How secular society "views" our efforts in the Roman Catholic Church of Montreal to implement "responsible pastoral ministry" and accountability in our Church's use of its "servant authority" - with attention to protecting, defending, and promoting the safety and rights of all members of the population - especially the most vulnerable.

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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The Roman Catholic Church of Montreal has been going to bold, innovative, and costly lengths in her efforts to implement "responsible pastoral ministry" and accountability in our diocesan Church's use of its "servant authority" - with the explicit intention of protecting, defending, and promoting the safety and the rights of all members of the population - and with particular attention to the most vulnerable, such as those who have suffered abuse. 

How our secular society "views" our efforts VS what that looks like in the "inside"

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The Press

Morgan Lowerie of The Canadian Press posted on April 19th, 2022 an article titled "Montreal Catholic church ombudswoman details delays, resistance to complaint process." At first view, the impression given is that the institution of the Roman Catholic Church in Montreal is "dragging its heels" in following through on its commitment to move away from "the way things were done" to doing things with greater responsibility, transparency, accountability, and especially with commitment to take the point of view of vulnerable people, especially those who have suffered any form of abuse.

Perhaps it is inevitable that anyone standing "outside" the local Church would see the situation that way, which is precisely the stance of the Ombudswoman herself, Me. Marie Christine Kirouack, Ad.E.. One of the reasons she was chosen for the role of Ombudswoman for the Diocese of Montreal was precisely because she is not a R. C. Christian, and therefore, not part of the R. C. Church of Montreal. She is completely independent and, it is therefore believed, completely impartial. 

The models of responsibility and accountability from society's governments

However, from the point of view those on the "inside" of the local R. C. Church, this can at times seem to be a great disadvantage. Our society generally has several "measuring sticks" for honesty, transparency, accountability, responsibility, and many other "values" held by consensus in our society to be important. Such values are important in government in order for the said government to be seen as, and actually to be, true to the population, to whom any government is accountable. Members of the general population, in particular citizens, manifest their satisfaction or lack of it at election time. However, all those who work in public service are directly accountable normally only to their superiors, but only indirectly to the public through people's communications with them.

The models of responsibility and accountability from business, commerce, science, & technology

In business and commerce, as well as in science and technology, the individuals and organizations which "carry on the activity" are equally accountable to those who own said enterprises, which includes shareholders, but also the employees, without whom there would be no activity. These enterprises are more sensitive to the satisfaction of the general population, which manifests itself through success in the quantity and value of total transactions in the course of the business year and its quarters.

The models of responsibility and accountability from educational institutions

In educational institutions as well, the activity carried on in elementary and high schools, colleges, universities, and technical schools also have the means of ensuring that those who carry on the activity do so in a manner sensitive to the expectations of those to whom they offer their services, that is, the student population, which can vary considerably from one year to the next. 

The R. C. Church is not at all like government, or business, or commerce, or science, or technology, or even educational institutions

Unlike all of these other realms of society, the "point of contact" between those who carry on the principal activity for which the institution or agency exists, at the "providing or giving end" on the one hand, and all those at the "benefitting or receiving end" on the other hand, that "point of contact" is comparatively minimal or small or even practically non-existent.

Government services and all the apparatus of its bureaucracy - with its thousands of public servants and employees - are "at work" the standard number of hours every week of the year, with possible exception for reduced hours during summer vacations and statutory holidays. There are constant and unceasing "contacts" between government agencies and "the population" all year round.

The same can be said for businesses, commerces, scientific institutions, technological enterprises, and all manner of educational institutions. These all have "business or school hours" and other times during which contact with the public is made possible. 

What all these institutions have in common is their ability to implement policies with immediacy and clarity by passing them down the "chain of command" or "channels of communication". They have the liberty and the means to implement "ongoing formation" of employees through statutory formation days by means of the funds generated by their principal activities. 

All of society's institutions and organizations are put together in such a way as to entrust specific functions to specific individuals, such that each worker's "duties" are fairly clearly defined and more often than not restricted to a fairly narrow "corridor" of focus of activity. That makes it fairly easy for these workers to implement policies sent "down from above". These institutions also generally have the means to ensure "quality control" by the appointment of supervisory personnel for this purpose.

The R. C. Church is very different from all of these

There was a time, when society was still considered a manifestation of "Christendom", that is, a society principally organized on the principle tenets of the Gospels. The Church's "authority" was generally acknowledged and accepted by the general population, and those who dissented were generally deemed to be in various states of "rebellion" or "heresy" of "disobedience", for each of which states there were very specific "sanctions" or "punishments" or "consequences". 

Principally since WW II, the "faithful", that is the "baptized", have questioned and even "walked away" from that authority, and some have even "walked away from God", or at least the "version of God" as presented to them in the R. C. Church. This phenomenon of "walking away" is currently being painfully felt by local businesses who observe their sales volumes shrinking to the benefit of Amazon and other online enterprises. 

However, the key difference between the R. C. Church and the rest of our society's institutions is that the "point of contact" between those providing the services in the Church - the clergy and those assisting them, both employees and volunteers - is comparatively minimal. Those who go to Church on Sunday - in Québec deemed to be around 2% of the baptized - are not there every Sunday. Even when they are there, it is only one hour or less a week. The vast majority of the "clientele" or "membership" have no contact at all with those providing the service except occasionally for baptisms, the other three sacraments of initiation, weddings, and funerals; as well as occasionally for the Anointing of the Sick.

So, from the point of view of the clientele or membership, the Church has very little contact with them or means of implementing any policies. This can only be done when people make contact for services or when we manage to reach out to them through social and other media. From the point of view of the workers and their supervisors, the sheer magnitude of the challenge of a severely aging workforce while maintaining services and infrastructure, such as buildings, is so great as to be practically unmanageable, let alone finding time and energy to impart, offer formation for, and actually implement fundamental changes in policy and practice, and for several reasons.

First, the clergy are aging and working well beyond the age of retirement and even working in sickness and disability; moreover, they are almost entirely not being replaced by younger recruits.

Secondly, the attendance rate is so low, that most churches are unable to sustain their very existence, let alone any projects for improvement or expansion. It is the minority of parish churches that have enough people attending, and enough representation from younger generations and families, that they are able to generate such projects. 

Thirdly, the rate of contribution of the members is ridiculously low. There is a  gap of logic which seems insurmountable between social secular standards in spending and contribution standards within the Church. Most of us go out occasionally to a restaurant. We generally think nothing of giving the 15% tip and those hand held invoice machines even show a choice of 18% now for the tip. This would amount to anywhere from $4 to $20 or more, depending on how many meals we pay for. We don't hesitate to pay such tips but when in Church, for most people their offering hasn't changed from the $2 they thought was generous enough decades ago. 

Rare are those who make weekly offerings of $20 to $100. As a result, most parishes cannot even afford the salary of their priest, let alone maintenance and repairs. Most of our churches are so run down they would require millions of dollars of work in order to avoid being condemned by the public health and security authorities in the next few years. 

