Tips on how to "navigate" our interior life among all the "voices" competing with each other in our spirit

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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This reflection is in response to my observations of parents with young children as well as adolescnets - in addition to the normal challenges of their daily routine - who are faced with our common challenges but also at times unexpected or disturbing troubles, including forms of evil.

Life is beautiful but complex, and we human beings are complex living beings with many dimensions: body, mind, heart / psyche, and soul / spirit, with physical senses - exterior and interior - varied intellectual and psychological faculties such as perception, conceptualization, cognition, memory, imagination, and so on. We also have "spiritual senses and faculties" such as conscience, the ability to say no, the ability to reason and distinguish between good and evil, and a capacity for relationship with our Creator God.

 Please feel free to come back in comments with any thoughts or questions you may have. Please also feel free to share this with close family and friends, such as with you spouse if you are married. Companions on the journey of life help us to understand ourselves as they take interest in listening to us give expression to our thoughts, feelings, experiences, questions, doubts, fears, anxieties, and deep desires.

WHAT ABOUT GOD?

Our God will always be mysterious... 3 divine Persons so close in communion that they are as one, one God, one divine being, which is an intimate communion of divine persons. This means that our relations with them, with God, will probably always also be mysterious.

That being said, there are many ways to pray, to "be with God", in the course of our busy lives, and each form of prayer offers us a different and complementary experience, a different way of "being with God, visiting with God" who is ALWAYS PRESENT. The sacraments are particularly powerful ways to "be with God" and to receive all that God wants to give us.

WHERE IS GOD AMID OUR INTERIOR "VOICES"?

In our days and nights, as we pay attention to ourselves and agree to explore our "inner world" in our mind, heart, body, and soul, we discover three kinds of "voices".

THE PRIMARY "VOICE" WITHIN US IS GOD OUR CREATOR

The primary "voice" within us often goes unnoticed simply because it is the united Voice of God embedded within us, in the centre of our soul, rooted with us from the very first moment of our conception, in our immortal soul. In our deep center, in our soul, we are forever young, because our soul is immortal. Someday, in the resurrection, God will transform our bodies - wherever they are - and make them immortal like our soul, as Jesus was after his Resurrection, and as Mary is since her Assumption into Heaven. This voice of God within us is like the instinct that guides migratory birds to their destination. 

Our spirit is naturally oriented towards God our Creator to guide us to Him. However, our human condition now, since the original sin, is like a fog making it a little more difficult to notice, to recognize, to discern God's voice within us. Not to worry, the Most Holy Trinity watches over us like good parents watch over their children and pour into us life, vitality, their love, and spiritual helps we call graces to lift us up, enlighten us, form us, and guide us along the way; always respecting our free will.

The Presence of God within us is, since our Baptism, the natural environment of our interior life. Our basic inner voice emerges from God into our own self, our own person, in the living "being" that we are with its different "components": our mind, heart, body, and soul. This voice of our individual and unique "self" sometimes echoes the truth, but often enough, it may be mistaken. That is why we live "in the school of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph", the Holy Family. We are constantly being "formed" and "guided", and the choice is always ours to make. The Word of God in the Bible is our basic diet and spiritual nourishment... we need at least a little from the Word of God every day.

THE SECOND VOICE WE NOTICE IS OUR OWN

Our first "voice" is therefore our own. As we take in the Word of God, and "offer hospitality" to the Father, to Jesus, and to the Holy Spirit; they form and develop who we are, and they give us divine light, they correct misconceptions and misunderstandings, and they guide our inner voice to keep us on the right path.

THE FIRST VOICE WE NOTICE AS INFANTS IS THAT OF OUR PARENTS... THEN, THERE ARE OTHER VOICES OUTSIDE OF US TOO

There is a second "voice"... that of others around us and in the bigger world. We at times hear echoes within us of the voice of our parents, grandparents, and other significant people; who have contributed to our formation. Their voices become part of us and part of our own inner voice.

WE NEED TO KNOW THERE IS A THIRD VOICE... THAT OF THE ENEMY OF MANKIND

There is a third "voice"... that of the "enemy of mankind" which tries to turn us away from God and lead us astray. Originally, as in Genesis, the first book in the Bible, this enemy was the demon, the devil, the rebellious angel, who is jealous of us, wants to obstruct our relationship with our Creator, and ultimately to destroy us. God permits this enemy to tempt us so that we may learn to recognize the lies and reject them, and fight against the darkness and choose to walk in the light. Parents are reflections of God the perfect Parent as they love their children and let them go out to play and to school and face the dangers in the world, because life is worth living, and they form and guide their children to recognize and choose the good and to discern and reject the bad.

