There are more affluent people than ever in human history; yet why are they / we so miserable? The original sin as rebellious selfish will still pulls at us.

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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Does affluence impede human happiness?

Our current generations living upon the face of the Earth are, arguably, the most affluent in human history. After the great inequalities caused by the industrial revolution that favored the holders of capital and the levers of industry, after World War II the justice and labor movements created a huge middle class rivaling the best of either ancient, medieval, or contemporary societies. As a result the people of other nations envied the West or wanted to go there.

Other nations have emulated western economies and have brought reforms to their own populations, raising their standards of living. Ironically, during this same period of time, our affluent societies have suffered incredible social disintegration and misery in countless forms. Unfortunately, or fortunately as the case may be, the favorable conditions that brought general affluence in the mid 20th century are now quickly evaporating, causing the rich upper crust to expand exponentially along with the poor lower segments; while the middle class melts away.

If we take a step back we could say there is general agreement that human beings want to live a happy and abundant life. We quickly disagree as soon as we try to define what life in abundance means, what happiness can be, what are the best means of getting there, and what do we do with it once we have it.

Those who accept the teaching and try to follow the example of Jesus of Nazareth come to understand that what we all need to do in order to have life and have it in abundance, as God our Father and Creator intends, is to follow Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior in the way of life He has opened up for us.

Jesus preached that God offers us his Holy Spirit to help us realize and choose ways of living in accord with the Father's love and will for us. The Holy Spirit, even in the consciences of those who don't know or believe in God, works within human them to guide them in harmony with our human nature and the ways of the Creator and to shed light on the ways in which we are not living in accord with God's ways because to do so goes against our own nature. Faith in God helps us understand that opposing the Father's will opens paths that lead to dead ends, even though at first they may seem very promising or attractive.

That is why Jesus' very first words He spoke in public were "Repent, and believe the Good News. The kingdom of God has come near to you and is here." Jesus explained that there are two kingdoms existing simultaneously in our world: the kingdom of this world and the kingdom of God.

Going with the flow is deadly - we need to carefully choose our path, or paths, in life.

When Jesus was tempted by the devil in the desert we see how the devil presented himself as the prince of this world. At times Jesus referred to the devil as the prince of this world, because he is. In order to tempt Him the devil showed Jesus in a kind of vision a glimpse of the glory, power, and wealth of all the kingdoms of this world and offered to give them all to Jesus if Jesus would bow down and worship him.

Jesus didn't call him a liar, which the devil is anyway, because for once he told at least part of the truth. All the things of this world are under the influence of the devil and he has power over them, and he uses the goods of this world to seduce the minds and hearts of people and turn them away from good and from God. The devil tempted Jesus to be powerful in order to succeed in his mission, but Jesus knew the Father sent Him into the world to be just like us, human, mortal, weak; so that He could encourage us and show us the way to God and to abundant life in God's love.

God's unique design of human beings

When God created human beings He designed us different, male and female, and it is together that we are made in the image and likeness of God. In other words, we most resemble God our Father when we accept to relate to one another and to love one another in a self-giving sacrificial love. Jesus made this most visible in the way He put himself completely at the service of others, especially sinners and the poor, and in the way He accepted to surrender his life so that all humanity might see how far God is willing to go in order to demonstrate his love and in order to attract us to Himself. This is because it is only by living a life in communion of mind and heart, body and soul, with God and with our neighbor that we can enter into the fullness of life here on Earth and in Heaven.

The differences between women and men are everywhere in our lives and relationships. Our differences provoke the other to make an effort to become a better self, a better person. The other's differences challenge our good will to become deeper, our love to become more sincere, our generosity to become more complete. In the end, the greatest act of love is to lay down our life for the other, for others. The true test of how much we love God, whom we cannot see, is to love our neighbor, whom we can see. Jesus commanded us not to put limits on how much we love, accepting to forgive without counting the number of times and even extending forgiveness to enemies. Rather than hate enemies Jesus commands us to love them (we don't have to like them)l To love them simply means to actively desire their good. So we ask God to bless our enemies and in his mercy to turn them around to become good and loving.

Our Creator's design for humanity has at the heart a plan for human family, and the original path to family that is most fully in accord with our design as human beings, is through marriage as the union of one man and one woman in complete self-giving, generosity, fidelity, exclusivity (with no room for any other partners), and for life - for the full duration of their life on earth - and lived out in complete openness to the transmission of life, doing nothing to block or prevent God from making them fruitful through attempts to "tame" or "stifle" their human fertility. God designed marriage and family to have no limits imposed by human beings, leaving God free to bless the married couple and their family as fully as He wants. The more human beings attempt to control life, the more we end up strangling it, squeezing the vitality out of it.

Do we follow God or do we act in accord with our own will?

Today people attempt to approach the couple experience and the life of a household outside of this original design of the family by the Creator. To the extent they are good people and make of their lives a gift of selfless love and service for the other and for children that come along; then to that extent they can experience the love that God has for every human being. This is true whether or not they know or believe in God, because it is the basic design imprinted by God on our human nature from the beginning. (Cf. The Book of Genesis in the Hebrew and Christian Bible.)

However, whenever a human union of love is not between one man and one woman, but another combination of persons; then they cannot experience the full benefit and blessing God intends for the marriage of one man and one woman for life and for the children generated by their mutual love and self giving. When married couples find themselves infertile and opt instead to adopt, they generally quickly overcome their fears and discover they can love their adopted child as well as though they had generated this child themselves. Perhaps adopting requires a special quality of selflessness in the love they pour out upon this child which, by being chosen and adopted, changed from being a stranger into their very own child.

When children come along without being generated by their own father and mother, through a variety of conception technologies or through adoption, God still loves each child as his own. However, a child not generated by the natural union of their mother and father is deprived of the loving union of their parents and of the imprint of love this union would have left upon them from the very moment of their conception.

The adults adopting, or conceiving artificially through technological intervention, and receiving that child will hopefully love that child with unconditional love and to that extent the child will thrive. Still, whenever children don't benefit from the presence, love, and care of both a mother and a father, and don't experience the love that their mother and father have for each other as well as for their children; then there are dimensions of development and blessing that the Creator cannot bestow to the extent that the model of that family remains deficient or lacking one of the elements originally and forever intended by the Creator in his original complete and complementary design of one woman and one man for life.

The design of the Creator is always oriented toward a fullness, an extravagant abundance, which we choose to limit at our own peril. Whenever we find ourselves limiting God's options through no fault of our own, of course we can always count on God's mercy to fill in the gaps in our situation and experience, providing we do all we can to live and serve others in accord with the ways of the Lord, in accord with the moral principles the Creator has embedded within our human nature and consciousness where they await our curiosity to discover and our willingness to adopt and practice them.

Previous generations still had respect for God and valued each human life.

In the past, say until just before World War II, most societies in recent centuries on Earth lived for the most part in accord with these principles, as did many of the ancient societies and civilizations. Notable exceptions were societies and cultures where human sacrifices were practiced or that were organized around adult sexual practices and preferences rather than around the rearing and good of the children. Whenever societies, cultures, clans, or families diverged from these principles they in some instances at least realized they were doing so and continued to hold these principles in high regard in the hope of being able to live in accord with them once again in the future.

People had great respect for the power of human fertility and avoided sexual activity out of fear and respect for their fertility and out of respect for life and for the other. Men who were real men respected women, and women who were real women respected men. At the very least they held human fertility in fear of the unknown and of the power made manifest in the procreation of offspring. Whether or not people were religious, they tended generally to acknowledge the existence of God, of a Creator, and they had deep respect for the Creator and his power that watches over all of our realities.