Fourthly, the shrinking financial viability of the parishes has also caused the "well to run dry" for the Diocese's Curia and its central governing services. In the 1950's parishes contributed 3% of all their receipts to the Diocese, but parishes at that time were seeing from 5,000 to 15,000 people every Sunday, including children, youth, and the aged. At Sunday attendance began to drop in the 1970's that 3% "diocesan contribution" was gradually increased to 5%, then to 7%, and finally to 9% in the 1990's. That final measure was almost useless due to the degree to erosion of Sunday attendance. 

Fifthly, what this means for the Diocesan Curia is that it no longer has the means to employ all the people it would need in order to adequately serve all the parishes, movements, families, and individual members of the Diocese of Montreal. The personnel it does have are overloaded with duties required of them by the development of all the activity generated by the Church's expansion after WW II when the number of parishes more than doubled. Over the same period, the number of clergy has shrunk and most of these are now aged beyond retirement and health. 

Not only that, but it is often a challenge for the personnel that we do have, both aging clergy and laity, to take their weekly day of rest (day off) and annual vacation and annual retreat. Some even find it difficult to take sick days and feel obliged to go on working even while sick or disabled or in varying degrees of convalescence. If women were priests, they would be unable to take maternity leave. 

For the size of operation of our Diocese, our Human Resources department should have a staff of at least 4 or 5 people, but we had only one person for three years and only recently hired a second. Our Office for Pastoral Personnel has a few more people but even they are unable to keep up with the sheer magnitude of the challenges arising from hundreds of priests, deacons, and thousands of lay workers, both employed and volunteer. 

Sixthly, all of these conditions make it practically impossible for the Diocese to implement with any efficiency and speed the reforms to which it has committed itself. Valiant efforts are being made, and in particular cases, specific attention is being applied to effectively implement many of the reforms made manifest in the Capriolo Report. However, overall, it will take considerable time for all the personnel in all the departments and in all of the parishes to also integrate all of these principles.

Seventhly, we must keep in mind that the "culture" and "ways of doing" and "mindsets" of the Diocesan Curia took many decades to develop over the past century. It will take at least a full generation, so we're looking at a comple of decades, for the new "culture" and "ways of doing" and "mindsets" of the "new paradigm" to be fully integrated and implemented. It took a century for the reforms of the Council of Trent to be more or less fully implemented, and the reforms of the Second Vatican Council have yet to be "fully implemented" throughout the whole Roman Catholic Church worldwide.

Conclusion: If the Roman Catholic Church has not only survived but prospered for two millennia, it is because it follows and observes a timeline that is eminently "human" and which respects the frailties and possibilities of our human nature. In the secular world, governments fall, businesses fail, and all manner of agencies cease to exist. For such reasons, they feel obliged to function on the basis of quarterly reports, even when doing so causes them to lose sight of inevitable developments on the horizon immediately ahead of them. 

So, dear Reader, that is why the Press will continue to suspect that our Church is not progressing "fast enough" with these reforms, which is to be expected from anyone who knows nothing of the way the Church actually is "on the inside". For those of us who are on the inside, we can barely manage to keep up with the regular duties from our call to serve the people of God, both those who are "regulars" and those who merely expect the Church to "be there" when they want or have need of it or when it just happens to be convenient for them - let alone take care of infrastructures - while we continue to age and not be replaced by younger recruits. 

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Previous posts of interest: It is enlightening and even amazing to see how the Lord our God has been constantly preparing us over time for the trials, troubles, and tribulations awaiting us in the future. Browse the following list of links to posts since this time six years ago in 2016 and see how the key issues of life, both individually and collectively, are brought to our attention when we most need them.

Everywhere we turn, we see the human condition in all of its poverty, struggle, anguish, and dissatisfaction; with life and love just out of reach.... March 30th, 2022

Ukraine - Russia - Europe - NATO - U.S.A. - February 28th, 2022

Note to U.N. regarding U.N., N.A.T.O., the U.S.A., Russia, & Ukraine - February 25th, 2022

Marriage or celibacy? What is better, healthier, more likely to lead to happiness: a life with sex or a life without sex? What about contentment versus loneliness? Does human life have a universal purpose and meaning? - November 26th, 2021 

Mercy or “The Law” – God or Man? - August 18th, 2021 

Let us choose life and every Sunday worship God with gratitude for all He does for us - and avoid scandalizing little ones which is what we do when we stay home. - May 23rd, 2021

Pope Francis - What on Earth is he doing? - May 12th, 2021 

Response of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith to a doubt regarding the blessing of the unions of persons of the same sex. - March 15th, 2021 

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the LORD IS WITH THEE..." - March 11th, 2021

A Catholic wants to come back to the Church... Where do you begin? - January 21st, 2021

Entertainment and the related industry vs art that is true and meaningful as well as beautiful and good. - January 8th, 2021

Human sexuality - gift of God which, used otherwise skews our vision, but used in accord with His plan, calibrates our vision to blessedness. - January 2nd, 2021

Even children are impelled by the Holy Spirit to go out with Jesus as missionary disciples. November 21st, 2020

The Pharisees, Sadducees, Scribes, and Lawyers are at it again, only this time, instead of going after Jesus it's Pope Francis! - October 22nd, 2020 

The Covid-19 Pandemic - an excuse to strangle the practice of religion? September 21st, 2020

How can high level bankers and financiers hold their heads high in public? - September 9th, 2020

DAY 148 of the COVID-19 WORLDWIDE PANDEMIC in 2020 - "Do not be afraid!"- Reflection on the "Law of the Gift". August 4th, 2020

It may be legal, but it remains offensive - the Québec / Newfoundland and Labrador hydro electric agreement and long term contract - July 21st, 2020

Abortion is a failure of manhood more than a woman's choice - Solemnity of the Birth of John the Baptist - June 24th, 2020

Compare Covid-19 to all other deaths worldwide - Day 72 - May 20th, 2020

Communing with God in our everyday life - April 16th, 2020 

A Catholic view of life and death inside a worldwide pandemic - April 4th, 2020

The pain of not being able to find a priest - February 15th, 2020

The wonder of our vital human strengths - January 28th, 2020

God's plan to bring us into abundance of life - By mere coincidence, today happens to be the Eve of the Feast of the Conversion of Saint Paul, the day the Lord Jesus Christ met him on the road to Damascus - January 24th, 2020

The Boeing 737 Max controversy - What about the common good? - January 13th, 2020

A family activity: Reading Pope Francis' Letter "On the Meaning and Importance of the Nativity Scene" - December 15th, 2019

Is the Pope a heretic, or are we Pharisees, Sadducees, Chief Priests, Scribes, or Lawyers? - November 25th, 2019

Green for our environment but toxic for human life? - October 19th, 2019

Canadian Federal Election Guide for Roman Catholics and Other People of Good Will - September 22nd, 2019

Why are some of our beautiful youth killing themselves or turning violent? We can do a lot! - September 10th, 2019

Capitalism - to suck us dry or to build us up - it's our choice - July 31st, 2019

Hope through resistance in the midst of troubled times - Could Venezuela's "social meltdown" happen to us? - July 25th, 2019

Abortion - how has it come to this? - The way it once was and the way it is now. - June 4th, 2019