BEWARE OF "DARK THOUGHTS" WHICH ARE LIES COMING FROM THE ENEMY

So, whenever you may be assailed by "dark thoughts": such as "I'm no good. I'm a failure. I'm terrified, I can't do this; so, why even bother trying." and so on, we need to recognize them for the lies that they are and to reject them. God offers us all the grace we need to do this, but it always remains up to us to use our brains, think things out, seek guidance and support, and in the end, choose the good and reject the bad.

WE HAVE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE

We have freedom to choose the attitude with which we will face any situation. When we become aware of anxiety, fear, and any trouble, challenge, or temptation, the trick is not to panic. Rather, we take notice of what is happening, admit that to ourselves: "O yes, I recognize that; or, yep, that's me all right; or hey, wait a minute, that's not true." Then, we turn our attention away from it and turn our attention instead to God who loves us. "Daddy God, look at what the sneak is trying to do to me. I reject it. Be with me. Lift me up. Show me the way." and so on....

It's like driving at night. We must never focus our attention on the headlights coming from the other direction, because we tend to go where we look, and we don't want a head-on collision. So we notice the opposing traffic lights with our peripheral vision but keep our central vision and attention focused on the road ahead. Well, it is like that as we live our interior world. We notice the bad things, the distractions, the temptations, the dangers, but we deliberately turn our central focus and attention to the Most Holy Trinity dwelling within us. We make little conversations with God and live in anticipation of the light, the guidance, the warmth, the peace, the love that they want to give us.

PRACTICE BRINGS FAMILIARITY AND GREATER EASE

The more we try to practice these things, the more familiar with God and his ways we become, and the more God reveals us to ourselves and we get to understand ourselves more and more. We become more and more grateful for the gift of our life, and we become more and more open and kind to others.... We will still have anxieties, but we bring them to God and He changes them into peaceful action. We still have fears, but God changes them into knowing that He loves us....

                                                   Pax + Caritas,       Fr. Gilles

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2024 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2024 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Queenship of Mary, Mother of God - August 22nd, 2024 - What do we do in the face of many personal trials and troubles and of all the evil in the world?

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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This reflection is in response to heartfelt cries for help from the parents of young families - in addition to the normal challenges of their daily routine - who are faced with unexpected and frightening troubles which, when they accumulate, can take on an appearance of evil.

I understand that you and your family are anxious because of all that has happened and is happening to you. I believe that you and and your spouse have yet to discover the full dignity and capacity you have received from God our Father to live as his children in the world. Jesus has commissioned all of us, and this includes each of you, to go out and labour confidently as his missionary disciples in the world. As we try to live in God, the Holy Spirit makes us "light for the world" and "salt for the Earth". I know you are comforted and encouraged by the presence and visit of the priest. I think you don't fully realize that Jesus gave not only to bishops, priests, and deacons, but to us all  a share in his authority over the darkness, to dispel it, because He is victorious over sin, death, and the evil one. Jesus wants all of us to become, in the power of the Holy Spirit, his missionary disciples to carry the light of his love into all the dark places in the world.

There is no such thing as "evil eye", which is an idea, image, or feeling left over from pagan times when people had no understanding of the order that exists in the universe under God our Creator and Father. That is only one among many images, ideas, or phenomena which make up what we can call the "shadows" where evil lurks, waiting to pounce on unwary victims. You must know and understand that there is no true power in the universe apart from the power of God. To his creatures, like the angels (which includes the rebellious or disobedient angels which we call demons), He has given a share, but only a partial share, in his power. His human children, that's us, He has made free, and the demons have no power over us except through fear, if we give in to it. 

Italy is one place where, like in Haiti, there persists what is called syncretism, which is an attempt to mix Christianity with the old pagan beliefs and superstitions. This never works because by making room for pagan beliefs and superstitions, we never actually put all our trust in God. Pagan ways only have power over us through fear. When we surrender ourselves to fear, or give in to fear, or focus on fear, or allow ourselves to become obsessed with fear; then we open the door of our mind, heart, body, imagination, and soul to the darkness. When we accept to play the role of victim, then we can experience bad things that we don't need to experience. 

There are already enough bad things in life without opening the door to the darkness through fear or playing with any of the various occult practices: ouija board, tarot cards, fortune tellers, reading tea leaves, seances, spells, witchcraft black of white, etc. etc. One of the most dangerous and wide open traps rapidly spreading throughout the world right now is every form of pornography. This includes what maskerades as art but in fact denigrates the dignity and beauty of the human body and person. Every form of porn or false art denies the beauty, goodness, and truth embedded in our human nature by God our Creator, and tries to distract our attention away from our true identity and dignity as children of God and tries to seduce us to another way of living, which in the end can only lead to loneliness and death. The proof is everywhere around us in the wholesale slaughter of the innocents in the womb. 