Rebellion from God is endemic to humanity since the "original sin". Its form varies over time.

In the 1700's there was introduced into Europe a way of thinking or philosophy that chose another path, diverging from that of respect for God and for our human nature and fertility. Instead they chose to ignore God and consider that everything is only up to us human beings, as if we are god ourselves. Slowly this way of thinking began to spread, and with the rapid development of industrialization in the 1800's the century of the 1900's saw all kinds of horrors that were the result of people living as though there is no God, or if there is one, as if he is powerless and not really a god or as if he doesn't care what we do.

From the Enlightenment and Industrial Revolution of the 18th century until today, this new mentality that came over the whole world, one nation after another, reduced human life to a commodity, something we can buy or sell or kill or do what we want with it, thinking that there will be no consequences anyway. Millions were killed in the name of political ideologies under fascism, communism, and extremism of various forms in the 20th century, and this trend is continuing in our own day with fundamentalist terrorism. Closer to home, our consumerism has caused us all to value the life of comfort, abundance and security so much that contraception has become a normal activity and part of married and family life.

The so called "sexual revolution" initiated an attack on our personal integrity by degrading the value of our human fertility.

In 1960 "the pill" was approved for contraceptive use, and it became an instant hit. Married or unmarried, people flocked to its use to the point that it has become taken for granted that it is necessary for a woman's health for her to use it. This "chemical revolution" begs the question: "Just because we can do a thing does not necessarily mean we may do it or should do it; so, what are we doing to ourselves when we contracept? What are the immediate and long term consequences to both women and men who contracept?

Women who contracept do it because they believe it is good for them, and so do men. Even when women aren't so sure it's good for them to use the pill, often there is pressure from the man or men in their lives expecting them to take it. Even to this day it is universally believed that the pill is good for woman and anyone who speaks against it is reviled as a woman hater, or misogynist, ignorant, or worse.

Ironically, that which in the human body of both men and women for millennia was given respect and held in awe as our awesome human power of fertility and reproduction, with the advent of the pill, that same awesome faculty of our human fertility has come to be feared, despised, or held in contempt, and treated as a disease, a condition to be medicated, to be controlled or subjugated with medicine; like any other disease or medical condition.

We humans have become a species laboring towards its own annihilation.

Another practice which in various forms has existed from the dawn of human history in various places and time, but was always generally seen as evil, is the practice of abortion. In ancient Greece under certain circumstances people would leave a newborn baby out in the wilderness to be consumed by the wild beasts in order to be free from having to keep and care for the child, whether it was healthy or not. When it became a challenge for the existence of a whole tribe under extreme circumstances to care for the vulnerable, the infirm, elderly, and babies were abandoned to the wild in order that they not slow down the tribe in its quest to find safety; lest they hold the tribe back and cause everyone to die of starvation or exposure to extreme cold or heat.

In our day, despite that our western society is the most comfortable, secure, and affluent society the Earth has ever seen, not only is contraception practiced by almost everyone, but abortion has also become widespread, most of the time merely because a child would be inconvenient. Human life has lost its value in our eyes. We thought Hitler's Nazi movement four generations ago was terrible for exterminating Jews and dissidents but also the elderly, the infirm, the handicapped, and those with deformations or mental impairments. Now we do the same or worse as a society and don't even think twice about it.

God never abandons his creatures, his human children.

No matter how far we humans may stray away from our Creator, He never abandons us. God loves us and He is not silent. He speaks to us in our conscience; even though because of the original sin we are inclined not to pay attention, but instead to ignore it, and eventually, no longer to hear that inner voice. God also speaks to us through other means: through his inspired Word in the Sacred Scriptures. The Bible used to be available only to those who had education and were wealthy. Bibles were collections of scrolls made of papyrus or lamb skin, which were very expensive. The sacred texts were carefully copied and hand written, which took a monk close to a lifetime just to make one complete Bible. In addition, for much of the past two thousand years, the Bible only existed in the original languages from the time of Jesus: the Holy Land languages of Aramaic and Hebrew, and also the Empire languages of Greek and Latin.

After the Apostolic Age, ordinary people didn't know the ancient biblical languages and so couldn't read God's Word but could only hear it in Church, and even then, it was often proclaimed in those languages, which the people did not understand anyway. The first attempt to translate the Sacred Scriptures into the language of the people was by the monk St. Jerome who translated the Bible into Latin, the language of citizens of the Roman Empire. He lived from the mid 4th century to the early 5th century (347-420). So the Scriptures became intelligible to the faithful whose language was Latin; just as those who spoke Greek could understand the Scriptures when they were read in Greek in those churches that later self-identified as Orthodox.

When the Good News spread to other peoples who spoke other languages, once again the Word of God became unintelligible. One of the benefits of the Protestant Reform is that some Reformers undertook to translate the Bible into the language of their own people: such as in German by Martin Luther and in English by John Wycliffe. Still, in the Roman Catholic Church the Sacred Scriptures continued to be read in Latin in many churches, as were the prayers of the Holy Mass, which over time was no longer the language of the people.

This is why over the past several centuries, as the Holy Rosary and meditation on the Mysteries of the Rosary developed in popularity, it became a devotion of the people to enable them to pray when they attended Holy Mass in Church; while the various ministers occupied themselves with the Latin prayers and readings from the Bible. The Sacred Liturgy the Roman Catholic Church only came to be celebrated in the languages of the people in modern times in the mid 1960's. Before then, earlier liturgical reforms introduced the publication and spreading of affordable missals. These enabled people to follow the Holy Mass with the Latin on the left side and their own language on the right side. That was the kind of missal I grew up with in the 1950's and 1960's.

Now it is possible not only to own a paper Bible in hard bound or soft cover, which are quite affordable, but it is even possible to find the whole Bible on the Internet with free access. Here is a link to the New Revised Standard Version which is mostly used in our Lectionary for Mass since the latest reforms and revisions to the Roman Missal and its Lectionary. Just click on the "Book List" near the top and it opens up the Old and New Testaments - you select a book and then below there opens up a table with the numbered chapters of that book and you click on one of the chapters and it opens up for you. Amazing!

There's another way in which God is not silent. He speaks to us through Jesus, then through the Apostles Jesus sent into the whole world, and then those they sent as their successors who are the bishops, and finally the priests the Lord sends through our bishops to be our pastors and spiritual guides and confessors.

In 1968 God inspired Pope Paul VI to write a beautiful text as an eloquent reflection on human and divine love. "Humanae Vitae" (Of Human Life) is all about God's love which He has poured into our very nature as human beings. Our Creator has revealed his love, bestowed upon us as life giving gift, in the capacity He as Creator has given to us women and men to love one another generally and, in particular, to love one another in Marriage and family life in a way that is open to generate life and form children selflessly with a servant's heart in. He also warned that the use of contraception would harm us.

From childhood on we often choose to ignore warnings even at our own peril.

He warned that contraceptives would artificially "tame" the wondrous power of human fertility and we would lose our respect for our sexuality and human fertility. Women would lose respect for their own body under the illusion that they could control and tame it to serve their own will and desires, and they would also lose respect for men and their power to make their fertility bear fruit and conceive.

Men would also lose respect for their own body and would succumb to the temptation to pleasure themselves; they would also lose respect for women in general and for their wife in particular, because now her fertility being tamed, they could take her and draw pleasure from her whenever they wanted. Great now would be the danger and risk that men would perceive women as objects to be used for their own pleasure and no longer as persons.