Value of life - harm of abortion - what to do? - There are different views: society's changing views, "humanistic" views, various religious views, Christian views, and oh yes, what might be God's view? the view of our Creator? - May 25th, 2019

Christians, like Jesus Christ, have always been hated - See the "Letter to Diognetus" from the 2nd century A.D. - May 23rd, 2019

Madonna House Apostolate - from a visit there - April 10th, 2019

Homophobia Schmobophobia - A lot has been happening, has it not? March 2nd, 2019

Baptism by water and the Holy Spirit - what difference it makes - February 18th, 2019

A girl (boy) wants to be a boy (girl) - What do you say? - January 13th, 2019

Why does losing a loved one hurt so much? - November 5th, 2018

Evil, pain, suffering - how can these be God's will for us? - October 24th, 2018

We are never far from God... in fact... - October 17th, 2018

On a Mission... Together! - October 9th, 2018

"The gates of hell shall not prevail against it (my Church)" said Jesus to Peter - August 17th, 2018

To tattoo or not... I feel incomplete.... - August 5th, 2018

Anthony Bourdain suicide - What? But why? - July 17th, 2018

Not every human relation or attraction need be sexual - June 23rd, 2018

Elderly parents - impatience or loving interest? - June 12th, 2018

Why does God allow us to be tried, tested, and made to suffer? - See Saint Ignatius of Loyola's teaching on the "Discernment of Spirits" from his "Spiritual Exercises" - May 30th, 2018

How easily we misunderstand one another as well as life situations - April 27th, 2018

Authority and Service in the Roman Catholic Church - March 13th, 2018

What about Marriage of a Roman Catholic with a Muslim? - February 7th, 2018

Fathers - You are vital; Males - Be Men before God! - January 30th, 2018

Where Love Is, God Is. - On the 1st World Day of the Poor a poor man became a blessing to all who met him in the church. - A World Day of the Poor Story - December 10th, 2017 

Understanding and discernment as well as LOVE versus LAW - Understanding, moral development, discernment, and the "Law of Love" - coming to understand the "ways of the Lord" - November 3rd, 2017 

Who will defend the innocence of our children? What about women, men, and the elderly in their dignity? The gift of human sexuality? - August 24th, 2017

“Please, talk to me about love, Mommy, Daddy.” Children can best receive formation in their affections and human sexuality from their parents. - April 24th, 2017 

The suicide of a loved one provokes an upheaval in the survivors. What happens when we die? What comes next? What can we do about death before it happens to us? - April 8th, 2017

When a loved one dies, our loss plunges us into deep grief. We need God's help to continue caring for ourselves and for others. - March 24th, 2017

Controversy and confusion over Pope Francis & "Amoris Laetitia" Part 2 - In more personal settings and situations we need to show more compassion, wisdom, understanding, and counsel. - February 20th, 2017

Controversy and confusion over Pope Francis & "Amoris Laetitia" Part 1 - Many are uncomfortable with God's mercy and prefer to "lay down the law". - February 18th, 2017

There are more affluent people than ever in human history; yet why are they / we so miserable? The original sin as rebellious selfish will still pulls at us. - February 6th, 2017

How do we discern God's calling in our daily lives? Q & A - Wanting to "be special" versus giving meaning and purpose to our lives. - February 4th, 2017

Eroticization and the unique developmental process of human persons - part 2 with conclusion - January 18th, 2017

Pope Francis vs critics = mercy vs legalism - People have trouble holding to both the truth and mercy as God has always done towards us. - January 18th, 2017

Why do people destroy plants, torture animals, or hurt other people? - November 27th, 2016

Eroticization and the unique developmental process of human persons - part 2 continuation - September 9th, 2016

When did the U.S.A. become the U.S.S.R.? - August 31st, 2016

Eroticization and the unique developmental process of human persons - part 1 - May 20th, 2016

Fatima, the Church, and the World – Standing Together Before God - April 22nd, 2016

Admirable fidelity to Jesus Christ in the face of death and the onslaught of the conquering armies of Islam - The converging and intertwining histories of Christianity and Islam - April 5th, 2016

We should not stay away from our assembly as is the custom of some, but encourage one another - March 14th, 2016

Older posts..... 

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Everywhere we turn, we see the human condition in all of its poverty, struggle, anguish, and dissatisfaction; with life and love just out of reach....

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

----------------------------------------------------------------

What the heck is going on, anyway?

Everywhere we look in our world, in our life - in the dynamics among nations, in the political arena, in the drama lived out in marriages and families, in churches and faith communities, in our own lives - everywhere human beings are to be found; we see situations and experiences that describe endless permutations of the human condition after the original sin. In Genesis chapter 3 is related the temptation and the fall of Eve and Adam. There we find related that moment when God described to the man and the woman the results, the consequences of their sin, their rebellion, their decision to stop trusting in God. When you hammer a nail, it goes into the wood. When you pour water on a thing, it becomes wet. When you drop a crystal glass on a marble floor, it shatters into pieces. The human condition is very much like what we all experience of trouble and dissatisfaction. Here is what Genesis 3 relates.

The man would lose the life of ease he had until then known in the garden provided by God his Creator. From now on, in order to live, he would have to obtain his food by the sweat of his brow. He would have to make constant efforts to cultivate the earth, but it would resist him and produce thorns and thistles instead of the good fruits of the earth. In contemporary terms, man tries to do his work, but the work constantly resists him and demands more of him, depleting him until there is nothing left of him; no energy, no time, no life, no spouse, no family, nothing... but only death. It is a slavery that, unlike the chains of the past, is cleverly devised to get the man to voluntarily go into slavery by his own choice. This is the contemporary situation in most of the Earth, where there is no longer the slavery in chains, which still exists in other parts of the world.

The woman, perhaps because her entire design centres around her capacity to conceive and nurture life, she is closer to her body than is the man. Also, she is more acutely sensitive to all that pertains to relations with others; also a feature of her capacity to give and nurture life. She is more aware of and more sensitive to her own self as well as to others in what and how they are. Now, Eve also decided to stop trusting in God; so, for her the consequences were inevitably going to be that her natural desire for her husband would become exaggerated, causing her to "cling" to him. However, he would perceive this and react, in a kind of survival reflex, by dominating her, to protect himself from this clinging, or "nagging". In addition, her distrust in God would also alienate her from her own self, her own body; such that her labour pains would become intensified.

We human beings have a specific design with "room for God" inside

Our human condition now, due to the original sin which becomes actualized in us the moment we are conceived in our mother's womb, is basically alienation from God and insecurity. Human knowledge and efforts can never resolve completely or perfectly this human condition. The man is never satisfied with his work, with the world as he finds it, and the woman is never satisfied with her husband and her life as she finds it. It is a vicious circle out of which there is no escape, but only one solution. That solution is to restore the lost trust in God, our Creator. This is why Jesus Christ called people to follow Him and learn from Him certain disciplines enabling them to accept to live differently, to live the new life He offers those who accept Him and believe in Him. 

These Christian disciplines are merely the ways we need in order to take back into our own hands responsibility for our own life, for cultivating our own life, and for reconnecting ourselves with trust in God our Creator; who is ever present, ever offering to pour into us the "divine vitality" which is designed and intended to be the "breath" and "blood" of our life.