More innocent lives have been ripped from the womb and deprived of their right to be born and live than all the victims of wars and violence throughout the world in the 20th century, which is hard to believe but true. We cannot assign blame to women who have abortions without asking: "Where are the men? Why are the men not taking responsibility for themselves, and why are they abandoning the women they pretended to love and care for? What happened to the mothering and fathering of children that has produced human beings so insecure in themselves that they need to have recourse to sex in a desperate attempt to feel some human warmth and intimacy; however shallow and fleeting?

God our Creator and Father made our human sexuality as only one part of our human life. It is beautiful and powerful and adds colour to life, in addition to generating new life. It is designed to "cement" husband and wife to each other, to strengthen them against all the trials and troubles of life.Whenever we use our sexuality outside of the bond of husband and wife, the power of sex binds us to other things: selfishness, situations and combinations that are not part of God's plan for human life and happiness, exploitation, violence, and the destruction of the innocence of children and youth. 

We must renounce ALL these things, all these forms of evil and the occult, and all degraded forms of sex and false and empty intimacy, and get them out of our houses, purge all our electronic devices, and put all of this trash out of our minds, imaginations, and memories, confess having used them, or even having entertained such thoughts and ideas. We renounce all these forms of darkness and evil when we renew our baptismal promises every Easter. We also do it at the beginning of every Holy Mass and also every time we pray the prayer that Jesus, Our Lord, taught us... the "Our Father". 

We need to go in the opposite direction of the fear, the dark images, the dark feelings, the temptations, the threats, the shadows where evil lurks trying to intimidate us, and instead go in the opposite direction and walk towards God our loving Father, and keep deciding to put our trust in Him and in his Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, the one and only Saviour of the world.

That is why I recommend to you some practices for you and your spouse and your children as a family. Don't try to do all those things by yourself, if you are the wife and mother, but tell your husband that you need his support and leadership as head of your home. If you who are reading this are the husband and father, please also don't try to do these things by yourself, but first chat with your wife, and let her know that you don't want to do anything without her consent and support. You each have a part to play. It is up to each of you to decide to practice faith and putting trust in God through prayer and practicing silence, meditation, and the peace given by the Holy Spirit deep within us, but only if we want it. 

God never imposes, but only offers. It is up to us to want it, to ask for it, to do it, to receive it, and to accept it; to live it. This is how, by dwelling in love and in God, it is God Himself who pushes away the darkness from inside of us. The darkness outside will remain until the end of time at the final victory of Jesus Christ; we need to understand that life will always be a battle between light and dark, and the battle line runs through the middle of our mind, heart, body, and soul. 

God wants us to do battle and have the satisfaction of participating in the victory Jesus won; remember that first He suffered and died, and only then did He win the victory. God our Father wanted to demonstrate to all of humanity that even when evil would do its worst against Jesus, even killing Him; still, evil could not have a definitive victory. It was through dying that Jesus overcame death itself. It was by taking all the bad effects of sin on Himself that Jesus overcame sin. In the end, all that remains is the powerful and victorious love of God. 

Here, then, are the practices I encourage you to do together.

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Priests are generally glad to visit your family and home, but please remember that God wants you to do your part; you cannot expect the priest to solve all your problems without doing your part to take responsibility for yourselves, your lives, your marriage, your family, your home, and every aspect of your lives.

In the meantime, don't wait, but, first of all, the best you can all do as a family is to go to confession regularly, all of you, in order to allow darkness not to get any foothold within you. No matter how often we must confess a similar sin, we refuse to give up or be discouraged, and by continuing to confess, we practice putting our trust not in our own power to be perfect but in God's mercy and love. 

Second, obtain some holy water in a jar from the church (for the purpose of going through your entire house sprinkling it generously and abundantly, and praying the Rosary at the same time - see "fourth").

Third, pray together as a family. You could pray the Rosary together every day for a month, and it could become a good daily habit. (If your girls are to learn to live with God, you need to show them by doing it yourselves and also doing it with them.)

Fourth, while praying the Rosary, go around the house sprinkling the holy water in each and every room, closet, and cupboard, sprinkling with clean hands into all the corners of each space.

Finish with joining hands and praying in thanksgiving to God: one Our Father, one Hail Mary, and one Glory Be.... Then, give each other the sign and kiss of peace. Our Father wants us to be filled with his peace and joy; even in the face of troubles, threats, dangers, and sufferings.

How to pray the Rosary by meditating on the Mysteries of the Rosary - events in the life of Jesus and Mary, which the Holy Spirit uses to make connections with our own daily lives....

After praying the prayers connected to the Crucifix, the first bead, the next 3 beads, and the last bead, before starting the first decade, read the text for the first mystery in the set of mysteries you have chosen. Then pray each prayer in the decade, contemplating the mystery as you say the prayers. Do this for each decade. At the end, pray the "Hail, Holy Queen", the "Prayer to St. Michael", and any other prayer(s) you may wish to add.