Pope Paul VI found it difficult to issue these warnings because he loved people so much and in particular he loved young people and married couples so much. Still because of this love he knew it was necessary to issue these warnings because he could already see all around him and all over the world the devastating effects and consequences of losing respect for our lives, bodies, and sexuality, of losing respect for one another and reducing others to objects of pleasure, and finally of losing our respect for God the Creator who bestows upon us our life and fertility as great and valuable gifts to be used with great respect and reverence and gratitude. As our culture of respect would dwindle; so would our expression of gratitude to God. People would stop going to church, stop praying, stop treating God as real and as worthy of our love and worship. Trusting only in ourselves, we would no longer trust in God.

Pope Paul VI warned that the practice of contraception and the degeneration of our attitudes towards ourselves, others, and God would cause Marriage and family life to disintegrate, that divorces would multiply, and that the very thought of giving one's life to another would no longer appear as a value. We would all degenerate into a society where it is everyone for himself or herself, which is nothing less than the law of the jungle.

Sadly, Pope Paul VI's warnings fell on deaf ears. Priests and even bishops expressed angry dissent against this teaching, implying that the Pope was ignorant or naive, that he didn't understand the modern reality and the pressures people were experiencing. Until he died ten years later on August 6th, 1978, the Feast of the Transfiguration, Pope Paul VI suffered a real martyrdom in the contempt with which he was treated by clergy, laity, and even bishops. Even sadder is the reality that all his warnings came true and were realized. So many marriages break up, so much misery multiplies everywhere, so many lives end in abortion before they even have a chance to live, to breathe, to see the sun, and to discover that God loves them. We who should welcome with much reverence and gratitude these new and innocent little lives, we instead think only of ourselves and "snuff them out". Abortion is nothing less than murder and is always an extremely violent and painful act for the unborn baby, no matter its stage of development. The facts speak for themselves.

In the face of all these troubles we are, all of us, poor beggars on our knees before the Lord, imploring Him to have mercy upon us, and He loves us so much that He is eager to overlook our faults and forgive our sins. As Jesus said on Earth to those who were accused by the authorities of public sin and scandal, now He says the same to us, "Your sins are forgiven you. Now go, and sin no more, lest something worse happen to you."

Jesus was sent by the Father to restore our life in harmony with our Creator

We can see from the life, ministry, passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus that the restoration of humanity to personal integrity, harmony with others and Creation, and communion with God the Holy Trinity is not a quick fix or instantaneous process. Jesus healed many people, but illness continues to be common on Earth. He raised some from the dead but they were still mortal and one day died for good. The final resurrection is God's promise for the end of time and we have no choice but to trust in the promise He revealed in Jesus' own resurrection and in the assumption of his Mother Mary. We'll just have to wait for it. Jesus forgave the sins of many, but we continue to be sinners prone to sin, inclined to go our own way and turn away from God.

We humans are quite impulsive and prefer to look for rapid outcomes. We hate to wait and prefer to take matters into our own hands and to make things happen quickly. We are loath to do things the way God has planned. We don't want to be tied down by someone else's plans or will. We don't want to depend on others and prefer to do things ourselves. Although we often use our free will to refuse, the fact that we have free will is our chief resemblance to our Father. He freely chose, out of love, to create the Universe and to create us. He created us in his own image and likeness, male and female He created us, with the freedom to choose to love as we are loved and have been loved. We wouldn't truly be free to love if we were not able to refuse to love, but exercising that capacity to refuse is what gets us into trouble.

Like little children who quickly discover the power contained in the little word "No", we more often than not say "No" to God. Still, salvation has been opened up for all of humanity by Jesus. Even people who don't know God, or having heard about Him don't believe in Him, have within their conscience the capacity to pick up on the light and guidance offered by the Holy Spirit to lead each of us towards the Father and the life He offers us.

On the one hand, it is entirely up to each of us to tune in to the Holy Trinity's call and inspiration to open up to the life they offer to share with us. On the other hand, we are not entirely on our own and can lean on the Lord, and call on Him to be our strength in our weakness, to empower us to love when we are afraid to do so, and to forgive us our sins when we falter and fall or turn away from God, only to come to our senses later in regret and sorrow.

If there is so much misery among men it is primarily because of our poor choices and our turning away from the path that leads to God and that opens us to one another. If only we turn to Him and, dying to our own self-importance and self-obsession, we accept to put our trust in Him and to serve others out of genuine love; then God will continuously pour into us his own Spirit and we will be able to face every difficulty and endure every suffering with the same patience, peace, trust, and devotion with which Jesus lay down his life out of love for all of humanity in obedience to his Father.

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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How do we discern God's calling in our daily lives? Q & A - Wanting to "be special" versus giving meaning and purpose to our lives.

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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It is perhaps a challenge for human beings to distinguish from our own awareness, thoughts, feelings, and intuitions within ourselves the real and distinct presence, action, and voice of God. Can we distinguish our regular lives from life becoming special by God's action and power?

All life is "regular" until, precisely, one opens up to God, in whatever way one can. From that moment on a person's life becomes more explicitly spiritual and enters into the supernatural realm, that is, open to God's presence and influence. All life is special because it is particularly wanted and loved by God. When it is truly God's grace at work one of the signs of authenticity is that the person is aware of being blessed, has a sense of unworthiness, but is predominantly grateful and eager to do the will of God, to please Him. A person blessed and led by God doesn't want to shine in the limelight but on the contrary prefers to remain in the background and let God get all the glory.

In the oldest Christian traditions - Roman Catholic and Orthodox - Holy Mary, the Mother of Jesus Son of God, for example, was totally surprised by the annunciation of the Archangel Gabriel and that God would choose her. She had no thoughts at all about her own importance and was on the contrary quite humbled by the message and by God's choice of her. She remained humble her whole life, content to be in the background; yet at the same time doing her part to support her Son and later the Apostles and disciples, and especially through pondering the things of the Lord and praying alone and with others.

Excessive preoccupation with wanting to be special or to shine indicates preoccupation with one's own self rather than openness and awareness of God or a desire to know and to do his will. On the other hand, it may happen that in advance of giving a special grace and calling, God may spark within a soul a desire for more, which may appear at first as dissatisfaction with the way things are. Over time, the intensification of the desire takes up more room and pushes out sentiments and attitudes of selfishness and sin, purifying and making more room for what it is that God wants to give. God's timing is always perfect and He knows best what we need in order to embrace his will.

At times, in the accomplishment of his holy will and plan for the common good of humanity and the particular good of each person God assigns to a person a particular role for others, or for the Church, or for humanity, or simply for their family or Parish community or neighborhood or place of work or school or.... How God works is often simply to infuse a little of his own wisdom into a person's normal human thoughts, feelings, and intuitions or insights.

What is primary is the glory of God, that is, that it be universally known that God is real, that He always acts for our best interests and for the common good, and the what is best is that this truth and good news about God we widely spread, understood, and embraced. The more human beings embrace and act for the glory of God the more rapidly his goodness and offer of abundant life can touch and bless the lives of human beings.

From the beginning as recorded in the Book of Genesis God our Creator has intended that human beings live our life on Earth in a true partnership and friendship with God. The original sin was to turn our back on God to prefer a stranger's novel ideas and our own preference or will in opposition to the will God has made known to us for our own welfare and the common good and the glory of God.