Yes, we need to be loved, but first and foremost, by God our Creator, and at every moment of the day and of the night; constantly. To turn aside and expect to be loved by anyone else can only end in failure, because all human beings are contingent, imperfect, and incapable of fulfilling our infinite capacity and need for life and love. Disconnected from God, we are like a beautiful chandelier without electricity. Only God, the Most Holy Trinity, is worthy of our trust, because God is our origin and our eternal destiny. We have been designed to receive into ourselves the indwelling Presence of the Most Holy Trinity, without whom we remain empty and cold.

Who or what is God?

God is already complete and has always been complete and sufficient from all eternity. There was never any need for growth or testing in God. Jesus of Nazareth, a Jew of Galilee in Palestine two millennia ago, revealed that God is a trinity, a community and communion of divine Persons. From all eternity the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have been a completely fulfilled and vital community of love. They are love; they don't have or give love, they ARE LOVE. We, on the other hand, are contingent beings. We begin as nothing and slowly grow and develop. We need to be constantly tested in order for the tests to shake us from the impulse to relax our efforts and try to be "just carried" by someone else, like the baby we once were.

Living a human life is work, requires deliverate effort freely made

Only by our constant efforts to live, to strive, to create, to give, and to love are we able to take responsibility for our life and live it more fully. The only effective "fuel" for these constant efforts to live and love is the divine life and vitality of love which is God. God is our fuel, our food, our life, our love. No one else. To expect any other human being to love us, give us life, fulfill us, make us happy, is both unfair and impossible. No one can possibly ever meet our unlimited need and infinite capacity for life and love; no one except God. To expect this of any human being is to do them violence.

Eve is no more to blame than Adam

Why did the tempter approach Eve and not Adam? We think it was because Adam heard directly from God not to touch the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" or he would die. Eve had not yet been created. Adam later told Eve about this, but she did not hear it from God himself. The tempter considered her position a little weaker because of this; so, he probed that weakness.

Why did the woman and the man both find it attractive to seek out the "knowledge of both good and evil"? It can only be because they thought they were missing something, that they thought they were not entirely lovable in God's eyes; that they needed to do something to become more lovable, more acceptable to God. It was and still is a lie. God already loves us perfectly because God can only love perfectly; the Holy Trinity, the 3 divine Persons ARE love. The ocean doesn't have wet, it is wet. (From the film "Nikki and the Perfect Stranger". I will send you links to these wonderful films which explore what it would be like to have a visit here and now with Jesus.) God doesn't have love, God is love.

To focus on myself or on others? That is the question. 

When I focus on myself, how I feel, what I have and don't have; I remain isolated within myself. When I turn my focus away from myself to the other, I can see who and what the other is, what he is trying to do, what are her fears, hopes, struggles, aspirations, weaknesses, and strengths. If I study the other, I can discover in what ways the other needs to be loved; then, I can apply myself to love him or her in this way, putting myself at the service of the other out of love, pouring my vitality out in a flow of love. 

Love cannot be kept; it can only be given

Love's satisfaction is in the very act of love, of giving itself, of pouring itself out. Trying to get love, to have love, to hold onto love is like trying to hold water with a sieve. It's impossible. The only way to be full of love and never run out of love is to love, to give love away. That is impossible unless I am constantly connected to the River of Love, which is God.

You already know that as a mother or father, knowing how obviously dependent and helpless your child is from the moment of conception and birth. That poverty pulls love and caring out of you, and you find great satisfaction and pleasure loving your child; even to the point of exhaustion. Slowly, the child is developing a capacity to emerge as an individual, independent, and enterprising. This process will take at least 18 years or more before their autonomy is sufficient for them to go out on their own. The challenge then is to trust them and let them go as the new way to love them.

The human person is constantly changing; relationships never quite "catch up"

Along the way your manner of relating them is constantly changing, because they are constantly changing, and you never seem to quite catch up to the "new them", because the one you think they are today is actually the one you thought they were yesterday or last week or last month or last year. Today, they are quite different yet again... fetus, baby, toddler, little child, child, older child, pre-teen, pubescent child, young teen, older teen, transitional adult, young adult, adult, midlife adult, etc....

If you are a parent with young children, it would not be surprising that at the end of a day of pouring yourself out to your little children, that you would feel a need for someone else to take care of you. As a priest, I get to feel like that too. That's why I can say this, which may be difficult for you to hear or read, dear reader, but this is a "child's reflex", not a position of adult autonomy; it is a "passive reflex", not an "active reflex".

It is always "up to me" to decide to "care for myself"

Look at it this way. My life - body, mind, heart / psyche, and spirit / soul - is like the baby I once was. Then, it was Maman who took me up and cared for me in all my needs, more or less perfectly. Providing the care was sufficient, I would smile back at her, and she was content. (This relationship of care provider to infant is also the "theoretical model" adopted by Psychotherapist Dr. Jeannine Guindon, Ph.D., foundress of the Institut de Formation Humaine Intégrale in Montreal QC Canada. She founded a new helping profession called "psycho-education" or "psycho-educator".)

But now, I am no longer that baby, but my organism, my life, is as it were like that baby, because someone needs to take care of it. That someone is me. Once I became independent of Maman and Papa, it fell to me to care for myself in at least as good a manner as the care I had received from them. My "life" will only look back at me and smile when my care for my life is sufficient for it to be content. No one else can provide that for me; it is up to me to provide that for myself, somehow.

Self care is most effective and satisfying when it does not deprive anyone else

I need to care for my life on my own time, and in a way that does not put a burden on anyone else. Mostly, I need to care for myself between my two ears, in the way I choose to think about all these things and about my life and caring for my life. Even in the very midst of caring for another, a child or children for instance, within myself I can maintain a "sanctuary" of space in which I am selecting my attitudes and interior dispositions in such a way as to be "kind to myself" without depriving others of any good thing.

I am not a victim of my attitudes, but rather a "surfer of life"

The biggest most dramatic difference I can make for myself is, for example, when I notice anxiety rising within me, to acknowledge it, recognize it, understand where it's coming from, know that I can handle it, and put it aside; replacing it with deliberately connecting with God... welcoming God's love and vitality like exposing myself to the warmth and light of the sun.... This is only one example, but there are countless ways in which I can manage my life better by noticing, acknowledging, resolving now or putting aside to resolve later, and turning to God to be replenished here and now.

To employ a different analogy, it is true to say that I am not a "victim" of my attitudes, but rather a "surfer of life". My surf board is the meaning and purpose I wish to "give to my life", and with both feet firmly planted on this surf board, I see waves coming, position myself, keep my balance, and "ride each wave" for all the vitality, pleasure, and satisfaction it can afford; as I make my way along the beach.

Turning to God, opening myself up to God who is ever here, welcoming and receiving from God are so many elements of a way of living which is a kind of skill or practice, which can be learned easily enough because God is ever here and eager to fill me, refresh me, renew me, and love me.