By praying together as a family, the Lord Jesus will definitely be with you and drive away any dark influences.

I and all the bishops, priests, and deacons - including and especially Pope Fancis - are with you all in spirit. The role of the priest is to lead and show the way, but each baptized person must then actually walk in the way... and Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth, and the life." To see the way He walks and walk in it, to perceive Him as the truth and take it into us to absorb it, and to receive Jesus with the Father and the Holy Spirit and have their life within us... for all of this, we need to look at Jesus, begin to notice that He looks at us with love, let Him touch our hearts, let Him bring his light into our mind, let the Holy Spirit fill us with the peace that comes from the love of the Father and the Son.... 

All other ideas, fears, troubles, trials, feelings... they are all distractions trying to make us forget to keep looking to Jesus, to keep welcoming Him into us.... Don't be fooled by the superficial trials of life... they are only opportunities for us to practice putting our trust in God while we do our best to do what is in our power to do. What isn't in our power, that's what we put into God's hands, trusting that He will take care of his part, when and how He decides to do that. Our part is to hope and wait with confidence; while continuing to do what is ours to do, especially to pray and visit with God often during the day as we go about our occupations.

God doesn't want us to suffer going through life as though we were alone, or as orphans... but instead to make room for God in our mind and heart as we go about our occupations; knowing He is looking on us with love all day long and all through the night.... 

Please show this to your spouse, chat together, ask God to guide you, and decide what steps you will take. Then, let your priest know what you are doing together about all of this. Good priests who are good shepherds are glad to know what the faithful are doing to walk in the ways of the Lord, and are glad to offer counsel and encouragement. As you prepare and take good steps, know that the whole Church, the Bride of Christ, the entire Body of Christ consisting of all the baptized, all the ordained, and all the religious, are constantly praying for you all and with you in the Holy Spirit, 24/7! 

In Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,

Fr. Gilles

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2024 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2024 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano - What is the meaning of his excommunication by the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith in the Vatican? Friday, July 5th, 2024

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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How do we handle conflicts?

People in authority in the Church and in society are much like you and me.

In the face of a difficult situation, we generally want to give other people the benefit of the doubt.

If it's serious enough or it keeps happening, then, we must take a closer look, and even investigate the situation ourselves or ask someone else to do it. This may or may not lead to clarity and to appropriate action. The more complicated the situation, the more time and effort are needed to clarify it and take steps toward the most desirable resolution. 

When complaints accumulate against a person, or when we ourselves come to a well deliberated conclusion that we must intervene, that's usually when we do it.

Each case is unique and there aren't really any cut and dry policies in our lives, and it's pretty much the same with our Church. At certain times in the past, Church authorities deemed it necessary to make judgments and excommunications more frequently, because there were open attacks on the Church or the truths of the Gospel and the Word of God, or the Church itself as the living organism founded by our Lord Jesus Christ on Peter and the Apostles. 

There have been eras in history when people looked at issues more in a black and white perspective, but with the extremely rapid development this past century in the social sciences, as well as the pure sciences, this has enhanced our understanding of the complexities of human life and behaviour. As a result, the Church now tends to be more circumspect and cautious, rather committed to investing more time and focused attention to details, and even reluctant to be shooting off frequent condemnations. In our lifetime, the shooting off of condemnations hasn't been anything resembling common practice; so, this latest excommunication seems unusual, but it really isn't.

Sooner or later, we must all render accounts, and those who make more noise are likely to attract more attention. There is another dimension to this; the personal dimension. So far, we've really only considered the issues, right and wrong, truth and falsehood.

The difference between the ways of the Lord and those of the enemy of humankind

There is also the difference between the ways of the Lord and the ways of the enemy of humankind, which of these we have been integrating into ourselves, and by which of these we live our lives and relations with others.

The enemy makes everything black and white, cut and dried, with no room for nuance, and quick to assign blame and condemn. It is the way of war and the culture of death.

The ways of the Lord reflect the awesome attributes of the Most Holy Trinity. There is truth, but also goodness and beauty. There is justice, but also mercy. God is never quick to judge, but always slow to condemn and eager to save.

When Church authorities, especially those of the Vatican, approach someone against whom there have been complaints or who stands out in criticizing the Pope or the Church itself - as Archbishop Vigano has consistently done since his retirement - the authorities are interested not only in the issues to be clarified, but equally in the attitude, words, behaviour, and actions of the other person.

Will the other approach peacefully, openly, with a docile spirit and willingness to accept the authority of the Church and manifest eagerness to obey and do the will of God? Such a person manifests a soul that is integrating the ways of the Lord into their own life, a life of holiness; a soul that is living in the Kingdom of God.

