Our Church has salaried people but it also has retired people and volunteers. 

The opeating principle of the R.C. Church is "good will"; like what the angels spoke of to the shepherds guarding their flocks by night in the fields near Bethlehem at the time of Jesus' Nativity, which we are preparing these days to celebrte. The church is not the military on parade. Human nature being what it is, there will always be risks, but we try to minimize them and to put everyone involved "on alert", which is a very good thing to do. In many ways, Montreal is leading the way for other churches.

It is true, as Pope Francis repeats, that even one single act of abuse is criminal and unacceptable. The Roman Catholic Church consists of 2,248 dioceses, over 5,600 bishops, over 414,582 priests, and 1.3 billion Catholics worldwide. Unlike a tightly organized multinational corporation, the R.C. Church can only move slowly but surely. We have all seen how long it has taken Pope Francis, with all his determined efforts, to reform the Vatican Curia, a task which has made much progress but which continues to this day. Strong decisions are being made, strong measures are being implemented, and strong action is being taken, but the Church is not a police state, civil government, or military.

True progress takes time....

You know the expression well: "Rome wasn't built in a day." However, those who are disgruntled with the Church's progress to date - whether they take issue with the Vatican, with the many dioceses of a particular country, with their own nation or diocese, or with their own parish - progress takes time. Every time someone new comes along, they have to be trained and start from scratch. "You can't turn a ship on a dime."; as the captain of the Titanic discovered to his discomfiture and to his death.

Much is currently being done, which is good, but reports say that there remain trouble spots where action may not be happening fast enough. However, in making these remarks, we are not distinguishing among the varied levels of complaint - from the person who doesn't like a priest's tone of voice or the way he looks at them, at the less serious end of the spectrum, to an actual allegation of sexual abuse, abuse of authority and power, or psychological abuse at the really serious end.

I have heard of at least 3 priests recently - good young priests with fine reputations and who were well loved - against whom there was a complaint, not necessarily of a sexual nature but perhaps in terms of the treatment of relationships, or simply because they weren't scrupulously following 21st century administrative procedures. I can tell you that "a great big hand reached down from the sky and pulled them rapidly out of both their ministry and residence", basically making them "disappear" for the duration of the ensuing investigation, whether or not they would later be found guilty. 

The process can be merciless... which is difficult for a Church that is a Mother....

Should it turn out that they are innocent and were falsely or mistakenly accused, the damage to their reputation will probably remain irreparable... "the cost of doing business in this modern age". These modern ultra high standards are killing for the parish communities that suddenly find their priest "disappeared" without explanation. We all agree that overt sexual abuse of any kind is intolerable, but some less grave forms of abuse are also reported. Even if one person or a few people have a legitimate complaint that they felt mistreated by their priest, the truth often is that all the other people in the parish may hold the priest in high regard, appreciate his ministry, and dearly love him. None of this matters in the face of a complaint, and the priest is "taken out". The ombudsman is watching and waiting. 

The rigorous standards which brought us the ombudsman require confidentiality; such that very little if anything can be told to the parishioners, lest the identity of the person making the complaint be revealed. Even in the case of the priest found to be innocent, when it turns out that he did nothing wrong; nevertheless, confidentiality requires protection even for the identity of the one who complained; so, either way, guilty or innocent, the priest will have to live with the consequences for the rest of his life... "the cost of doing business in this modern age". This whole process can be merciless, which is difficult for the Church to endure; for she truly is a Mother and exists to "give life" and "give life in abundance" as Jesus promised. The Church is Jesus' instrument in the world to manifest the "maternal love" of God his Father by the workings of the Holy Spirit, the "Lord and Giver of life".

The latest headlines....

The current hullabaloo in the news is primarily about two things. First, if I understand the situation correctly, there are only 2 or 3 full time workers at the Diocese who must deal with some or many or all of these complaints, and they are already overburdened in their regular functions and duties. The complaints are above and beyond their regular duties and, probably, "way above their pay grade" to employ a secular business term. To all intents and appearances, they are good people doing the best they can. In some cases, the well experienced worker retired and has been replaced by someone new who has to "learn the ropes", which takes at least 6 to 12 months. Then, some of these new people leave to earn more money "in the world", which again requires someone new to start from scratch. In other words, the Diocese is hard pressed from within and without, with little relief in sight. Again, it is my impression that all too often, media outlets seem not to care for this depth of facts. Journalism used to pride itself on being "investigative", but now all too often media reports rather resemble gossip sheets that simply pass on whatever reports or claims may be had from whatever sources are available. 

Second, an episcopal vicar, in other words a close collaborator of the archbishop, has been accused and allegedly messed up. His intentions may have been squeaky clean - I don't know the details, nobody except the ombudsman and a few others know - but he allegedly forwarded something confidential about a complaint to whoever it was he was communicating with. He allegedly broke the rigid rules of confidentiality and the ombudsman is ripping mad. We can sympathize. As ombudsman, she has the task and duty of being the champion of those with a serious complaint. As a result of these high standards, whether the episcopal vicar in question messed up or not, "he's gone", "burned", "finished".

Apparently, we're "not working fast enough"....

Third, her other complaint is that the process of handling complaints isn't going fast enough according to the standard she is putting to the Diocese. Well, hello! The Diocesan Curia is not a multinational corporation with a president, 5 vice-presidents, and an army of department managers with dozens of employees each, all earning six figures annually, and leaning heavily on the people below them.