Whether it is a person's first and fundamental life vocation - such as marriage and family, or priesthood, or religious life, or consecrated virginity for the sake of the Kingdom, or simple celibacy in the world - or a calling constituting a profession or work or activity - such as medicine, social work, teaching, business in accord with moral and divine principles, arts or communication, and so on - in either case, the first or fundamental calling is about dedicating one's life to a particular cause and in a particular life style. God grants the grace for us to remain faithful to this calling, no matter what may change or arise.

Sometimes there can come from God a "call within a call" such as what happened to Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta. She was happy and faithful and very dedicated as a Sister of Loretto teaching girls that for the most part came from privileged families in India. God disturbed her with awareness of how much the poor were suffering which provoked in her a desire to do something to alleviate their suffering.

One thing led to another and she in time received permission to test out her desire by going out among the poor for a probationary period. Then as it went well her probation was extended from one year to three years. During that time her second calling became confirmed in the fruitfulness of her efforts and intensification of her desire and God gave her the intuition to seek to be released from the Loretto Sisters to found a new congregation and the Vatican approved. When there is external confirmation by the Church then a person can finally know for sure that it is God's will. Until the approval, Sister Teresa only had her personal conviction but she could not be sure that she was doing God's will and was not being deceived or misled by her own ego or worse. With the formation of the Congregation of the Missionaries of Charity Sister Teresa became Mother Teresa.

What does it mean when some impossible prayers are answered?     This is the simplest way to know that God is at work. We can do the possible, while God alone does the impossible. However the Lord did warn in the Book of Revelation that the evil one would work wonders to deceive and lead away from God even the elect. So we must always remain humble and wait on the Lord, putting Him first and not our ego or own desires. As Saint Paul wrote and taught, we must "test the spirits", that is, we must constantly discern and test our impressions to allow God to confirm what is coming from Him and what is not.

We humans can be inclined to seek for "signs" from God. What are the greatest outward signs?        The sacraments are the greatest outward signs in which God pours out his own substance, his own divine life. There is a time and place for God to give signs, but for the most part, He wants us to use our brains, to make good use of the intelligence and responsibility and free will that He has given us, always with humility, and pondering the wonders of the Lord as Mary did, and waiting on the Lord as Mary and all the saints did. Even Jesus waited on the Father when He first attempted to do the Father's will and was left in the Temple at the age of 12. When Mary and Joseph found Him He returned home with them and remained hidden until He was 30 when, called by the Father through the preaching and baptizing of his cousin John the Baptist, Jesus began his public ministry. He was very patient.

How can we understand having personal dreams with apparently deep spiritual and practical applications in our life and our family's life?        Saint Joseph's dreams were powerful because it was God who needed to confirm Joseph in the will God wanted him to carry out for the glory of God and the salvation of humanity. For normal people like us God can use dreams to nudge us in a direction, or to disturb us and open a possibility, but we must always discern and test such things over time and not be in a hurry. It is hazardous to jump when you can't see what's in front of you... it could be any kind of danger; so it is best to wait until God makes it undeniably clear.

What about when we come to have a general sense of closeness to Jesus throughout the day and always?        True closeness to Jesus is what the Father wants for everyone and this is holiness, the state of grace. However, emotionally, one need not feel that at all. On the contrary, Saint Mother Teresa almost from the beginning of her work with the poor felt, until she died, abandoned by God. That is how she felt emotionally and spiritually, but He did not abandon her. On the contrary the Holy Trinity was intimately at work constantly in and through her, and it was to keep her simple and humble and safe from attacks of the evil one on her soul that God withdrew emotional and spiritual consolations and left her feeling desolate. This is the mystery of how God works in human souls. He is supreme and He does his will, not ours, and it is always for the best for us, for others, for humanity, for the Church, for our family, for the community, and for the glory of God.

How can one know if one is being called to something very great?        If it is truly God at work, He will gives us the awareness and knowledge that we need in order to be faithful to his will, but nothing more. To use Star Wars terminology, to be overly preoccupied with greatness is probably a path that leads to the "dark side", that is, away from the true light which is God, the radiance of divine love. Only selfless sacrificial love is truly great, that is the greatest thing in the universe, which shows that Jesus' offering of Himself at the hands of his persecutors, like a humble and trusting lamb to allow the Father to accomplish his plan for our salvation, is the greatest thing in the universe.

What if a person is being called to something great but hesitates not out of insecurity in God, but because of the plain desire to live out a "normal life"?  All good actions generally involve a cost to the person doing them; so it is normal for human beings doing or called to do the great acts of selfless sacrificial love to be tempted to escape the cost, the effort, the suffering associated with serving others and God. Married people are tempted to be single again and just take care of themselves, priests and religious are tempted to escape their regimented lives and just look after their own needs and desires, and so it goes.

Can a person be called to something maybe even "biblical"?      This could mean anything. What is truly biblical is walking with the Lord humbly, hidden from the eyes and ears of others. When God is truly putting divine pressure on someone, like the prophets, it is like Saint Paul wrote: a burning in his soul requiring him to proclaim the Word of the Lord or if he didn't he would burst. When people are psychologically imbalanced and caught up within the traps and wounds of their own ego self, they may easily be inclined to misinterpret their imaginings and feelings for the real thing, but they are not. When we are not healthy in every way - physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually - it seems unfortunately easy to mistake our imaginings for God's intervention.

However, it is not without hope. Many of the saints started out neurotic or even with psychotic breaks, but because the Lord was truly working in them, and they sincerely attended to pondering the Word of God - both by listening to Him at Holy Mass and also reading Him when they had access to the Sacred Scriptures - then God worked with and through their precarious or fragile state in order to manifest his power and loving mercy. It is universally true that the saints counted first and foremost on opening themselves to God through the sacraments: frequent Confession, frequent when not daily Communion, frequent prayer and contemplation, at times of grave illness the Anointing of the Sick, and just as importantly, manifesting the fruit of God's presence in them through abundant and generous works of mercy and charity especially to the poor, the sick, the elderly, the abandoned, and all persons in need, beginning of course with their own family and other obligations.

That is why many or most of the saints cannot be imitated in the unfolding of their lives, because in the earlier years they were often not completely balanced, but only in their practice of the faith, of hope in God, and of practical works of charity. It is only how a person is at the natural end of their life and what sort of spiritual fruit and the quantity of fruit in the service of others that we can look back and see the hand of God at work, which gives all the glory to Him, and reveals the saint as a truly humble instrument of God.

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Eroticization and the unique developmental process of human persons - part 2 with conclusion

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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This is part 2 in a reflection on human sexuality following on part 1 which was originally posted January 14, 2014. Here were some titles in this original post of January 14, 2014 - Sexual abuse 1 - by clergy the tip of the iceberg

Sexual abuse is a crime against humanity

 The complex nature of the human person and sexuality 

 Sex is good, yes, but not in every instance

 Why do people pervert sex into violence?

 The beauty and power of human sexuality 

 Human sexual development requires mentoring

 Wandering away from the original design

 Exquisitely sensitive spouses or dangerous rapists

 Human development is a long and complicated process

Human development - becoming a person 

 Most of us have some "wrinkles" in our development 

May 20, 2016 I took this original post from January 14, 2014 on sexual abuse and re-framed it as a reflection with a focus on our unique developmental process as human beings with particular interest in the role of the process of eroticization in our development and growth as persons. Two additional titles were added to the original 11 to add the perspective of human development. It is helpful to realize and admit that clergy sexual abuse is in actual fact only the tip of the iceberg in human society. As it turns out the vast majority of cases of sexual and other forms of abuse take place wherever human beings are to be found and, in particular, wherever human beings are to be found in a vulnerable position with regards to others more powerful than they are. Fr. Gilles Surprenant 

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Human development and the role of eroticization

It would be interesting to dialogue with readers who have questions or comments on what has preceded as well as what is to follow or, for that matter, on all that is to be found in this blog.