On the contrary, a person who is belligerent, condemning others left and right, accusing everyone, giving the impression that only THEY have the truth, and that everyone should be obeying THEM; well, such a soul is manifesting itself as caught up in the ways of the enemy of humankind, and the kingdom of this world, and most likely under the influence of the prince of this world; the same one who tempted Jesus in the desert.

What exactly is an excommunication?

Jesus declared that the only sin that cannot be forgiven is the sin against the Holy Spirit, which simply put, is the sin of a soul setting itself up against God, accusing God, closing itself off from God, pushing God aside and trying to take God's place as it were. As long as the gates of the mind, heart, and soul are closed to God, then it stands to reason that his grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love cannot enter into such a soul. It is basically condemning itself.

So, a declaration of excommunication is simply the Church declaring that such a soul has already cut itself off from God and the Church. Therefore, it would be sacrilegious for them in their rebellion to take the sacraments, because they are not in a proper disposition of soul. The excommunication is not a condemnation but an act of justice and mercy that is made in the hope that it will shake the person up and open them up to repentance and conversion.

Secular society, which has adopted the closed perspective of the enemy, sees everything in black and white; therefore, it is almost incapable of understanding the above dynamic and how the Church is ever seeking to help souls open themselves up to the truth, the goodness, the beauty, the justice and mercy of God, and to give God the first place in our lives; rather than setting ourselves up on any kind of personal throne or chair of authority.

Being ordained a deacon, priest, or bishop, or being appointed archbishop or cardinal, is a heavy burden of responsibility which only God's grace can help us carry. It is the same with the daily grace of Marriage. Those who accept daily their grace of vocation are able to carry themselves with humility before God, and are eager to show everyone else kindness and understanding, patience and goodness, mercy, forgiveness, and love, unconditionally; just as God shows each of us all these graces unconditionally and liberally. 

So, you can see from all this, that we are very much in need of having sympathy for one another, of showing kindness and understanding to one another, but also of standing up for the truth, for goodness, for beauty, for justice and mercy. We also need to do this with a calm and peaceful disposition, with only love towards those who disagree with us or cause trouble of any kind. For this we need the grace of God, the power, presence, and action of the Holy Spirit within us, enabling us to stand fast against any and all attacks against God and his purposes in the world and in Creation.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2024 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2024 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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What is a woman to do when her man "treats her like dirt"? What does a man do when his woman "treats him like dirt"? When one "gets religion" and makes life hell for the other?

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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Hello Dear Suffering Soul, 

I thank the suffering soul who trusted me with remarks along those lines, and for putting trust in me. I will be as candid as I can be also with you who read me here.

First of all, I have deep respect for women, because of the great dignity which God our Creator has given you, and because of your deep capacity - when this feminine human nature is embraced and accepted by each woman - to give life and nurture life in others.

I also have deep respect for men, because of the great dignity which God our Creator has given you, us because I myself am a man, and because of man's deep capacity to engage the world, struggle with it to cultivate it, and eke out an existence from it for himself and his family.

Of course, men are also capable of giving life and nurturing, but it seems evident that God has specifically designed woman with this capacity. Similarly, women are also capable of engaging the world, struggling with it and cultivating it - in fact, in many cultures women do most of the tilling of the soil - but again, it seems evident that God has specifically designed man with this capacity.

Unfortunately, that same capacity in woman to be inclusive of others and to care for them, can also become a weak point that can be exploited by people who are either unscrupulous or who simply have not sufficiently matured so as to be sensitive to the dignity of others and still too selfish to become aware of others as living persons and to respect them. It's normal for a baby at the breast to be selfish because that is the first stage of life and the other stages have not yet developed. However, it is sad, even tragic, and downright dangerous when a full grown human being is still selfish and entirely preoccupied only with their own self; oblivious to others as living persons.

Man's capacity can also become a weak point exploited by others, which we can readily observe in the "new slavery" evident all over the planet; whereby men are drawn into "voluntary slavery" by being seduced by the "carrot" promising them rewards and advancement, but with the "stick" close behind, threatening to punish them or fire them if they don't comply. The fear, even terror, engendered by this new slavery explains why men surrender to long hours away from their wife, children, and home.

From this point on, I will write only from the woman's point of view, the female soul who wrote to me. Men have only to reverse the values for the text to equally apply to them in their situations of abuse or neglect by their woman.

This seems to be what you reported to me as happening to you by what you sense is a lack of respect, of caring, of responsibility, of friendship, of cooperation, and of love - authentic caring - on the part of your male partner.

If I understand correctly, you and he lived in intimacy for most of the past several years, but then when he suddenly took more interest in religion, he laid down "the law" to you; stating that you could no longer have intimacy unless you got married in the Church.

There is a difference between religion and faith, between rituals and spirituality. People can see themselves as "religious" because they are trying to follow what they perceive as "the rules", but this can turn into rigid and uncaring behaviour. The entire focus is on the rules, following them, being seen as following them, and wanting to escape punishment for not following them.