All the clergy earn the same, from the newly ordained to the priest with 50 years of experience, from the newly ordained priest to the archbishop and his auxiliary bishops. In 2022, that was $27,601.46 + an amount for room - $7,992.19 and board - $6,750.73 plus employer contributions to the group insurance and pension funds; for a total value of ca. $45,000.00. Lay people working for the Diocese, depending on whether they have 1 or 2 certificates, a Bachelor's or a Master's degree, earn from $33,998 to $40,384.00 plus employer contributions to the group insurance and pension funds, putting them roughly on a par with the clergy. It is true that the clergy are better off than their predecessors prior to around 1960 when the first annual salary of $1,000.00 was instituted. Before that, priests only got $1.00 for each Mass they celebrated, period. That was it; apart from anything more that people may have wanted to give them from time to time. In those days, pastors took charge of the Christmas and Easter collections, from which they had to administer the rectory staff and expenses, including food. Despite these figures, which dramatically increased in recent years to ca. $8,000.00 when I was ordained in 1983, people can still find better conditions "in the world", and they do, regularly, leave to do that. 

For priests on pensions today, the older their pension is, the less they currently receive, due to the rapid increases in salary in the 1980's and 1990's, and the less likely they are to earn enough to be able to live where they would like to live; such that they probably have to settle for whatever they can afford, like many pensioners in the general population, with the exception of course of those who benefit from family inheritances putting them among those who are "independently wealthy". As prices continue to rise, the average priest, like the average lay person, will be able to afford even less.

Do you have a right to an opinion if you are "merely a bystander" and don't support the Church?

Meanwhile, the vast majority of "the faithful" either "watch the Mass" from the comfort of their home or don't participate at all. We sympathize with and do our best to live in solidarity with, and to support, those who are really poor. No doubt that Jesus still finds among the poor the "widow giving her two little coins" for love of the Church. Among those many people who live well enough, very few actually loosen their purse strings to contribute to the Church, and when they do, for most of them, it wouldn't even cover the tip for a cup of coffee. At the same time, the cost of repairs and maintenance on church buildings has doubled or more, with the general result that they cannot be maintained and people who still go to church hope and pray their church will remain open as long as possible until the city has to condemn the building as unsafe and order it locked up; as happened over a year ago with St. Gabriel. Many or most of our parishes cannot even pay their priest's salary, let alone do maintenance.

"In the world", the president and CEO makes a decision and sends it to his VP's, who in turn lean heavily on their many managers, who then tighten the screws on their dozens of workers. Nope, not here. We're talking 2 or 3 people IN ALL to handle the complaints coming from the ombudsman! I could be wrong, but this is the way it seems to be to me as I approach my 40th anniversary.

Time to "wake up"!

So, let's wake up and smell the coffee, folks. Let's get real and stop flying high in the stratosphere with our highfalutin discourses about "how scandalous it is how the Church is handling or not handling" the wide spectrum of complaints keeping the ombudsman busy. The Diocese of Montreal stands with our Archbishop and is decidedly committed to taking the part of each person with a complaint of abuse of any kind. That is good, and we stand by this principle and we stand in solidarity with those who have suffered at the hands of those who have abused them. We feel their pain and join them in praying to God for their healing, comfort, and satisfaction as they are heard and given the help they need.

Meanwhile, we give thanks to God for the good people who, because they work for "the Church", endure in the media a variety of public criticisms, accusations, and condemnations. Nevertheless, they remain faithfully at their posts, for the love of God, for the good of souls, and for love for their Church. For the glory of God, they continue to do the best they can, faithfully supporting our archbishop. 

Jesus warned us not to expect to be treated any better than He was, the Son of God Himself, Love in Person. See how the apostles / evangelists reported this in John 15:18-21 and Matthew 10:22-24. Undoubtedly these good workers will continue to find much comfort in the truth that they are living squarely in the 8th beatitude as reported in his Gospel by Matthew 5:10-12.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC
 

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Monday, November 07, 2022

What are the acceptable and sinless signs of affection in a relationship? ( Kisses, hugs, touch.....)


Dear young woman,

You are now asking: "What are the acceptable and sinless signs of affection in a relationship? ( Kisses, hugs, touch.....)"

It is less about the gestures and more about what is in the heart, what are the motivations, what is it that we are really desiring, seeking, wanting?

When a touch, a hug, a kiss comes toward you, is he coming to "take" something from you, or is he offering something to you? Also, what is it that you want and desire? Is it in accord with God's plan for our happiness? Is it in accord with what God wants for you, what God is calling you to do?

A man and a woman can stand face to face, holding hands. He moves his face a little closer, but respectfully waits. She moves her face a little closer, which he interprets as her willingness to do more; so, he kisses her gently. She receives the kiss also gently.

Then suddenly, to her surprise, he kisses or grabs her more passionately - the male hormones tends to put men into "overdrive" - in a kind of frenzy in which he is no longer in control of his actions and his whole body is driving him towards relief of the pressure he feels... which basically is relieved when his genitals expel the sperm and he then experiences a "rinsing out" of hormones and the pressure is relieved. When husband and wife are intimate, after the man has ejaculated, if he was previously tired, he will often fall asleep then.

A woman's problem and challenge is that what began so gently and respectfully has suddenly transformed into something far more passionate, perhaps even, from her point of view, a bit violent, or even very violent. Now she tries to push him away and says "No!" but he doesn't understand, or he thinks she is just playing with him, and so he continues. It becomes a big problem. The reason it becomes so confusing is that the two of them did not talk it out clearly beforehand. In every relationship, these things must be made very clear; otherwise, the risk remains for misunderstanding and misery.