Human beings develop into persons over a long period of time

It is admittedly impossible to thoroughly understand our human nature, including our sexuality, and even less in its distorted forms, unless we acquire a more fundamental and evidence-based grasp of what we are as human beings and how we become the beings we are whether at our best or at our worst. What are the many factors that enhance our free will to live lives of purpose and integrity on the one hand or on the other hand debilitate that ability and cause us to become mere shadows of what and who we might be, shameful or even dangerous counterfeit human beings?

In beginning this series of reflections on human sexuality and development we at first looked at the horror of sexual abuse as the distortion that it obviously is and then in contrast to it we opened this exploration to the broader vista of human development. Our premise is that we are not born fully developed but develop into the people we become over many years.

There seems to be broad consensus in the human sciences and in society at large that the early years in the womb and infancy are crucial for our development as persons and that our developmental process "closes the loop" as it were by the time we enter into early adulthood. As we consider human sexuality as it is experienced in the current landscape of human society we observe much confusion and pain around sexuality and sexual activity and expression. Even the casual observer can suspect the real existence of a very complex and protracted human developmental process which takes at least 25 years to run its full course.

Human development is a process generating a broad spectrum of characters

Professional anthropologists study artifacts left behind by people who lived in the past or those of people currently alive in various places on the Earth. Those now living can also be observed in the various moments, activities, social structures and practices and anthropologists formulate theories about those they observe, about how aware they are of themselves, how they see themselves, the meaning and purpose they give to their lives, and how they understand their place in the world.

In looking at our own lives and generations, at our own societies, we observe our human capacity for complex personal development, activity, and self-awareness, our profound capacity for reflection and understanding, and our unique capacity to be aware of our faults and to be willing to correct them. On the dark side we are also capable of ignoring self-awareness, of denying our own faults, and  instead of imposing on or attempting to dominate others. The contrast between the saint and the sociopath or psychopath illustrates this wide spectrum of possible human characters and personalities.

The  natural human family composed of a husband/father and a wife/mother with children

At one end of the spectrum of human life we find that the place given to human sexuality is merely as one of many refined dimensions of life. In the loving, faithful, fruitful, and committed relationship of a wife and her husband in marriage as a partnership of equals and a community of life and love, their human sexuality manifests a broad range of expression characterized by tenderness in a variety of relational contexts: towards each other, with children, their own parents and siblings, and others. For such a couple genital sexuality is always about their fertility and power to give life while it is also always about expressing and strengthening their union as persons joined in a unique couple.

Rather than seeking or grasping for pleasure, the husband seeks to pleasure his wife, to whom he attaches himself out of appreciation and gratitude for the multiple ways in which she pours herself out for him and their children as one who gives and nourishes life. His selfless efforts in the bridal chamber are consistent with his efforts each day and all week to attend to his wife and children. He notices each person and attends to them in accord with the nature and needs of each one and in this he greatly values the observations and judgement of his wife and mother of their children.

The tenderness with which she cleaves to her husband expresses her appreciation for his presence, his efforts on her behalf and that of their family, and his consideration and attentiveness to her needs as she forgets herself in pouring out her life energy for those she loves. She values his role in their joint parenting of their children, and she senses the importance of his role as each child develops a sense of identity, of their gender, and that they are loved.

The friendship and manifestly loving relationship of the couple is the solid foundation of their family, in which children are mentored by both a father and a mother and are supported in their individual and collective developmental processes as infants, children, adolescents, youth, and young adults living in the communal context of their own family of origin.

While explicit genital sex does not feature overly prominently in such a universe of marriage and family life; it nevertheless is ever in the background and enjoys a valuable but discrete place as the wholesome expression of the tenderness and affection bonding their parents to each other and open to them as their children. In such a family, human sexuality is appropriately protected and safeguarded by an air of privacy, mystery, responsibility, and mutual respect.

These parents are open yet guarded on sexual issues, taking care to properly form and inform their children at appropriate teaching moments, yet taking care to protect - especially in their early more vulnerable years - their children's innocence of mind, heart, and imagination. From their point of view, our modern social climate and culture is a battleground littered with casualties, with children and youth who have been violated and robbed of innocence. All the more reason do such parents see the importance of their role in doing all they can to construct a lively and loving family environment which is at the same time communally rich and personally responsible.

Sex as the currency of human transactions tends to generate "sex wars" 

If parents find themselves with an obligation to protect the innocence of their children, it is because at the opposite end of the human spectrum we find the casualties of what we could call the "sex wars": those who have suffered, often from infancy, verbal, psychological, and even sexual abuse, or who suffered deficits of loving care, of compassion, of the essentials of human respect and kindness.

Even those who have benefited from proper human care as they grew up may have suffered the lack of proper formation and mentoring that could have helped them to begin to accept and understand themselves, their sexuality in all of its dimensions, and the natural place it has in the whole realm of human relationships in all their variety and complexity. This could happen in environments where the parent or parents suffer a lack of sufficient self-awareness, autonomy, knowledge, or responsibility, and hence engage in sexual activity as a form of currency for surviving or obtaining other goods, attention, influence, of even a position of dominance. Such deficits leave human persons isolated, or poor or raw and needy, and put them at risk to employ their sexuality to grasp as a drowning person might grab a lifesaver; rather than as a way to tenderly give of themselves to the other.

What place does human sexuality have in the emerging lives of young people?

A crucial question which acts as a "tipping point" in the human development of boys and girls into young men and women touches precisely on the place of sexuality in their consciousness. What has their experience of childhood and adolescence allowed them to understand is of greatest importance for them as human beings? Are they discovering as paramount their meaning, purpose, and dignity in life and have they begun to enjoy the freedom of will to go on giving meaning and purpose to their life by fully assuming their inherent human dignity?

In this context are they able to see, understand, accept, and responsibly assume their human sexuality as one dimension among many composing their nature as human beings? They begin to understand that human sexuality is a capacity to give of oneself to the other rather than an impulse to grab and use the other for oneself. This understanding enhances their free will to responsibly assume both their rights and duties in life and in society in view of making their personal contribution to the common good with satisfaction; while engaging in the course of living out their lives as fully as possible.

Here is the reverse side of this "tipping point". On the other hand, when people are not sufficiently formed and mentored by their parents to see, understand, accept, and appreciate their life as a good yet complex reality requiring ongoing learning and personal responsibility; they are at greater risk at a young age or later to be troubled by their human sexuality - from hormones to attractions - and by all that is to be observed in an impulsive society and culture and to be endured at the hands of others.

Even with optimum conditions in which to grow up from infancy to young adulthood, life presents us with any number of challenges to our understanding of life, the world, and society in general and to our self-understanding in particular. Whatever confusion or uncertainty assails us becomes a "hot point" or "sticking point" in our psyche and may remain with us as a problem to be solved or as a vacuum to be filled or again as a challenge to be taken up. Whatever the dynamic is in a young man's or woman's life may determine to a great extent one of the principle directions or orientations of their whole life. Our instinct of self-preservation or of survival tends to push us to resolve those issues that remain as an irritant in our psyche, in our mind or heart or spirit, or even in our physical body.

A preoccupation with illness or injury can drive a person into the medical field. Sensitivity to mental or emotional pain or confusion can drive a person into the related fields of psychiatry or psychology. An experience of emptiness or a single or series of spiritual experiences can drive a person towards related fields of religion, philanthropy, a religious vocation, pastoral ministry, or priesthood. A sense of loneliness can drive a person into some form of communal life or partnership or marriage. A good experience of family life can draw one to find a competent spouse with the complementary gifts of a mother to bear the children one would father or a father for the children one would bear as mother.