That was precisely the attitude and behaviour of most of the religious leaders who turned on Jesus and had Him killed. Jesus was the son of Mary but also the Son of God, and He still is, now that in his human body He rose from the dead, left the tomb, walked about meeting his disciples for 40 days, and then ascended to the Father's right hand in Heaven. People who rigidly try to follow religious rules do that because they have not yet actually met the living God in Person. God isn't real to them yet, not in a personal way, but only as a "big threatening figure in the sky" whom they believe to be ready to punish them as soon as they step out of line, or else be ready to throw them down into hell for all eternity at their moment of death. In effect, they understand nothing of who God is nor of the ways of the Lord.

Jesus seriously said that whatever we do to others - all the other people we meet on Earth, and especially the people in our own lives - we do those very same things to Jesus Himself. In other words, Jesus - along with his Father and the Holy Spirit - because they are so united together, we call them the Most Holy Trinity - because they love us without any conditions, they care for us, for each and every one of us so much, that they take personally whatever we do to one another, even to strangers.

That is why Jesus kept repeating: "Repent, and believe the good news."

What I just said about God's unconditional love is the good news. The bad news is that we are badly out of sync with God and his design for us, and we need to stop, turn around, repent, change our attitude and behaviours, and accept to live a new life in communion with God and at peace with our neighbour, and even with enemies.

What you need to hear, my daughter, is that God loves you; you are his daughter, and the dignity that He built into you from the moment of your conception is God's gift to you, the value of who you are for yourself as well as for others, and no one can take your dignity away from you.

You may at times be badly treated by others, but they only betray themselves, making visible the evil within them, or the limits of their goodness, their lack of maturity and responsibility, their lack of sensitivity and caring. Jesus proclaimed us blessed when we suffer in these ways, because we are being treated in the same way that He was treated. Even though Jesus is Love in Person; He was rejected, falsely accused, unfairly condemned, tortured, and cruelly executed. He accepted to suffer in this way because the Father sent Him into the world to demonstrate to humanity for all time what God is really like, and what authentic love looks like in a human being.

You options are, among the following, to accept what you suffer out of love for God, and offer your suffering as a pleasing sacrifice to God; as Jesus did on the Cross. No one can coerce us to do this; it is something that can only happen when we find within us the love to do it willingly and even gladly. That is why every day we need to be filled with God's love for us; filled with the Holy Spirit, because only God living within us and loving us can enable us to love with this same divine love.

Second, you can decide to withdraw from your man and, with God's help, find a better man more qualified and willing to be a true husband. God has filled you with dignity and his gifts and He wants to give you more... his truth, his goodness, and his beauty... and you don't need to feel obliged to "waste" your gifts on someone who is unwilling or unable to appreciate them or you, or who is incapable or unwilling to truly love you. Jesus warned us not to put our pearls (our dignity) before pigs, because they will turn around and maul us.

Third, you can try to have a mature and peaceful conversation with your man, expecting him to behave and chat like a responsible and mature adult. In such a conversation, there are no accusations. No one points a finger and cries out: "You...." Rather, each one calmly relates what it is like being who they are, what it is like to suffer as a result of attitudes shown, words said, actions done, and actions failed to be done. For example: "Yesterday, I heard the following words... these words stabbed me like a knife, and I cried for hours." When I honestly open my mind and heart to someone, their only options are to be silent, to believe me, or not believe me, or they can go on the defensive and try to justify themselves, or they can turn on me with an offensive barrage of accusations.... It can get ugly when one or both are not willing to be honest and humble, willing to believe and trust the other, willing to take responsibility for themselves and to acknowledge the unique life and person of the other.

No one can "put some sense into" another person's head. Each human person must accept to face life's challenges, to take responsibility for their own attitudes, thoughts, words, actions, and failures to act. This is what it means for a boy to become a man and for a girl to become a woman, for a child to become an adult. Each person must decide to stop blaming everyone else for what they suffer and for their disappointments. Life often sucks, and we all have to just get over it. We are called by God our Creator to learn that life is a gift, that other people are persons just like me, that they have dignity given them by God, that they have the right to exist, to breathe, and to live their life fully, and we need to be willing to be grateful, to cultivate an attitude of gratitude for life, for other people and what they contribute to our life, and ultimately, we are for a while on Earth to learn to be grateful to God and offer Him the worship that is due to Him.