You see, a woman's "weakness" or "vulnerability" is her desire to please. She is afraid to say "No!" to the man she desires when he wants "more" physical affection from her, because she is afraid he will be displeased and may even reject her and look for someone else who will more easily give him what he wants. Woman is afraid of being unloved, of being rejected, or remaining alone, abandoned. That is why it is so important for fathers to love their daughters well; so that they already know they are loved and lovable and don't need to find a boy to love them. What God says to all his daughters is this:

"Be not afraid. If when you say "No!" to the man you like and he then rejects you and goes away; rejoice, and be glad, for he was not worthy of you. If you had stayed with him, he would only have brought you heartache. Conserve your "treasures" carefully, my daughter, and keep them for the man I your God and Creator, your heavenly Father, have in mind for you, a man truly worthy of you, who will respect you and not try to take from you that which you will freely choose to give him on the day you commit your lives to one another for life, on your wedding day. Then, even after the wedding day, for the rest of your lives together, such a good man will never try to "take" anything from you. On the contrary, he will study you and learn what pleases you and make many efforts to give you tenderness and affection in ways that truly please you and cherish you as his beloved."

I wrote everything I wrote in the last email because the challenge never goes away that the woman and the man experience everything differently. That means you must always be "on alert" to be aware of your dignity, your goals, and your limits. You, each of you, need to explore these things, and to understand more completely what it is that you want in your life.

Do you want to know and to do the will of God? Do you want to love God and to embrace the plan He has for your life? What about your boyfriend? Does he want to know and to do the will of God? Do he want to love God and to embrace the plan He has for his life?

To answer your question in a different way, expressions of affection between boys and girls should never be different than what would be appropriate for brother and sister or for children with their parents and relatives. No one should engage in anything more "passionate" outside of marriage, because the way God our Creator designed woman and man, once the affectionate gestures cross over into passionate embrace, then hormones "take over" and "drive them towards union" and towards the "creation of new life", that is, the fertilization by the man of the woman's eggs. Before marriage, touching, hugging, and kissing must remain gentle, and "brief", so as to avoid stirring up the fires of passion. Once the fire is lit, it is almost impossible to stop.

Women must be very understanding and considerate of men, who are much more easily and much more quickly "aroused" and burst into raging fire. For their part, men must be very mature and disciplined, and learn how to master their own impulses and passions. Otherwise, they are unsafe for the women in their lives, and they will be incapable of being chaste, respectful of their wife, or faithful to her.

You see, we are all affected or "infected" by the thinking, the values, and the behaviour of the world, of the society, of the culture around us. We "swim" in it like fish in the water. We "take in" countless impressions, images, and emotions from this culture, and much of what we "take in" is in accord with pagan values or even total lack of values. One dominant "value" or "negative value" in our culture is "If it feels good, do it." But what often "feels good" to the man does not "feel good" to the woman, which is why there are so many sexual abuse and harassment cases in the courts.

If we really want to live life fully and to enjoy the abundance of life God wants to give us, we need to conduct ourselves according to God's standards, and not according to the world's standards.

On another of my Blogger pages, you will find several articles and links on a wide variety of topics around human sexuality, love, fertility, and happiness - Field Hospital for Meaning, Purpose, and Fulfillment in Human Intimacy and Sexuality

Does this begin to help to clarify this question for you?

If you email me, I will be very happy to respond to you, either of you, or better yet, both of you. You will find a button to easily email me if you go to my home page and scroll down a little or simply go here: EMAIL ME.

Peace to you and your families. God is with you; you can trust in Him. You can trust in Jesus, the Divine Mercy.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC
 

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Sunday, November 06, 2022

A young woman or young man asks: "How can we conduct ourselves in such a way as to have a chaste relationship before God?"




My very dear young woman, here are a few thoughts for you and your boyfriend. My very dear young man, here are a few thoughts for you and your girlfriend.

First of all, I wouldn't be surprised if it is you, the woman, who is asking me this question, and not the man. You are asking "how to conduct yourselves as girlfriend and boyfriend so that your relationship will be a chaste relationship." As you will see, the fact that you, the woman, who is asking this question, this is already an indication of the things I am about to share with you. If the young man is asking me this question; then, I will be very impressed with him, that he would have this capacity to care so much for the other as well as for himself. I will be very interested to continue this as a chat with both of you, you, young woman, and your boyfriend, by email, if this is something you would like to do. You can easily find on my home page, if you scroll down a little, a button for sending me an email. What follows is fairly lengthy, but then your question touches on very deep things.

When I was in high school, a boys only school on our side - the girls were with religious sisters on the other side - some of my classmates wanted to know, at 16 years old, "Brother, how far can we go?" He was asking the question in thinking about going out with his girlfriend.

Well, that is a normal question I think for a 16-year-old boy, and perhaps also the girl.

However, there is wisdom, I think, in the difference that God our Creator built into women and men. We are definitely made, designed, different, which means that we experience these things differently, and therefore, we react differently.

Generally speaking, in the vast domain of human relationships, it is quite true to say that human males, from puberty on, without even thinking about it, just by being male human beings, in approaching their relationships with girls as boys or with women as men, sexual intimacy tends to be quite prominent in their bodies, minds, imaginations, hearts, and perhaps even in their souls. This is primarily because their sexual sensitivity is "on the outside".

Human females, on the other hand, while they are also "fully equipped sexually", their sexual sensitivity is "on the inside". That is because God designed the human female to be the "host" of the "new life" that happens when the female's "eggs" begin to "ripen" and descent towards the place where they are likely to meet the spermatozoa contributed by the male. Our Creator designed our human sexuality entirely around this capacity we have to "create new life", which makes us "in God's image and likeness". Therefore, God made woman to be resilient, to "last" through almost any human difficulty or calamity. Think of your own mothers, grandmothers, and aunts. Just ask any woman who finds it hard to lose weight, and she will tell you that this is so. When there is a famine, men will die sooner than women, because God designed women to be able to nurse their babies as long as possible during calamities.