A turbulent, effervescent, and unstable culture exacerbates gender confusion

It is not difficult to find in any culture or time or place some men and women either demonstrably militant or more discretely unhappy with their traditionally assigned sexual identities or roles. We could perhaps say that our own western society and culture may perhaps be giving more prominence to gender identity issues than any preceding generations.

Gender confusion or uncertainty - affirmed more factually according to recent research - has been considered a normal but transitory and temporary phase for some children, adolescents, and even for some adults. To be more specific, it has been widely observed that children may spontaneously play "doctor" and explore one another's bodies. Adolescents may suddenly experience arousal at the sight of a same gender friend's physical features or nakedness. While a young person's sense of identity remains incomplete and fluid it can and does happen that they experience such physical arousal and corresponding emotions of attraction and affection. However, for the most part, it has been found that such experiences turn out to be temporary and fade or simply stop as youth continue to develop.

It is not difficult to understand how fluid an adolescent's self understanding may be and how volatile the changes can be in how they are aware of themselves, what that may mean to them, what place that has in their life history to this point, and what other factors may affect and change or affirm how they see, experience, and understand their own self and their life. In negotiating a labyrinth one may find many dead ends and backtrack to seek out a path that goes forward. So too in human development any number of human experiences turn out to be dead ends, accidents along the way, temporary stops but not final destinations.

It is scandalous that certain ideological stances taken by individuals and interest groups are lobbied to governments to impose on children in schools sex ed programs that are in fact propaganda designed to exploit children and youth in order to advance their social engineering agenda. Such self-interested voices seek to replace fact based and traditional understanding of human sexuality with libertarian ideologies promoting sexual exploration and experimentation without any consideration of moral, responsible, or religious principles that have been proved to be beneficial for the individual, for the family, and for society at large. These interests would want to "freeze" children and young people into "labelled" categories of sexual preference or gender rather than respect them and allow them to find their way. Most people throughout history have found their way to some degree of identification with their own gender, either to enter into marriage and family or some form of celibate living.

Developmental stages and the levels of human identity

The "Institut de Formation Humaine Intégrale de Montréal" in its formation programs adopted and has refined classic psychological theory and practice explaining the stages of development of the human person in terms of levels of identity, of which are six.

1. The body identity - from birth to one year of age
2. The identity of the doer - from one year to two and a half years
3. The individual identity - from two and a half to three years of age
4. The psychosexual identity - from three to six years of age
5. The psychosocial identity - from six to twelve years of age
6. The identity of the self - the integration of the human identity at all five previous levels into a single autonomous identity from twelve to eighteen years of age

From eighteen years of age on, the emerging personality goes through the various stages of adult human life, and much research has been done on the stages of adult life. It is very important for all to understand however that from conception to the dawn of adulthood each human being is engaged in the fundamental process of human development which unfolds as best it can. Children need support and understanding, and all those in a position to offer it need to understand that throughout these initial stages of human development the identity of the young person is fluid and in no way fixed.

The trend to redefine and "personalize" gender

The latest trend emerging from France is a whole theoretical or hypothetical philosophical discourse around human gender. The intention seems to be to call into question all that has been understood until now in human history around our gender identity as male or female. We have always known that there is a wide range of expression of "maleness" and "femaleness" among human beings and from one culture and ethnic population to another, from one century or millennium to another. These new ideologues would want to define such variations as entirely new "sexes" or "genders". There would even be some individuals who would want to claim to have "no gender" at all.

Human society seems to be unreasonably tolerant in entertaining such wild imaginings to the point of absurdity by allowing subjective feelings and imaginings to be taken as more real, substantive, and permanent than objectively known, observable, measurable, and definable facts. Only a fool would declare of no value the subjective human experience of life, but it is equally foolish to let subjective experience trump or nullify the cumulative value of our collective experience and knowledge.

Understandably, as children and adolescents experience confusion and uncertainty, it is tempting for them and for those concerned with their development, to want to find clarity to understand what they are experiencing and what is happening to them, including in their human sexuality. The logic at work in what is variously called the "gay lobby" or related movements seeks to define the human being primarily as a sexual being, giving priority to this dimension above all other characteristics and faculties that constitute the human being, the human person. In our time it is no longer unusual to hear adults encouraging young people who experience attraction to someone of their own gender to "lock themselves in" or label / identify themselves as homosexual: lesbian or gay or any of the increasingly numerous fractions of gender "à la carte".

What began some fifty years ago as an offshoot of the civil rights movement seeking to obtain for those who self identify as homosexual the kind of freedom and public recognition increasingly gained by racial or linguistic or ethnic minorities has become an audacious and ostensibly misguided quest to redefine human nature itself and the human person with sexuality as the keystone, the primary factor defining the whole. I don't think there can be any clarity in understanding what it means to be human without beginning with some understanding of the developmental process itself. Eroticization is one of the mechanisms involved in this developmental process and examining this mechanism will turn out to be very enlightening indeed.

We will find the process of eroticization at least a clue to why the current situation is what it is, how it has happened in our day that the trend to define oneself primarily in terms of one's sexuality has come to pass, and why our society and culture has become so obsessed with sex and sexuality.

 What is "eroticization"?

Various dictionaries don't really define the term eroticization but only repeat it in a grammatical loop, such as "to eroticize is to make erotic". Our culture has become so hypersexualized, so obsessed with all that touches on or evokes genital sexuality, that it can only go around in circles without input from other sources, such as the human sciences. Even some of these manifest signs of obsession with sex and sexual pleasure, such that other forms of pleasure have all but faded into insignificance. 

For our purposes here, let us adopt the definition employed at the I.F.H.I.M. mentioned above in the course of teaching and giving practical formation in the mechanisms of the human developmental process. In this context, eroticization is the mechanism whereby a human being from one moment to the next, from conception on but especially from birth, takes "imprints" from the outside world and connects these with its own interior sensations and processes. In Introductory Psychology there is the much quoted experiment of "Pavlov's Dogs" in which the dogs at first don't salivate upon seeing and smelling unknown foods but who later on do salivate upon seeing or smelling them after having eaten and tasted them. The initial experience of seeing, smelling, and then tasting the unknown food leaves a new "imprint" in the animal's conscious and neurological processes. 

Eroticization has taken place, that is, the pleasure principle has been activated and experienced and has left traces or pathways which from then on will tend to seek repetition. Eroticization connects the animal with the object of its pleasure, and in time, other circumstances may join in the association, such as the time of day, or the light in the room, or the color of the plate, or a particular sound, and so on. Almost anything can be caught up into an association with a particular pleasure, and the association may be intensified with use or eventually disassociated altogether through disuse.

The role of "eroticization" in becoming a human person

It is not difficult to understand how dangerous it would be not to enjoy eating or drinking. Should eating and drinking be unpleasant we would all be at risk of dying of hunger and thirst. From the very first moments of life newborns seek nourishment. Every one of the billions of cells in a living body crave the replenishing of nutrients, oxygen, and water, among other things, in order to continue all the biological processes that make up a living being.

In our day most people have seen graphic animations or other representations of how the human brain works with lightning like sparks running between the synapses and establishing connections and paths. Those physical and chemical processes correspond to the "associations" we make between the sight of a food, its fragrance, its taste, the pleasure we take from those sensations, the satisfaction that comes from taking in nourishment and drink, and the awareness we accumulate of all these factors. All of this experience further develops into desire, anticipation, and future planning for acquiring, preparing, and consuming food and drink.