When people enter into marriage with a 50 / 50 attitude, it is doomed to failure. God has designed us men and women to become a couple, and most of us try to do it. A few are called to live a solitary life, like priests and religious, and some professionals who dedicate their lives in service to humanity. In this enterprise of becoming a couple and entering into marriage, the man and the woman need to be mature and responsible, and they understand that the other is so precious that the other deserves that I give nothing less than 100% of everything that I am and have all of the time. Naturally, because of the original sin when human beings broke their trust in God and in each other, because of our mortal condition; we never measure up to this ideal of 100% of me and all that I am and have all of the time. That is why we need to practice showing each other kindness and understanding, mercy and forgiveness. This is especially true because we grow and develop at a different pace, in different seasons of life, and go through different stages at different times from each other.

Feel free, my daughter, to reply with further thoughts or questions.

At some point, it would make sense for these exchanges to be between the priest and the couple. If a couple are not capable or willing to open up to a priest with complete and mutual trust; then it would appear that the man and woman are not really a couple. They may be living under the same roof, they may be sharing the same bed, they may even have sexual intimacy, but it is unlikely that it is anything like what God our Creator designed us to be capable of, nor what He intended for us in order to experience life and his blessing in abundance. God's design for the intimate union of a man and a woman is that He designed us for much more than simply copulating as animals do. God designed us to be capable of a union of minds, hearts, and souls, as well as of bodies.

It makes no sense for one to treat the other like dirt all week and then suddenly expect to get intimate. The true and authentic intimacy can only be honest, pure, and true when it has something to express and celebrate... the countless acts of selfless service and authentic caring and tenderness one for the other all through the week, day and night, attentive to each other, striving to fulfill the other's needs, appreciative of the other's caring service and attention to their children. Then it becomes much more than a brief physical climax, but a profound and lingering union of souls melting into one another. Then, after that intimacy, the husband and wife lie next to each other in silence, in rapt contemplation of the profound mystery into which they have been drawn, into a truly "Holy Communion" of persons, as holy as the Holy Communion with Jesus in his Body and Blood. That wife is touched by Jesus when her husband chastely embraces her without thought of grabbing pleasure for himself but entirely preoccupied with blessing her. That husband is touched by Jesus when his wife lovingly accepts his chaste embraces and he understands that Jesus is loving him through her warm presence and affectionate attachment to him....

                                                   Pax + Caritas,       Fr. Gilles

See below my previous post: How can we help our parents, especially when they grow old, as they suffer - and we suffer - because of their faults?

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2024 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2024 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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How can we help our parents, especially when they grow old, as they suffer - and we suffer - because of their faults?

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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Dear caring daughter or son of an aging parent,

How do I know that you care about your aging parent? It is simply because you are taking the time to read this post.

Christ is risen, alleluia!

I'm so happy to know that you are reading this probably because you care about your aging parent(s). Your relationship with an aging parent or parents may in fact be difficult, unpleasant, or even painful. The good news is that you still care! Even whatever trouble may be happening between you and your aging parent(s) may in fact be good news; not because we should enjoy pain, but because of the ways of the Lord with us. After you read all this, I think you may agree that what is happening is good news. 

God is good... all the time... and all the time... God is good!

I hope and pray for you that otherwise all is well with you. All is well with me too despite the trials of life, and often, because of these trials... God has been giving me some amazing graces after two and a half years of doing the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius of Loyola.... 

The Madonna House Apostolate

Recently, I really enjoyed spending three weeks at Madonna House Apostolate Training Center in Combermere ON, which included Holy Week and the Easter Octave. You would really love the faith community there. Are you single or married? If married, your spouse would probably enjoy the experience as well. Guests are called "working guests" because MHA accepts donations but charges no fee, whether people stay for a week, a month, or a year, and they do expect all lay men and women guests to participate fully in the life of the community - prayers, meals, manual labour, Holy Mass, and recreation.... Guests sleep in dormitories for women or for men. Priest guests, especially elders, are a bit more free to do manual labour or not because they know how much priests are exhausted when they come and are very much in need of a rest.

It is good to harbour feelings of gratitude and give thanks to God our Creator

I join you in giving thanks to God for the wonderful graces and progress with which the Lord has been blessing you in your life. How do I know this? It is unlikely that you would be reading this if it were otherwise. Even the most difficult and painful, lonely human existence has blessings, most of which we don't even realize or notice. It has taken me over forty years to realize such blessings as my heart beating and my lungs breathing, over which I have no control at all. 

How wonderful it is the way Almighty God is so patient with us, so careful not to do damage to our free will, which is why God is being so patient with your aging parent(s). It is wonderful that you are now trying to love your aging parent(s) in accord with their needs, and now the Lord will help you to love your aging parent(s) the way they need to be loved, which may not the way you have been trying to do it. Don't beat yourself up about this, though, because we all fall into this trap; trying to change our parents. It's called the "role reversal trap" when children try to behave as parents towards their own parents, especially when they become old or older. God has given us wisdom about this in the Old Testament book of Sirach chapter 3.

We are not on Earth to find happiness. Oh, really?!?