This means, then, that God our Creator designed women "to give life, to nurture life". For this and other reasons, in approaching their relationships with men, just as it is also true for girls with boys, the human female tends to have foremost in her body, mind, imagination, heart, and soul not sexual sensitivity, but rather the relationship itself, in other words, friendship, fraternity, and simple caring about the other.

This is why in the course of the "battles" between boys and girls, men and women, the males tend to be "pushed" by their internal pressures "towards sexual pleasure and gratification"; whereas the females tend to be "drawn" by their need and desire for relationship, for friendship, to simply know from others that they are "lovable" and "loved". No sexual activity is needed for her to be satisfied. All she needs is for him to look into her eyes, to walk with her, to hold her hand, and to chat with her and "talk about a million things".

This continues to be true all through life. In marriage, the woman is called the "bride" and the man is called the "bridegroom". The wisdom contained in these terms already contains the truth that, in God our Creator's design, He has made the female so "rich", so "full of life", so "attentive and giving" of herself, so generous in "all that she says and does for others", that she deserves to be appreciated, valued, defended, cherished, and cared for. Men can very easily be selfish... just look at the world around us and at all the conflicts worldwide and you will see how little men think of woman and children when they make war on one another. So, then, the man is called the "bridegroom" because God designed him to have all he needs in order to appreciate, value, defend, cherish, and care for the women in his life: beginning with his mother and grandmother, his aunts and cousins, his sisters, and all the other females that come into his life.

When a husband truly is and truly lives like a bridegroom and "grooms" his wife well, cares for her and cherishes her every single day of their lives; then, his wife notices this and values him in return. She knows she has a real treasure, and she attaches herself to him. When they spend much "couple time" together, chatting, sharing, listening, holding hands, looking into each others' eyes... then they experience a real "fullness of intimacy" in their way of living together and relating to one another, caring for one another, all day and all night, all week long, for their whole lives. Then, the actual sexual intimacy happens very naturally to them. As they pay attention to one another, they give "signals" to one another to "approach", to "come nearer", and if they truly CARE for the OTHER, they pay attention to these signals, and nothing happens that either doesn't want, and there only happens what they both want. This is the perfect "nest" in which new life can be conceived.

However, when men don't fully understand or were never initiated or mentored into their identity, place, and role "as a man" in this world; then there is a risk for men, as for boys, to "follow their instincts, their impulses" which, if left unmoderated, ungoverned, makes human males into "big penises on wheels". That is how it happens at parties and on college and university campuses, in workplaces, and anywhere in society that a man "thinks" the woman is "saying yes" when in fact she really wants to "say no". That is how date rape happens, and sexual harassment and violence. The simple fact that a man "finds her attractive" can give him the impression she is "saying yes", but in actual fact, if he bothered to read all the signs and to take the time to find out how she really feels, he would probably find out that at this time, and in this situation, she probably wants to "say no".

A woman's weakness is her desire to please, to give life, to nurture life, to "say yes to life".  That is primarily what makes women the "weaker sex"; it is not that she is weak, because as I wrote above, God our Creator designed woman to be resilient. A man's weakness is his inclination to think of himself first, and not to put the other first. When he does that, he can allow himself to be dominated by his "sexual drive" which propels him "towards the goal", which is not the relationship, not the good of the other, but his own satisfaction, to "relieve the sexual pressure" driving him onward.

That is why it is so important for parents, for mothers and fathers AS COUPLES to educate and form their children well, both boys and girls, to understand themselves, to understand the purpose of life, to learn how to put others first, to learn how to notice, understand, and "master" within themselves their human drives and inclinations, and also to understand how different these things are in boys and girls, in men and women, and how to take care not to take advantage of others.

I have read, for example, that some good fathers take great care to love their girls and to show each of them how beautiful and lovable their are. Some fathers give each of their daughters a beautiful ring on their 16th birthday to demonstrate to her how much he loves her as her father and to let her know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that she is not only lovable, but lovely, and loved. She no longer needs to try to find from boyfriends this knowledge, because her own father makes it very clear to her that she is "fully equipped" for life, that she holds in herself an infinitely precious treasure, and that she should take care not to "throw it away" to just anyone, but safeguard her riches carefully for the day when she meets a man truly a man and worthy of her, capable to caring for her as a husband should.

In his relationship with his boys, this good father demonstrates and shows them how to respect, love, and cherish the women in their lives, beginning with their own mother, grandmother, sisters, and aunts and cousins. He helps them understand how they must make efforts to "master" their own inclinations in order to "have the freedom" to apply all their resources to love well the women in their lives and truly care for them and cherish them. Only then will they themselves be truly happy.

In the intimacy between a husband and wife, which is the normal context within which sexual intimacy can take place without any dangers to either of them or to their couple relationship, the woman "takes longer" to "warm up" to the intimate encounter; whereas in a way the man is "always ready to go". This is primarily because the male "sexual equipment" is external and generally requires very little stimulation to "get going".

In the long-term relationship between a husband and wife, and between the wife and her husband, this often is where they can experience trouble. The wife simply needs - like the fiancee - to "be noticed, to be appreciated, to be looked into her eyes, to have her hand held, to walk together and chat together, and have the satisfaction of being in a relationship with a man who is truly her friend and shows his ability, willingness, and eagerness to put her good, her well being, her interests ahead of his own". Generally speaking she doesn't need sexual intimacy, and she won't "need it" until they are married and she is "ready to conceive life" and to nurture that life. For a fiancee and for a wife to be truly fulfilled in their relationship with their fiance, their husband, women need their man to demonstrate every day his ability, willingness, and eagerness to "master himself and all his impulses" and to "be there" for her.