Needless to say, it has been a life long challenge to learn to care well for my life, because that life is constantly changing with the times, as I age, with each new challenge, in each new situation, and also with the grinding routine of the repetitious demands of each repeated day and each repeated night.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Ukraine - Russia - Europe - NATO - U.S.A.

Cordial Greetings and Respect to all at N.A.T.O.

As I understand the history of the past century, both the U.N. and N.A.T.O. came into existence in the context of the post-WW II world and the intensifying Cold War.

1989 saw the beginning of the dismantling of the U.S.S.R. and the liberation of many of the nations previously dominated by the Soviet Union. Some of these have subsequently engaged freely in relations with Russia, with formal or informal ties.

Meanwhile, despite the dismantling of the U.S.S.R., the U.S.A. and N.A.T.O. did not really "step back" or dismantle the "demonstrations of force" put in place during the Cold War and which, after the end of the Cold War, did not really make sense any more. It is understandable that mutual mistrust would continue for a while, but what actually happened is much worse.

Is it not true that Russia has complained for many years that these "shows of force" on the peripheries of Russia's borders by the U.N., N.A.T.O., and the U.S.A. have not been significantly reduced? In fact, is it not true that military installations and shows of force - particularly by the U.S.A. - have actually increased? Many excuses have been employed, but always with the same effect, which is to continue the pressure on Russia on all sides.

The Cuban Missile Crisis in October 1962 was all about the U.S.S.R. in effect saying to the U.S.A. "You continue your shows of force along our borders with your military presence; very well, now how do you like it when we take steps to do the same along your borders?"

In effect, the world has basically extended indefinitely into the future measures taken during the Cold War and which no longer make sense. Those who have seized power are obviously reluctant to let go of power, especially the U.S.A.; regardless of the effects they are having on other nations. Regardless of the apparently peace loving words expressed by American statesmen towards other nations in general and in Eastern Europe in particular; their political and military actions and the actions of their multinational corporations do anything but promote peace. The growing presence of U.S. military around the borders of Russia have done nothing but provoke the "sleeping bear".

In 1945-46 England, France, Russia, and the U.S.A. assembled together in Nuremberg, Germany, judged 22 Nazi leaders accused of war crimes and crimes against humanity; most of whom were convicted, and many executed. In succeeding decades, some nations have continued to commit "crimes against humanity"; yet these nations have not been brought to justice.

Consider how the U.S.A. invaded Iraq on the pretext of weapons of mass destruction, which turned out to be false. With the removal of Saddam Hussein, Iraq was plunged into chaos, and various groups previously kept in order by Saddam Hussein found themselves free to conduct their policies of aggression against others. For example, almost all the Christians who had lived in relative peace for millennia were intensively persecuted and most of them left the country.

In a post cold war world, both Russia and the U.S.A. have "meddled" in the affairs of other nations, such as Afghanistan and Syria to name only these two, and at times committed crimes against humanity, but neither of them have been judged for these crimes. No one has brought them to justice.

There is no denying that there is a centuries long close relationship between Ukraine and Russia. The belligerent insistence of the U.S.A. that Ukraine be introduced into NATO has been done under cover of benevolence, in the name of peace, for the sake of security for all Europe, and other high sounding words. In actual fact, though, this intrusion by the U.S.A. in the affairs of Ukraine in particular and Europe in general has done nothing but stab at one of Russia's most sensitive spots. This is deliberate provocation, and we can only ask "Why? What is the U.S.A. trying to accomplish?" Even Ukraine has consistently told the U.S.A. in effect to shut up and back off, but America is not very good at listening. America insists on the world treating Russia as if there have been no changes since the disintegration of the U.S.S.R.

It seems obvious that these past few years, Russia's invasions of parts of Ukraine have been acts of frustration with the lack of listening or respect on the part of N.A.T.O. and the U.S.A. towards Russia and its own legitimate security concerns. Why is it that Russia is constantly treated as an enemy of humanity and that no consideration has been given to Russia's legitimate concerns regarding its own security? Nevertheless, it is true to say that if Russia is a bully; then it's not the only bully on the block.

The U.S.A. goes about intruding, sometimes violently, in the affairs of other nations; whether invited to do so or not, going so far as to topple governments overly loyal to their own people but resistant to the promotion of "American interests", that is, the interests of American capitalistic multinational corporations, the same ones dominating the lobbies in Washington. I believe there is a long list of nations in which the U.S.A. came apparently to aid and build up democracy, but in their wake left those nations no longer able to support their own populations and crushed under national debts to the World Bank encouraged by the U.S.A. The signs pointing to U.S.A.'s colonial ambitions are indisputable.

Why do the U.N., N.A.T.O. and the U.S.A. continue to be "asleep at the switch?" It's only a question of time before the whole world stands up as a single man and shouts: "The emperor has no clothes!"

Respectfully,

Gilles Surprenant, Montreal QC CANADA

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POSTSCRIPT - Thursday, April 21st, 2022.

After over 8 weeks of Russia's "war on Ukraine", it would seem that the West's fears concerning Russia have been proven to be well founded. However, Russia's current faults do not negate the faults of all the other national players on the world stage. There is very little, if any, "moral high ground" here. As long as nations pursue what they narrowly perceive to be their own interests, with disregard or even contempt for their neighbours' legitimate concerns; peace will elude humanity. 

World leaders may very well have their fingers on "the switch", namely, the "switch triggering their weapons" which they may contemplate using against their neighbours. My use of the word "switch" was not this meaning, but rather the "switch" which turns on the lights enabling us to recognize one another as all sharing the one common home of the natural environment on Planet Earth. 

Pope Francis is right on the money to call on the leaders of the world's nations to adopt a perspective on their neighbours that recognizes their humanity, and that we are all "brothers and sisters" in the one human "family", and that we need to cooperate if we are to make any progress in promoting the "common good" in a way that benefits all; especially the most vulnerable, excluded, and discarded.     Gilles Surprenant

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Note to U.N. regarding U.N., N.A.T.O., the U.S.A., Russia, & Ukraine

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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Note to U.N. regarding U.N., N.A.T.O., the U.S.A., Russia, & Ukraine

Cordial Greetings and Respect to all at the U.N. and N.A.T.O.

Why is it that Western nations automatically situate themselves on what could be called the "moral high ground"; as though they are automatically morally superior, regardless of their actual declaration, actions, and behaviours on the world stage? 

As I understand the history of the past century, both the U.N. and N.A.T.O. came into existence in 1949 in the context of the post-WW II world and the Cold War.

1989 saw the dismantling of the U.S.S.R. and the liberation of many of the nations previously dominated by the Soviet Union. 

Since then it is true that both Russia and the U.S.A. have "meddled" in the affairs of such countries at Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, and other Middle East nations. 

Meanwhile, despite the dismantling of the U.S.S.R., the U.S.A. and N.A.T.O. did not really "step back" or dismantle the "demonstrations of force" put in place during the Cold War and which, after the end of the Cold War, did not really make sense.

Is it not true that Russia has complained for many years that these "shows of force" on the peripheries of Russia's borders by the U.N., N.A.T.O., and the U.S.A. have not been significantly reduced?