The first experiences of various pleasures and the process of building on those pleasures with the development of memories and imagination grows into a cumulative experience we could call a process of eroticization. We all have a rich and increasingly long and deep experience of pleasures and these make innumerable "associations" with material objects, places, other people, sights, sounds, tastes, fragrances, and countless other factors.

A friend years ago explained to me how he had developed such a strong association between coffee and cigarettes that he could hardly have one without also taking the other. There is abundant literature about strange "sexual tastes or preferences or associations" such as with pain or particular garments and so on. Such associations may initially come about by accident or coincidence, but they may also come about by conscious intent and choice.

Human beings and societies have always understood that we are not machines with no choice but to operate as built, but living organisms with free will and the ability to "shape" our behaviors, tastes, preferences, and choices. Different ethnic populations and cultures manifest different preferences to be assigned to gender as male or female. These have been, until now, widely accepted as beneficial in helping young people to find their way to clarity of identity within themselves but also socially.

The pleasure principle certainly contributes largely to the development, health, and prosperity of the human person, but through interaction with family and wider social groups, individuals also learn to curb their desires to satisfy the pleasure appetites in favor of the good of other people in particular and of the common good in general. Morality and religion have a lot of accumulated knowledge and wisdom that assure sufficient harmony between individual personal growth and happiness and the common good of others in a great variety of groupings.

Inclinations and appetites for sexual pleasure - both the diffuse pleasure of simply being male or female with all their inherent processes and sensations and meanings and the specific experience of sexual pleasure and union - are very powerful and for this reason open up great potential for coming together on such paths as marriage and family, clan or tribe, and nation as well as for division and distress, trouble and hurt, fighting, war, and death. The potential and actual consequences of sexual union are so extreme that most if not all societies develop rules of conduct and taboos to restrain excesses for the sake of peace and cooperation. 

 Eroticization enhancing or disturbing the congruence of one's gender identity

Families and societies that take great care to watch over, protect, raise, and form their children do so in the knowledge that from birth to adulthood children and youth go through and live in progressive states of uncertainty, confusion, curiosity, delight or fear, and desire to grow and emulate their elders. So much of human life and culture has been discovered through hard lessons that there is very great advantage to learning through the experience of others. It is not necessary to constantly re-invent the wheel nor to go through all the pain that others have gone through.

Even with excellent upbringing and mentoring, young people still go through unique experiences and face unique challenges, and they must all make their own decisions and find their own way. They can choose to ignore the collective wisdom of their elders and culture but they must then accept to endure or enjoy the consequences of their choices. Those whose upbringing has faults or deficiencies may very well experience greater challenges or pain as they learn through their own mistakes.

There is wisdom in adhering to the lessons and example of mentors we admire, but it is foolish to take the risk of following ideological speculation and theorizing about artificial constructs around speculative re-definitions of human gender and sexuality. What is even more damaging than theory and thought is trying to put such speculation into practice. With how the eroticization process works there is great risk in "experimenting" with sexual practices because each erotic experience builds on others before it. It is equally possible for a person to build up wholesome sexual development or unhealthy sexual experimentation.

Catholic Christian experience and wisdom teaches that sexual union is so powerful that it is evidently designed to unify one woman and one man for life, exclusively, faithfully, generously, and lovingly. Casual sex or sexual experimentation or union without a life commitment eventually lead to breaking up and this is so painful that there is great risk that one may not recover. Even when one does recover what is lost is the original innocence and the human person's "built in" optimism and joyful outlook.

Employing one's sexual faculty outside the parameters of a chaste, exclusive, faithful, life long union of one man and one woman builds erotic associations, habits, preferences that make it increasingly difficult to enter into the eminently human and paradigmatic union of marriage and family. 

Distorted human beings - undeveloped or "petrified" persons

The more we fire those synapses, the more "beaten" the "path" in the brain, the stronger the impulse or habit becomes to repeat particular practices. Any and every use of our sexual faculty outside of marriage and family has been shown time and again to lead to excesses that lean rather to pain than to happiness, to division rather than to union, to the disintegration of family rather than its progress.

When sexual habits outside the "norm" of marriage and family proven to be the most beneficial for society become increasingly "fixed", a human being becomes hardened, distorted, or petrified. The life of marriage and family provides the ideal environment for human beings to develop more fully their sensibilities to the good and well being of others. In other words, it is in these environments that they are more likely to develop more fully as human persons. Engaging in our human appetites without restraint is dangerous for ourselves but also for others. It is true in many ways and at many levels that "it takes a village to raise a child".

The irreducible complexity of the human being

For the infinity of moments during which we were carried and thrived within the warm, comforting confines of our mother's womb we found ourselves, without awareness of course, on a long growth curve of development in our capacities, sensibilities, and development of responses. Researchers have established much evidence that in the womb we learn to recognize and distinguish our mother's from our father's voice. There develops a complex web of "conspiracy" between mother and child, and more remotely, between father and child.

While in the womb we are more "hemmed in" allowing for few if any options, once "liberated" from the womb or "expelled" from paradise - however each infant experiences it - or both, a vast universe of possibilities and options open up to each little newborn individual human being. A whole host of processes kick in at first separately and distinctly, but in time begin to "network" and interact with one another. All this is true within the individual, in addition to all the hubbub and chaos of all that goes on in the "outside" world as well, requiring the individual to make sense out of the contrast and convergence between the "inner" and the "outer" worlds.

Researchers and psychologists inform us that at birth the infant is still "one" with the mother and is not yet able to experience, much less understand, that there is any distinction between the two. When the infant "grabs" Mom it has the impression it is grabbing itself, because to this point, everything "is me". The infant is literally, though apparently mythically, at the center of its universe. Whenever it has new experiences that contradict this comforting mega truth that "all is me", such as when it draws its first breath which burns its lungs, or when it is slapped by a doctor from the "old school", or when it first experiences the pangs of hunger or the discomfort of a wet or dirty diaper, or any discomfort, the infant goes into distress and cries out. The longer it takes for the discomfort to be resolved the more urgently it cries out to the point, eventually, of turning purple and dying.

The "school of hard knocks" has begun.

As the infant's faculties develop and sharpen, its eyes begin to focus more clearly and responds to the stimulation of color, shape, and movement. The ears begin to notice sounds and distinguishes timber, volume, and impressions of pleasant or unpleasant sounds. The same happens to the senses of taste, touch, and in time, smell. Gradually, these senses interact with one another and complex associations of sense and sensibility form and construct pathways in the brain.

According to the stages of development, in the first year of life, the largest human organ the skin has each individual develop a preference for one of two body modes: active / captative or passive / receptive. This is the very basic and fundamental "body identity". As soon as the infant begins to feel hunger, the one that prefers to be active will begin to grab at the maternal breasts, while the one that prefers to be passive will wait to the very limits of patience. In both cases, once they reach their threshold of patience they will begin to whimper, and if that doesn't work they will cry, and if that still doesn't work they will scream, and so on. Luckily, both modes remain ever possible. The active can choose to be passive at need, and the passive can choose to be active at need, but for the rest of our lives, our preferred mode comes easily while the other will always require more effort and a deliberate decision.

As time goes by, the infant's cerebral development manifests itself with new abilities to remember, to experience pleasure and displeasure, to acquiesce and to refuse, to learn and to reason, to speak and to write, to calculate and imagine, to play and to work, to conceive of goals and desires, and to take steps to realize them, to experience disappointment and jubilation, to conceptualize the difference between present and absent (when Mommy disappears from view she still exists, contrary to previous experience), and the passage of time (Mommy will still exist later when she will return).