We men do find our fulfillment and happiness in depth and in a lasting and fulfilling way only when we accept to take our responsibilities, to "master our impulses", to be "masters of our own house, that is, our own self", and when we learn and accept to put ourselves wholeheartedly at the service of those "we think we love, those we say we love, those we want to love". Any man not willing or interested to do that or dedicated to do that is not worthy of any woman, let alone the one he would life someday to marry. The man who cannot or will not master himself is like all the men worldwide throwing their societies into conflicts and wars, as if they not only don't care but don't even notice how they are plunging their own people, their women and children, into hardship. They see only the so-called values they want to push and are willing to declare war on anyone and everyone who stands in their way.

The man who is truly a man, on the other hand, is like Pope Francis, like a diplomat, like an ambassador, who entirely dedicates himself to the service of others, like Jesus himself, who came that we might have life and have it to the full. Read Jesus' words as recorded by the Apostle and Evangelist John in his Gospel, chapter 10, where he presents Jesus as the Good Shepherd.

So, my young friend, does this begin to answer your question?

If you email me, I will be very happy to respond to you, either of you, or better yet, both of you.

Peace to you and your families. God is with you; you can trust in Him. You can trust in Jesus, the Divine Mercy.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC
 

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Saturday, September 03, 2022

A simple guide for reading, pondering, and praying with the Word of God in the whole Bible


Dear Reader, if you are reading this, it may be because you are accepting the grace and God's invitation to come closer to Him by reading his inspired Word in the Bible, the Old Testament which is the Jewish Scriptures, and the New Testament, which is the writings of the Apostles whom Jesus commissioned to go out to all the world and proclaim the Good News.

I'm also glad that you are reading the Word of God in the whole Bible, but you need to remember a few things. You already know that reading the Word of God is not like picking up a book published a few years ago. The oldest parts of the Bible were written down in their earliest versions around 4,000 years ago in other languages - Hebrew, Aramaic - which was Jesus' dialect of Hebrew, and Greek, not modern Greek, but ancient Greek.

You may not have the opportunity or means of taking Scripture courses, although at some point later in life you may, but I can tell you a few things that you will find very helpful.

All of human history and all of Creation is in God's hands. He inspired various people to understand and tell things to others and eventually to write them down. The long term view of it all is that, after the "fall" or "rebellion" of the angels and then of Adam and Eve, the first human beings, God needed to find ways to "bring them back" to communion with Him. The big problem was that in preferring our own thoughts, or in believing the words of the "stranger" - the "serpent" - we turned our back on what God had said to us about what is real, what is good, and what is deadly.

The strict condemnation of the use of statues and images in the Torah related directly to other religions and the fertility cults of the nations and peoples surrounding God's Chosen People, which put them at risk of being affected and drawn in by the rituals and idol worship of their neighbors' religions and cults, such as the fertility cults... God made it clear that we are to worship only God and Him alone. That was and is the teaching of the Old Testament, the Jewish Scriptures. 

Jesus of Nazareth, Son of God and son of Mary, conceived in her by the Holy Spirit, is the Living Image of God the Father. Jesus said that if we have seen Him we have seen the Father. Jesus fulfilled the Old Testament prophecies and inaugurated the New Covenant and the Kingdom of God. Since then, we worship only Jesus and the Father and the Holy Spirit, the one God and Creator of all that is.

When we Christians make use of icons, statues, and other images of God the Holy Trinity, the Father, Jesus the Son of God, and the Holy Spirit, these material representations bring to mind and heart whom they represent, and our use of them helps us to remember that God is present always, and so they help us to pray and worship the Lord. We don't worship the images, but seeing them, we worship God whom they represent. We thank God for these aids to our faith, prayer, and worship. 

As for images and statues of the saints, again these help us to remember these heroes of the faith, and as we revere or show reverence before these images and statues, it is whom they represent that we honor - we don't worship them but God alone - and in honoring them, we also ask them to pray for us. 

So, the whole of the Old Testament is all about the trouble God had to take to gradually bring humanity back to himself, beginning with those who were open and willing to "hear" Him and obey Him: Noah, Abraham and his son Isaac and grandson Jacob, to whom God gave the nickname "Israel", which means, "he who is strong with God".

Inspired, told, written, edited and re-edited, and passed on over a period of at least 2,000 years, the Old Testament consists of the "Torah" or "Law", the first 5 books. Then follow the continuation of the history in what is called the "historical books": Joshua, Judges, Ruth, the prophet Samuel, the Kings, Chronicles, Ezra and Nehemiah, Tobit, Judith, Esther, and Maccabees.

Then there are the "religious" books or "wisdom" books: Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, Wisdom, and Sirach or Ecclesiasticus.

The final section of the O.T. is the prophets, divided into the "great" prophets: Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel, and then the 12 "minor" prophets. Basically, their "books" are much shorter than those of the other 3. The prophets all were called by God and sent to his people before, during and shortly after the "exile" when Israel, the "northern kingdom" and Juda, the "southern kingdom" were conquered and the leaders, the skilled laborers, and the rich people were enslaved and brought into exile in Babylon, which is today Iraq.

So, as you read, ponder, and pray with the Word of God, keep in mind the kind of book you're getting into - Torah, historical, wisdom, or prophetical - and keep in mind what God seems to be saying to his people AT THAT TIME. God kept insisting on the people avoiding "idols" because they were surrounded by people following "fertility cults" where the rituals often included getting drunk and having sexual orgies.