The Cuban Missile Crisis on 1962 was all about the U.S.S.R. in effect saying to the U.S.A. "You continue your shows of force along our borders with your military presence; well, how do you like it when we take steps to do the same along your borders?"

In effect, the world has basically extended indefinitely into the future measures taken during the Cold War and which no longer make sense. Those who have seized power are obviously reluctant to let go of power. 

In 1945-46 England, France, Russia, and the U.S.A. together judged 22 Nazi leaders accused of war crimes and crimes against humanity; most of whom were convicted, and many executed. In succeeding decades, some nations have continued to commit "crimes against humanity"; yet these nations have not been brought to justice. In light of the excesses committed by the Nazis from 1933 to 1945, these judging nations did consider themselves standing on the moral high ground, but is that still the case?

Consider how the U.S.A. invaded Iraq on the pretext of weapons of mass destruction, which turned out to be false. With the removal of Saddam Hussein, Iraq was plunged into chaos, and various groups previously kept in order by Saddam Hussein found themselves free to conduct their policies of aggression against others. Almost all the Christians who had lived in relative peace for millennia were intensively persecuted and most of them left the country. 

In a post cold war world, both Russia and the U.S.A. have "meddled" in the affairs of other nations, and at times committed crimes against humanity, but neither of them have been judged for these crimes.

It seems obvious that these past few years, Russia's invasions of parts of Ukraine have been acts of frustration with the lack of demonstrations of respect on the part of N.A.T.O. and the U.S.A. 

Why is it that Russia is constantly treated as an enemy of humanity and that no consideration has been given to Russia's concerns regarding its own security? Why have Russia's stated concerns about its own security never been taken seriously? 

Why are the U.N., N.A.T.O. and the U.S.A. "asleep at the switch?" 

"Those who ignore history are condemned to repeat it." credited to Winston Churchill

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POSTSCRIPT - Thursday, April 21st, 2022.

After over 8 weeks of Russia's "war on Ukraine", it would seem that the West's fears concerning Russia have been proven to be well founded. However, Russia's current faults do not negate the faults of all the other national players on the world stage. There is very little, if any, "moral high ground" here. As long as nations pursue what they narrowly perceive to be their own interests, with disregard or even contempt for their neighbours' legitimate concerns; peace will elude humanity. 

World leaders may very well have their fingers on "the switch", namely, the "switch triggering their weapons" which they may contemplate using against their neighbours. My use of the word "switch" was not this meaning, but rather the "switch" which turns on the lights enabling us to recognize one another as all sharing the one common home of the natural environment on Planet Earth. 

Pope Francis is right on the money to call on the leaders of the world's nations to adopt a perspective on their neighbours that recognizes their humanity, and that we are all "brothers and sisters" in the one human "family", and that we need to cooperate if we are to make any progress in promoting the "common good" in a way that benefits all; especially the most vulnerable, excluded, and discarded.     Gilles Surprenant

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

----------------------------------------------------------------

© 2004-2022 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2022 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Marriage or celibacy? What is better, healthier, more likely to lead to happiness: a life with sex or a life without sex? What about contentment versus loneliness? Does human life have a universal purpose and meaning?

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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Marriage or celibacy? What is better, healthier, more likely to lead to happiness: a life with sex or a life without sex? Does human sexuality have any bearing on loneliness, contentment, peace and serenity, and joy? Are there any other factors at work? Are there any other factors stitching all these elements together?

There are as many views as there are human beings living and breathing on the Earth at any given time, I suppose. What is most likely to bring clarity is what we know most definitively from the domain of science from publicly verified sources, whose findings have been universally corroborated and verified as true and reliable. The picture would not be complete without also taking into consideration the findings, confirmed repeatedly through various times and places, cultures and societies, by those that have been universally upheld by their contemporaries as "holy" or "wise", the "enlightened" and "saints", who had the courage and determination to pursue in practical ways and with perseverance the principles they discovered themselves and those they received from the "wise" and the "saints" who preceded them.

Form these generally accepted and trusted sources, several operating principles have, over the centuries and millennia, been clearly established as universal, verifiable, and everywhere applicable. Let us list them, in no particular order.

1. Marriage, Children, and Family

The most basic and fundamental human institution is that of marriage, that is, the lifelong union of one man with one woman, for the purpose of their mutual aid in the course of their life times, in their pursuit of procreating and raising children and the establishment and maintenance of a family, for the most part in collabortion and solidarity with other families, generally in social groupings known as clans, tribes, extended families, peoples, and nations.

2. Celibates as complements and supports to Society

In almost every time and place, in just about every society, there have always been individuals, both men and women, who for various reasons did not become a couple with a counterpart of the opposite sex and gender, but who - either by choice or necessity - lived alone, often in isolation, but generally in some form of solidarity, with the rest of their society. These celibate men and women generally lived as hermits, or else within the circle of a larger community of clan, village, tribe, or people, and who often offered some sort of service or help to their society, and which enabled them to sustain themselves.

3. The resolution of conflicts and works of peace towards the common good 

Very diverse societies, cultures, times, and places all seem to afford examples of arrangements, either formal or informal, whereby the majority of the population develop into couples with families, and at the same time a small number of celibates live "on the fringe" or even in the "heart" of their society. These celibates may be among the "ruling class" or simply be considered to dwell among the "servant class" or more remotely on the "fringes" or "peripheries" of their society. Whenever such a celibate acquires truly and justly the good reputation of being "holy" or "wise", "enlightened" or "saints", people in need of their guidance or help would go out to them with various requests. 

The more these requests obtained satisfactory resolutions, the more "beaten" the path to that celibate's door became. Peace and serenity, practical advice and counsel, and even healings and miraculous interventions have been widely documented as experienced and verified by people who have had recourse to such celibate men and women. Occasionally, the celibate or hermit would come into the heart of the society in the face of some grave conflict in order to bring counsel and resolution to those locked in apparently unsolvable conflict. As a reward for their labours, these advocates of peace were either thanked or persecuted and killed, depending on the quality of openness and welcome their words found in the hearts of those in conflict. 

4. What about human sexuality and the sexual "appetite"?

University degrees are not needed for anyone to come to the realization that our various human appetites are never fully satisfied. We are drawn to food because our mortal body requires the regular replenishment of "fuel reserves" in order to sustain itself and function optimally according to "normal parameters", to take an expression from the Star Trek "universe". We also have normal appetites for water and other forms of drink, for water to wash and bathe for cleanliness, for clothing to protect the body from variations of cold and heat, and for shelter from the elements and protection from predators and other dangers. We have appetites for pleasant sights and sounds, for smells and touch sensations.

The human "sexual appetite" is universally recognized as one of our most powerful, if not our most powerful human appetite. Among all our appetites, some are oriented towards survival and the maintenance of our physical life and existence; while others are rather oriented towards learning, diversion, entertainment, and pleasure. We don't need music to survive, but it greatly enhances the quality of life and may even contribute to the peace and ultimately, to the survival of a people. 