We are not on Earth to find happiness, because this is something that the Most Holy Trinity is preparing for us in eternity. We are on Earth to become saints, and the only way to become a saint is to walk in the steps of Jesus and accept the Holy Spirit's guidance to live as Jesus did. This of necessity includes accepting freely and gladly carrying the cross of suffering that life brings us, either in our own life, or because of our love for others. You may find this hard to believe, but Jesus really wants to help you become a saint, like all the saints now in Heaven! Jesus will do this through the ordinary events of your life.

The "ways of the Lord"

We are all learning "the ways of the Lord" and his patience is something we generally find difficult to accept, especially when it comes to other people in our lives. We have the impression we know what they need, and we try to tell them what to do, but this generally doesn't work. If anything, the more we persist in "nagging at them", the more likely it is that they will "harden" their views and "dig in their heels". It's human nature.

We mostly don't realize it, but God is "at work" within us, in our lives

This may be a new stage in your life now. Whenever we turn aside from any form of bad habit, evil behaviour, or sin, such as when we accept to live in the grace of chastity, the Holy Spirit cleanses the eyes of our mind, heart, and soul, and we begin to see more clearly and to see as God sees. We will need all eternity to approach the wisdom and love that is in the Most Holy Trinity, but rejoice and be glad that the Holy Spirit now seems to be leading you on this path. You can know this, because Jesus is sharing with you his Sacred Heart. His Sacred Heart suffers, even though his humanity is risen from the dead and now immortal in Heaven, because He FEELS our sufferings as though they are his own. This is what perfect love does.

So, Jesus is now inviting you to accept to endure the suffering you see in your aging parent(s), simply to accept to suffer what they are suffering, without trying to change them in any way.  This is how God behaves towards us, but Jesus also prays to the Father, interceding for us in eternity. Romans 8:34 Jesus ever lives to intercede for us with his Father. Hebrews 7:25

Honouring our parents may be the most difficult commandment to observe....

As your parents' child, you owe your aging parent(s) respect and love, according to the 4th commandment in Exodus 20:12: "Honour your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you." On this depends the possibility for you to live well and long in the land. These are the ways of the Lord which He wants us to respect so that we can then receive his abundant blessings. Even if your aging parent(s) were terrible criminals, you would still owe them respect and need to honour them for having participated with God our Creator in giving you life. The more your aging parent(s) have in addition to this done good things for you, then you need all the more to honour and respect them and love them. Jesus will help you to love your aging parent(s) as Jesus and the Father and the Holy Spirit love you.

The difficult temptation to treat our aging parents as though they were children

It is not your place in life to reform your aging parent(s). They must do that for themselves, just as you are now doing it for yourself, with the grace of God. You will have peace about your aging parent(s)'s troubles once you adopt Jesus' own attitude of trust in the Father on behalf of your earthly parents and join Jesus in interceding for them. You can do this by offering what you suffer on your aging parent(s)'s behalf at every Mass, putting your offering of yourself with your aging parent(s) on the altar with the bread and wine.

The liberating Christian practice of "becoming a living sacrifice"

Day by day, every time you suffer something with or because of your aging parent(s), every time immediately intercede for them, talk to our Heavenly Father about it, ask Jesus to have mercy on your aging parent(s), and join Jesus in praying for your aging parent(s). You can offer the Divine Mercy Chaplet for your aging parent(s); it only takes a few minutes. Every big or little thing willingly endured out of love... every prayer... every gesture of kindness... is an agreeable offering to God, and this regular practice makes us into a "living sacrifice pleasing to God" according to Saint Paul in his Letter to the Romans 12:1.

You can fast and offer penances to God on behalf of your aging parent(s), but offering your participation at Holy Mass is the most powerful thing you can do for them. Know that your personal prayers, fasts, and penances you offer for your aging parent(s) are the most powerful acts you can make on their behalf.

In time, when they are ready, your aging parent(s) will also experience the graces you now enjoy, and they too will learn to put their trust in God instead of in earthly things.

Peace to you and your family. Through the communion of saints, I am glad to join you in praying for your aging parent(s).

Remember to ask our Blessed Mother Mary, Queen of Peace, to also join you in praying for your aging parent(s). "Mother Mary, pray for us. Thank you, Mother Mary." "Saint Joseph, just man and foster father of Jesus our Saviour, pray for us."

Christ is risen, alleluia!

                                                   Pax + Caritas,       Fr. Gilles

    

                      Fr. Gilles A. Surprenant – Associate Priest of the Madonna House Apostolate

 

                         "Were not our hearts burning within us as He talked to us on the road

                                              and explained the Scriptures to us?"  Luke 24:32

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My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian witnesses and writers in reflecting on life, encounters, and various situations, in a desire to enhance our understanding of what it means to be a missionary disciple of Jesus Christ at the service of the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2024 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2024 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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