What bothered God the most was the way people were showing contempt for others, especially exploiting the poor. Those sins against charity brought God's most severe condemnations and punishments.

Now, in Jeremiah 31:31-34 God promised a "new covenant" and Jesus is the fulfillment of this promise. Under this new covenant, God could "change" his approach to his people who, after 2,000 years were beginning to be ready to hear what God really wanted to say to them and wanted to say to them all along, but they weren't ready or willing yet.

The N.T. is just that, what God has always wanted to say to his people, but before, they were so depraved that they couldn't or wouldn't hear it. Even in Jesus' time, only some people "got it" and accepted Him, but many still refused.

God has always been love, but authentic love requires a minimum of justice; otherwise, without justice, there can be no love, not really. The "Law" and the O.T. with the 10 commandments are simply the MINIMUM required for human beings to become truly human and avoid becoming perverse and no better than animals.

The N.T. goes much further, way beyond the minimum, to the point of forgiving everyone, loving even our enemies, and surrendering our whole life to God with absolute trust in Him for everything. Jesus lay down his life to show us what a truly loving human life looks like, a life putting all its trust in the Father and his love and mercy. Jesus offered his life in order to now make it possible for the Holy Spirit to bring about in us the authentic love that was in Jesus.

So, there you have a workable "framework" to guide you in reading the Word of God. I recommend that each time you reach for the Bible to read it, first ask the Holy Spirit, who is ever with you and within you, to enlighten you and guide you as you read. Then, when you are ready to stop, thank the Holy Spirit for being with you, guiding you, enlightening you, and ask Him to help you through the day to ponder, like Mary did, and "absorb" what you have read, and for the grace to "give God permission" to do all that He wants to do in your life, within you, and through you for others.

Peace to you and your family,

Fr. Gilles

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC
 

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Friday, May 06, 2022

Whirlwind Tour in Spirituality and the Beauty and Meaning of Everyday Life for Us Christians

Greetings Dear Friends,

Christ is risen, alleluia!


It's Spring! And Mothers' Day this weekend.... Happy Mothers' Day to our mothers, wherever they may be!

Could you use an uplift?

I invite you to take a brief "reading tour" of the Madonna House Apostolate, which may actually be for you a "spiritual renewal" and opportunity for you to be graced by God, the Most Holy Trinity. ENJOY!

https://www.madonnahouse.org/tour/

                                                   Pax + Caritas,       Fr. Gilles

    

                      Fr. Gilles A. Surprenant – Associate Priest of the Madonna House Apostolate


New website Start Page:     https://gillessurprenant.blogspot.com    Nouveau site web Point de départ


                                Poustinia - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday / lundi - mardi - mercredi


                     Residence: 1071 rue de la Cathédrale, Montréal   QC   H3B 2V4   CANADA

 

                      Residence:   514 864 5600 ext. 618       Mobile   514   823   7812

 

                         "Were not our hearts burning within us as He talked to us on the road

                                              and explained the Scriptures to us?"  Luke 24:32

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC
 

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Wednesday, April 20, 2022

How secular society "views" our efforts in the Roman Catholic Church of Montreal to implement "responsible pastoral ministry" and accountability in our Church's use of its "servant authority" - with attention to protecting, defending, and promoting the safety and rights of all members of the population - especially the most vulnerable.

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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The Roman Catholic Church of Montreal has been going to bold, innovative, and costly lengths in her efforts to implement "responsible pastoral ministry" and accountability in our diocesan Church's use of its "servant authority" - with the explicit intention of protecting, defending, and promoting the safety and the rights of all members of the population - and with particular attention to the most vulnerable, such as those who have suffered abuse. 

How our secular society "views" our efforts VS what that looks like in the "inside"

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The Press

Morgan Lowerie of The Canadian Press posted on April 19th, 2022 an article titled "Montreal Catholic church ombudswoman details delays, resistance to complaint process." At first view, the impression given is that the institution of the Roman Catholic Church in Montreal is "dragging its heels" in following through on its commitment to move away from "the way things were done" to doing things with greater responsibility, transparency, accountability, and especially with commitment to take the point of view of vulnerable people, especially those who have suffered any form of abuse.

Perhaps it is inevitable that anyone standing "outside" the local Church would see the situation that way, which is precisely the stance of the Ombudswoman herself, Me. Marie Christine Kirouack, Ad.E.. One of the reasons she was chosen for the role of Ombudswoman for the Diocese of Montreal was precisely because she is not a R. C. Christian, and therefore, not part of the R. C. Church of Montreal. She is completely independent and, it is therefore believed, completely impartial. 

The models of responsibility and accountability from society's governments

However, from the point of view those on the "inside" of the local R. C. Church, this can at times seem to be a great disadvantage. Our society generally has several "measuring sticks" for honesty, transparency, accountability, responsibility, and many other "values" held by consensus in our society to be important. Such values are important in government in order for the said government to be seen as, and actually to be, true to the population, to whom any government is accountable. Members of the general population, in particular citizens, manifest their satisfaction or lack of it at election time. However, all those who work in public service are directly accountable normally only to their superiors, but only indirectly to the public through people's communications with them.

The models of responsibility and accountability from business, commerce, science, & technology

In business and commerce, as well as in science and technology, the individuals and organizations which "carry on the activity" are equally accountable to those who own said enterprises, which includes shareholders, but also the employees, without whom there would be no activity. These enterprises are more sensitive to the satisfaction of the general population, which manifests itself through success in the quantity and value of total transactions in the course of the business year and its quarters.

The models of responsibility and accountability from educational institutions

In educational institutions as well, the activity carried on in elementary and high schools, colleges, universities, and technical schools also have the means of ensuring that those who carry on the activity do so in a manner sensitive to the expectations of those to whom they offer their services, that is, the student population, which can vary considerably from one year to the next. 