5. What about human sexuality and clear communication, health and mutual respect?

There exists a superabundant store of knowledge touching on human sexualty and the human "sexual appetite" to draw the certain conclusion that this unique human appetite is fraught with challenges and dangers, both for individuals and for others whose lives are "touched" be each individual man and woman. At the "dark end of the spectrum", we have come to learn about the many infections and sexually transmitted diseases that are related to the unrestricted engagement in sexual practices. As long as a human couple made up of one man and one woman remain faithful to each other and refrain from engaging in sexual activity with anyone else, they generally remain free from such threats to their health and life. Sexually transmitted infections and life threatening diseases are generally known to be the result of "serial sexual activity", or the unfettered sexual activity of people with a limited or unlimited "series of partners", of either the opposite or their own sex and gender. These are serious threats not only to individuals but also to the entire fabric of human society. For this reason, both civil and religious authorities have not only the right but the obligation to propose and impose sanctions on their constituents with rapport to any sexual activity outside the confines of each individual couple. 

The dimension of clear and honest communication between men and women generally, but in particular with rapport to the human sexual appetite and legitimate sexual activity within the confines of the human couple and family, has been found to be at the heart of all sexual activity and restraint. These principles are not only relevant to health and survival, but they are most pertinent to good order, peace and serenity, and that contentment which permits happiness in this mortal and brief existence. A life without mutual respect quickly degenerates into a miserable existence when added to all the other challenges of survival and the simple maintenance of life, health, security, and peace. 

At the heart of all distress related to both desired and unwanted sexual behaviour and activity is the great challenge of engaging in clear communication while simultaneously avoiding misinterpretation of one another's intentions. In particular, many women who later claim to have been violated by a man related how they were initially interested in the exchange of low intensity forms of affection, but how at some point the man's advances became too suddenly more intense or beyond the normal limits of low levels of affection. At that point they would have said "No." or would have tried to get up or withdraw themselves, or push away the advances that were no longer wanted. Sadly, the man either did not hear or perceive the change in them or the withdrawal of their consent, or else that man chose to ignore this change, deciding to pursue to the ultimate conclusion the satisfaction of his sexual appetite with callous disregard for the respect due to that woman or for the change in her intentions or consent. 

6. What about the human sexual appetite makes it so beautiful or misleading and dangerous?

It is well known by all who have ever engaged in sexual activity, but also can be known by those willing to learn from their elders, that once the sexual appetite is aroused, the faculty of our human will remains free only for a brief and limited time. The further "in" one goes in the pursuit of satisfaction of this sexual appetite, the degree of freedom in our human will experiences simultaneous and opposite reduction. In other words, the more one is "sexually aroused" the less one is free to slow down or stop. 

This is where the logic of the married couple becomes more and more apparent. The man and woman to become friends and, over a period of time which becomes courtship and leading to engagement, which then prepares them to enter into marriage, this couple is constituted by one man and one woman to come to know each other more and more truly and more and more intimately. They learn to verify one another's signals and intentions, learning especially from their failures if misinterpretation, and in such ways having their own impressions, interpretations, and judgements "purified" by the other through an intricate and never ending process of mutual knowledge and understanding. Such a couple become very refined in their ability to "read" one another's needs, desires, wants, intentions, hopes, and aspirations.

As some put it, each of them pass through the stages of primary school, high school, college, university, post-graduate studies, post-doctoral research, and life-long learning and expertise in the knowledge of their partner, friend, and spouse. With time, it becomes more and more unlikely that either of them would misinterpret one another's "sexual signals", which allows them to show one another more and more "mutual respect" and "mutual love and devotion". The very intense experiences of sexual arousal with the release of all the powerful related hormones all become highly disciplined by the ways in which they have come to know, love, and respect one another, and to put themselves at the service of one another for the greater good of their couple and family. In other words, the sexual appetite is more and more "tamed" and "domesticated" and made to "serve" the other and the couple, as opposed to remaining an unbridled "wild thing" interested only in the pursuit of its own selfish desires.

In any event, the sexual appetite in itself is hopelessly "handicapped" and unable ever to attain anything resembling contentment or satisfaction. No man can ever reach in himself deep and lasting satisfaction for his sexual appetite; nor can any woman by herself either. The simple reason for this is that the ultimate and lasting satisfaction of the human sexual appetite lies not in its use, but rather beyond itself; that is, in its contribution to the "higher" and "deeper" purpose of the human relationship itself. To put it simply, the sexual union of a married man and woman with each other, with each successive "union", "cements" them to each other. At the same time, all that they live together and for each other in the course of every day and night, builds up their friendship and relationship of love; so that when they do come to the preliminaries and intensity of sexual union, it is truly a celebration of all that they have become for one another and together. 

Their married life becomes a beautiful and harmonious tempo and "dance" between living and celebrating, serving and embracing, giving and receiving. It is the strength of their love in mutual service and devotion that "protects" them from the potential ravages of the otherwise "unfettered" sexual appetite. Such married couples, as they become devoted parents, enter into the paradox of experiencing deeper and deeper meaning and satisfaction in the "spending" of themselves and "pouring themselves out" in loving service to each other and to their children. They find "rest" in each other's arms when they are able to be together in recognition and celebration of all that they are becoming for each other, for others, and together. 

Having seen all this as it unfolds and applies to each mutually faithful, respectful, and devoted married couple of husband and wife, we can see how the same factors would be found to apply in reverse for all human beings who engage in sexual activity outside the context and protection of the married couple. Without the mutual knowledge of one single life long partner, it is impossible to ever sufficiently know others or their intentions or true desires; which exponentially increases the likelihood of misreading and misunderstanding one another's behaviours, words, facial expressions, "signals", and intentions. To this same extent then are increased the likelihood of misinterpretation, misunderstanding, and violation.

People who have no knowledge of or no interest or motivation in attenuating or controlling or restraining their sexual impulses and appetites are for these very reasons "dangerous" in their potention for not perceiving, misreading, or intentionally ignoring the intentions of their chosen sexual "partner" who is much more likely to become "prey" or "victim". This is why such people with unbridled or unfettered sexual appetites are generally categorized as "sexual predators". 

7. What about human sexuality and society?

Human sexuality is rather uniquely situated in that it is oriented towards the continuation and survival of our entire human species, by the function of human reproduction, and the necessary complementary function of the raising, education, and formation of the children who - from the moment of their birth and separation from their mother - live and exist in a relatively helpless and dependent state until their maturity and independence can be established. In some societies, boys and girls are deemed fully mature and independent as soon as they can survive on their own and contribute to the sustenance of their immediate collectivity, their family or clan or village. This has been observed to happen as soon as shortly after the transformation that occurs at the time of puberty. Boys and girls as young as 12 or 13 would assume their place in their society and even be given to each other in marriage.

For any family or other social grouping or community to function optimally for the common good of the whole collectivity and the personal good of all that collectivity's individuals, all children must be taught and formed to understand and discipline their sexual appetite, and to learn how to see how it relates to the entire range of their human emotions. As well, they must learn to better know and understand themselves in all these intricate dimensions of human life, how to relate to others with respect, and how to give their assent to the "social contract" whereby they will assume their part in contributing to the common good; while also giving meaning and purpose to their own life. 