The R. C. Church is not at all like government, or business, or commerce, or science, or technology, or even educational institutions

Unlike all of these other realms of society, the "point of contact" between those who carry on the principal activity for which the institution or agency exists, at the "providing or giving end" on the one hand, and all those at the "benefitting or receiving end" on the other hand, that "point of contact" is comparatively minimal or small or even practically non-existent.

Government services and all the apparatus of its bureaucracy - with its thousands of public servants and employees - are "at work" the standard number of hours every week of the year, with possible exception for reduced hours during summer vacations and statutory holidays. There are constant and unceasing "contacts" between government agencies and "the population" all year round.

The same can be said for businesses, commerces, scientific institutions, technological enterprises, and all manner of educational institutions. These all have "business or school hours" and other times during which contact with the public is made possible. 

What all these institutions have in common is their ability to implement policies with immediacy and clarity by passing them down the "chain of command" or "channels of communication". They have the liberty and the means to implement "ongoing formation" of employees through statutory formation days by means of the funds generated by their principal activities. 

All of society's institutions and organizations are put together in such a way as to entrust specific functions to specific individuals, such that each worker's "duties" are fairly clearly defined and more often than not restricted to a fairly narrow "corridor" of focus of activity. That makes it fairly easy for these workers to implement policies sent "down from above". These institutions also generally have the means to ensure "quality control" by the appointment of supervisory personnel for this purpose.

The R. C. Church is very different from all of these

There was a time, when society was still considered a manifestation of "Christendom", that is, a society principally organized on the principle tenets of the Gospels. The Church's "authority" was generally acknowledged and accepted by the general population, and those who dissented were generally deemed to be in various states of "rebellion" or "heresy" of "disobedience", for each of which states there were very specific "sanctions" or "punishments" or "consequences". 

Principally since WW II, the "faithful", that is the "baptized", have questioned and even "walked away" from that authority, and some have even "walked away from God", or at least the "version of God" as presented to them in the R. C. Church. This phenomenon of "walking away" is currently being painfully felt by local businesses who observe their sales volumes shrinking to the benefit of Amazon and other online enterprises. 

However, the key difference between the R. C. Church and the rest of our society's institutions is that the "point of contact" between those providing the services in the Church - the clergy and those assisting them, both employees and volunteers - is comparatively minimal. Those who go to Church on Sunday - in Québec deemed to be around 2% of the baptized - are not there every Sunday. Even when they are there, it is only one hour or less a week. The vast majority of the "clientele" or "membership" have no contact at all with those providing the service except occasionally for baptisms, the other three sacraments of initiation, weddings, and funerals; as well as occasionally for the Anointing of the Sick.

So, from the point of view of the clientele or membership, the Church has very little contact with them or means of implementing any policies. This can only be done when people make contact for services or when we manage to reach out to them through social and other media. From the point of view of the workers and their supervisors, the sheer magnitude of the challenge of a severely aging workforce while maintaining services and infrastructure, such as buildings, is so great as to be practically unmanageable, let alone finding time and energy to impart, offer formation for, and actually implement fundamental changes in policy and practice, and for several reasons.

First, the clergy are aging and working well beyond the age of retirement and even working in sickness and disability; moreover, they are almost entirely not being replaced by younger recruits.

Secondly, the attendance rate is so low, that most churches are unable to sustain their very existence, let alone any projects for improvement or expansion. It is the minority of parish churches that have enough people attending, and enough representation from younger generations and families, that they are able to generate such projects. 

Thirdly, the rate of contribution of the members is ridiculously low. There is a  gap of logic which seems insurmountable between social secular standards in spending and contribution standards within the Church. Most of us go out occasionally to a restaurant. We generally think nothing of giving the 15% tip and those hand held invoice machines even show a choice of 18% now for the tip. This would amount to anywhere from $4 to $20 or more, depending on how many meals we pay for. We don't hesitate to pay such tips but when in Church, for most people their offering hasn't changed from the $2 they thought was generous enough decades ago. 

Rare are those who make weekly offerings of $20 to $100. As a result, most parishes cannot even afford the salary of their priest, let alone maintenance and repairs. Most of our churches are so run down they would require millions of dollars of work in order to avoid being condemned by the public health and security authorities in the next few years. 

Fourthly, the shrinking financial viability of the parishes has also caused the "well to run dry" for the Diocese's Curia and its central governing services. In the 1950's parishes contributed 3% of all their receipts to the Diocese, but parishes at that time were seeing from 5,000 to 15,000 people every Sunday, including children, youth, and the aged. At Sunday attendance began to drop in the 1970's that 3% "diocesan contribution" was gradually increased to 5%, then to 7%, and finally to 9% in the 1990's. That final measure was almost useless due to the degree to erosion of Sunday attendance. 

Fifthly, what this means for the Diocesan Curia is that it no longer has the means to employ all the people it would need in order to adequately serve all the parishes, movements, families, and individual members of the Diocese of Montreal. The personnel it does have are overloaded with duties required of them by the development of all the activity generated by the Church's expansion after WW II when the number of parishes more than doubled. Over the same period, the number of clergy has shrunk and most of these are now aged beyond retirement and health. 

Not only that, but it is often a challenge for the personnel that we do have, both aging clergy and laity, to take their weekly day of rest (day off) and annual vacation and annual retreat. Some even find it difficult to take sick days and feel obliged to go on working even while sick or disabled or in varying degrees of convalescence. If women were priests, they would be unable to take maternity leave. 

For the size of operation of our Diocese, our Human Resources department should have a staff of at least 4 or 5 people, but we had only one person for three years and only recently hired a second. Our Office for Pastoral Personnel has a few more people but even they are unable to keep up with the sheer magnitude of the challenges arising from hundreds of priests, deacons, and thousands of lay workers, both employed and volunteer. 

Sixthly, all of these conditions make it practically impossible for the Diocese to implement with any efficiency and speed the reforms to which it has committed itself. Valiant efforts are being made, and in particular cases, specific attention is being applied to effectively implement many of the reforms made manifest in the Capriolo Report. However, overall, it will take considerable time for all the personnel in all the departments and in all of the parishes to also integrate all of these principles.

Seventhly, we must keep in mind that the "culture" and "ways of doing" and "mindsets" of the Diocesan Curia took many decades to develop over the past century. It will take at least a full generation, so we're looking at a comple of decades, for the new "culture" and "ways of doing" and "mindsets" of the "new paradigm" to be fully integrated and implemented. It took a century for the reforms of the Council of Trent to be more or less fully implemented, and the reforms of the Second Vatican Council have yet to be "fully implemented" throughout the whole Roman Catholic Church worldwide.

Conclusion: If the Roman Catholic Church has not only survived but prospered for two millennia, it is because it follows and observes a timeline that is eminently "human" and which respects the frailties and possibilities of our human nature. In the secular world, governments fall, businesses fail, and all manner of agencies cease to exist. For such reasons, they feel obliged to function on the basis of quarterly reports, even when doing so causes them to lose sight of inevitable developments on the horizon immediately ahead of them. 

So, dear Reader, that is why the Press will continue to suspect that our Church is not progressing "fast enough" with these reforms, which is to be expected from anyone who knows nothing of the way the Church actually is "on the inside". For those of us who are on the inside, we can barely manage to keep up with the regular duties from our call to serve the people of God, both those who are "regulars" and those who merely expect the Church to "be there" when they want or have need of it or when it just happens to be convenient for them - let alone take care of infrastructures - while we continue to age and not be replaced by younger recruits. 

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Previous posts of interest: It is enlightening and even amazing to see how the Lord our God has been constantly preparing us over time for the trials, troubles, and tribulations awaiting us in the future. Browse the following list of links to posts since this time six years ago in 2016 and see how the key issues of life, both individually and collectively, are brought to our attention when we most need them.



Marriage or celibacy? What is better, healthier, more likely to lead to happiness: a life with sex or a life without sex? What about contentment versus loneliness? Does human life have a universal purpose and meaning? - November 26th, 2021 






DAY 148 of the COVID-19 WORLDWIDE PANDEMIC in 2020 - "Do not be afraid!"- Reflection on the "Law of the Gift". August 4th, 2020

It may be legal, but it remains offensive - the Québec / Newfoundland and Labrador hydro electric agreement and long term contract - July 21st, 2020

Abortion is a failure of manhood more than a woman's choice - Solemnity of the Birth of John the Baptist - June 24th, 2020






God's plan to bring us into abundance of life - By mere coincidence, today happens to be the Eve of the Feast of the Conversion of Saint Paul, the day the Lord Jesus Christ met him on the road to Damascus - January 24th, 2020








Hope through resistance in the midst of troubled times - Could Venezuela's "social meltdown" happen to us? - July 25th, 2019

Abortion - how has it come to this? - The way it once was and the way it is now. - June 4th, 2019

Value of life - harm of abortion - what to do? - There are different views: society's changing views, "humanistic" views, various religious views, Christian views, and oh yes, what might be God's view? the view of our Creator? - May 25th, 2019

Christians, like Jesus Christ, have always been hated - See the "Letter to Diognetus" from the 2nd century A.D. - May 23rd, 2019

Madonna House Apostolate - from a visit there - April 10th, 2019

Homophobia Schmobophobia - A lot has been happening, has it not? March 2nd, 2019






On a Mission... Together! - October 9th, 2018






Why does God allow us to be tried, tested, and made to suffer? - See Saint Ignatius of Loyola's teaching on the "Discernment of Spirits" from his "Spiritual Exercises" - May 30th, 2018







Who will defend the innocence of our children? What about women, men, and the elderly in their dignity? The gift of human sexuality? - August 24th, 2017

“Please, talk to me about love, Mommy, Daddy.” Children can best receive formation in their affections and human sexuality from their parents. - April 24th, 2017 

The suicide of a loved one provokes an upheaval in the survivors. What happens when we die? What comes next? What can we do about death before it happens to us? - April 8th, 2017

When a loved one dies, our loss plunges us into deep grief. We need God's help to continue caring for ourselves and for others. - March 24th, 2017

Controversy and confusion over Pope Francis & "Amoris Laetitia" Part 2 - In more personal settings and situations we need to show more compassion, wisdom, understanding, and counsel. - February 20th, 2017

Controversy and confusion over Pope Francis & "Amoris Laetitia" Part 1 - Many are uncomfortable with God's mercy and prefer to "lay down the law". - February 18th, 2017

There are more affluent people than ever in human history; yet why are they / we so miserable? The original sin as rebellious selfish will still pulls at us. - February 6th, 2017

How do we discern God's calling in our daily lives? Q & A - Wanting to "be special" versus giving meaning and purpose to our lives. - February 4th, 2017


Pope Francis vs critics = mercy vs legalism - People have trouble holding to both the truth and mercy as God has always done towards us. - January 18th, 2017






Admirable fidelity to Jesus Christ in the face of death and the onslaught of the conquering armies of Islam - The converging and intertwining histories of Christianity and Islam - April 5th, 2016


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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC
 

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