8. What about the universal human experience of loneliness?

Dr. Jeannine Guindon, Ph.D, foundress of the Institut de Formation Humaine Intégrale de Montréal and of the social service field of "psycho-education", while doing all that she did to establish her method of formation in Montreal, Québec, Canada; also conducted over several decades a study of the stages of human development, otherwise called the seasons of human life. Avoiding starting out with premices or biases or scientific theories; she simply interviewed people at various ages, asking them what was happening in their life. What were their satisfactions and dissatisfactions, desires and frustrations, accomplishments and failures. What failed to satisfy and what brought meaning and purpose to their lives? Over time she found a certain confirmation of established psychological and social theories, namely, that human beings go through certain "stages in life". We pass from one stage to the next over a period of a few years, and how this varies from one person to another establishes each transition as potentially taking place within the range of a decade, that is, from the middle of one decade to the middle of the next; for example, sometime between the age of 26 and 35 we find "turning 30". Dr. Guindon touched on these seasons of life in her foundational work on the stages of re-education whereby people are helped to better understand themselves and take responsibility for their lives.

To sum up the two stages of turning 30 and 40, Dr. Guindon found that after setting out in life from 16 to 25, people almost universally experienced "increasing dissatisfaction" with what they have lived and experienced by the time they approach 30, that is, somewhere between 26 and 35, depending on whether they arrive at this "earlier" or "later". As she "distilled" people's comments, she was able to draw out a common thread, and she described this dissatisfaction as the person "experiencing a call to go deeper" into their life, or into the meaning and purpose they wish to give to their life. She gave to this particular decade and its "calling" to us as a "call to interiority". In other words, all that motivated the young adult entering into their 20's was no longer sufficient to sustain a high degree of satisfaction. Superficial or material goals were no longer enought. Their human spirit craved deeper objectives.

The person who successfully navigates this stage of "turning 30" and does attempt to "go deeper" in their quest to give meaning and purpose to their lives are able to experience a new level or degree of satisfaction in the meaning and purpose of their lives. They are now fully qualified to experience and sense a new dissatisfaction, a new calling. Having progressed and ventured into deeper realms of their human existence, these people begin to sense deep within their accomplishment a troubling unease. They begin to feel lonely beyond the normal human experience of loneliness at certain times. This new experience or sensation of loneliness comes and is felt as "embedded" within the satisfaction and the felt accomplishment in giving their chosen meaning and purpose to their lives. Their appetite for meaning and purpose, for fulfillment and happiness, remains unabated, not fully satisfied. 

They remain lonely. What does this mean? What is a happily married person, in a happily married couple, to make of this loneliness within the very depth of their deep mutual love and happiness? Dr. Guindon found that this new development, this new depth of dissatisfaction represented the coming to more acute awareness of our individuality as human beings. We are each separate individual human beings, like separate "bubbles" of human existence, unable to "merge" into one another. No one can enter into me to see and feel what it is like to "be me" on the inside. Nor am I able to enter into the other to see and feel what it is like to "be them" on the inside. We are each of us alone. I am alone.

There is no final remedy for this condition, but it is not a curse. Dr. Guindon discovered that people do not experience this isolation and feeling of loneliness as a curse. On the contrary, she found that there is within this sensation of loneliness a new human "calling" and she termed it as the "call to solitude". This human call to solitude, somewhere between 36 and 45 years of age, is a blessing, or a wonderful opportunity to more fully and deeply accept and embrace the truth of what and who we are as humans.

The person who at turning 30 accepted to respond to their "call to interiority" and who now at turning 40 experiences this novel degree or depth of loneliness and accept and embrace it as a "call to solitude" find that there is unleashed within them a new "surge" of energy that is released by the new clarity with which they understand and deliberately, freely embrace their unique human life and common condition.

9. What about the celibate and the universal human experience of loneliness?

What both the married person and the celibate need to understand in order to experience greater freedom in life and better opportunity to embrace their life and condition and take effective steps to give greater and deeper meaning and purpose to their lives, is that we human beings have within us two operative "wills" or "centers of identity". To put it in the religious or theological terms employed by Saint Paul the evangelist, which he received from his Hebrew culture and Jewish religious tradition, we human beings are composed of "flesh" and "spirit". In modern terms, we are "body" and "mind" or "body" and "spirit", "body" and "soul". Our body self experiences within itself its own "logic" and orientation; while our mind, spirit, soul lives at a different "level" or "dimension" of life, and the two remain somewhat insulated or separate from one another. This insulation or separation accounts for much of the unfolding of human misery in this mortal human condition and existence.

Saint Paul, Saint Peter, and Saint James all greed to this "diagnosis" of our human condition about the "war" between these two human dimensions and "wills" within us. The celibate who ignores this opposition and takes no measures to "set up camp" in the domain of the spirit will find his life careening out of control; such that an appropriate caricature for his life might be that he is thinking, feeling, for a man, like "a big penis on wheels". The man who thinks, acts, and lives out of the "will" or "appetite" of his penis and all of his body sensations centered around his genitals will never experience any depth of satisfaction or fulfillment. He will be perennially frustrated in his desire to give higher or deeper meaning and purpose to his life. Even the married man who has equally failed to set camp in his spirit will be unable to attend rightfully or properly to his wife. Thinking only out of his own sexual appetite he will never be able to consider his wife as a separate human being with her own life, feelings, and purpose, but will be trapped and condemned to ever see her only through the think lens of his sexual appetite. He will never be able to consider her anything more than an object for his satisfaction, but that satisfaction will be forever frustrated and postponed in his inability to see her as a person.

The only way for human beings to bring order into their lives between these two "wills", between their spirit / mind / will and their flesh, is to set camp in their spirit, and from there to "regulate", subdue, "bridle", and discipline their sexual appetite, and taming it, make it serve the meaning and purpose they want to give to their life. For the married man, he must give up his human sexuality, put it at the service of his wife, and each day renew the selfless gift of himself to his wife out of selfless love for her, to serve her and respect her, to cherich her as his friend and partner and as the mother of their children.

That is the definition of chastity for the married man. For the celibate, chastity is defined and experienced as reducing to the state of "unemployment" of his genitals, but simultaneously recruiting to the service of love of neighbour all the faculties and energies of his "capacity for affection", laying aside any personal seeking for affective satisfaction. Instead, the celibate enters into a life of selfless service, in which in the very service and encounter of others, he will find affection in the very giving of human warmth, caring and service to others. He can only receive affection in the giving of it, and never in the "taking" or "grabbing" after it. By gently and kindly acknowledging the "murmuring" or "complaints" and "arousals" of his sexual apparatus - from the genitals all the way to the brain by way of his emotions - the celibate deliberately "starves of his attention" all the clamoring and noise coming from his human flesh and sexual appetite, gradually subduing all those "voices" with the mastery of a "benevolent ruler" totally devoted to ruling his "subjects" with wisdom and expertise for their good.

All of this has been expressed from a man's point of view, which I am. I gather that the basic principles also apply for women, but in light of their different but complementary nature, they would express the understanding and application of these principles in a different but complementary fashion. I look forward to reading a similar reflection from any number of my sister human beings.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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