At the second stage of human development, that of the "doer" from the ages of one to two and a half, the toddler learns to do many things and begins to take in that there are rules in this game of life. In this family or home we do certain things and we don't do certain things (pull other people's hair). It is the age of potty training, and the anal sphincter affords the individual a new pair of preferences: either to retain or to eliminate upon request, demand, or need. The whole personality will be shaped by this preference, such that the person will either find it easy to spend (eliminate) money and difficult to save (retain) it, or vice versa. One becomes a retentive or eliminative personality. Of course the other mode, the less preferred mode, remains ever possible, but it will simply require more effort and also a deliberate choice each time.

The third level of human identity, that of the "individual" identity, tends to manifest itself all of a sudden, when the toddler suddenly fells and says "I do it myself". Even if it doesn't yet have the skill to do it, the toddler will insist on doing it by themselves. Skillful parents learn how to assist the child without violating this all important sense that they can now do it for themselves.

Somewhere around these ages and stages, with considerable variation from one child to another, a "light" begins to "turn on" within the child's consciousness. It is the "moral compass" which "knows" whether a thing is "good" or "bad". At first it simply mimics the parents but quickly makes each little rule its own. It is quite enlightening to see a child repeating to its doll or teddy bear, often in the parents' own words, precise definitions of rules or behavior, including threats of punishment. The work of a child is carried out in play time, when it repeats what it is observing and learning and in this way building up a repertoire of knowledge about the world and how it works and our place in it.

Shocking but true: each moment opens options into life or towards death

There is no telling at what point any given child may learn to distinguish the difference between a thing that is imagined and a thing that is real, a thing existing in the material and visible world from a thing truly existing in the spiritual and invisible world, a thing safe from a thing dangerous, a thing that is only a whim from a thing that is essential for survival, and so on. So many distinctions are to be learned and made, and every child is quite helpless and dependent and so in need of parenting and guidance and formation and discipline.

Parents, older siblings, aunts and uncles, clergy, teachers, coaches, neighbors, and all manner of folk in a position to accompany and guide a child on a single occasion or in a longer term relationship - all of these find themselves - whether they realize it or not in a position of fiduciary trust. The well being of each child coming into their orbit is entrusted to them, and because the relationship is lopsided in a position of great dependence, much is expected of those who are older and should know better.

Every moment of every day presents to each infant, toddler, child, adolescent, and adult a plethora of options, a veritable labyrinth of choices which, ultimately, either lead toward more abundant life or towards death. Those in formation, and at times even adults, do not immediately see the long term effects and consequences of any given experience, decision, work, act, or failure to speak or act.

How can a human being navigate towards life and away from death?

We all realize and accept that moment by moment we have access to countless points of contact with our inner and outer worlds, and the sheer number of considerations around any given experience or decision or action often drives us to distraction, if not to frustration, or on the contrary to delight. In the school of hard knocks we learn by getting hurt or failing; while in the schools of family, church, and society - both in learning institutions and in the workplace - we benefit from the experience of others. There is no shame in accepting guidance, discipline, and formation. On the contrary, it is wise to do so. At the same time there is satisfaction in making one's own discoveries.

We live in a multiplicity of universes, each with its own laws and ways of functioning, and we refuse to learn them at our own peril. Our own human body is a universe unto itself, with each of billions of cells functioning like little factories with countless intricate and complex functions operating in great harmony. We know about these things now, but from time immemorial people lived in awe of their own body and its many processes.

Our natural environment in which we live and move and have our being also has its own laws and ways of functioning, as do each of the countless living creatures who share this environment with us: micro organisms, insects, fish, crustaceans, reptiles, amphibians, mammals, birds, and those who most resemble us, the great apes. The environment itself is a complex web of interaction and equilibrium between earth, air, and water with such complex operations as plate tectonics, weather, and water currents.

We live in the solar system and, though we cannot reach out to touch the sun, moon, or stars, still they have had a huge impact on our lives, thought, and human society. Since the dawn of time celestial bodies stimulated the human spirit to take notice of the invisible spiritual world, that of God the Creator, angels, saints and demons. While some whimsically dismiss all of these as imaginary, still there is considerable evidence in human history, culture, and religion to indicate that they are all real. That they are invisible to the eye or inaudible to the ear does not necessarily make them unreal.

How then is the human being to navigate successfully towards more abundant life and away from pain, death, and destruction? To use commonly accepted expressions, we must "listen to our body", pay attention to nature and take care of it, take notice of and give consideration to others, and open ourselves to the mysterious realm of the invisible.

In all wisdom, it makes no sense for each human being to have to reinvent the wheel. By schooling at home or in educational institutions we as a society try to inculcate as much knowledge and wisdom as we can in our children and young people. We want to help everyone understand and take care of their own body, to understand and care for nature and the environment, to learn to relate well with others in any number of social situations, to find their place at work and in the world, to discover and relate to the spiritual world, and live a rich and abundant life while contributing to the common good.

It makes no sense for each human being to have to rediscover from scratch any of this common fund of human knowledge, including about moral values and absolutes. Pretty much every human culture, ethnic group, and religion has acquired ways of transmitting to the younger generations what wisdom can derive from the experience of the older generations. In the case of Judaism and Christianity, there is ample and solid evidence to support the claim that God, the Creator of the universe, has intervened directly and revealed certain truths deemed essential for both the survival of humanity in general and the abundant and fruitful life of the individual as well as of the whole community.

Differences in ability and sensibility

Some children - perhaps because they enjoyed an unusually rich family life and loving environment - have in human history displayed remarkable ability in one or more domains from a young age.

Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, played the harpsichord at three and composed at six; Irishman and future mathematician William Rowan Hamilton by three mastered 4 languages and 13 by the age of 13; Spaniard Pablo Picasso by 15 displayed his first large oil painting; Robert James "Bobby" Fischer won the World Chess Championship at 14; South Korean Kim Ung-Yong began to speak at four months and at two could speak Korean, Japanese, German, and English; Californian Kathleen Holtz became a lawyer at 18; Connecticut environmentalist boy genius Colin Carlson enrolled as a college sophomore at 12 and founded an environmental organization; Jacob Barnett of Indiana began to attend university at 8.

Thérèse de Lisieux at 15 exceptionally was accepted to enter a Carmelite convent and took the name Thérèse de l'Enfant Jésus et de la Sainte Face. She died young and was soon after canonized in the Roman Catholic Church. At two she had a mystical, spiritual experience of Mary the Mother of Jesus and this experience marked her for life, opening her up to the spiritual realm. Once her attention was attuned to the spiritual realm she entered into a personal relationship with God, the divine Trinity of Father, Son Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit, which she related in her journal, kept at the request of her superior. Otherwise the world would never have known anything about her experiences.

These examples bring to our attention that each human being needs to pay attention to their own self, to others, to the world around us, and to God. To the degree we ignore or are hindered from opening up to any of these, then to that degree our life is limited. We can still attain great heights, but for us to experience "our full potential" - a phrase very much in favor at this time - we human beings need to open up to all the realms of which we are a part.

Our own abilities and inner disposition are as important as the quality of the care and guidance we can receive from others from a young age. It has been proven in the lab that living beings, including us humans, quickly die without loving care in infancy when we are so dependent. The more we know we are loved, the more we can thrive and embrace fully the life within and without.

Life is a constant process of observation, awareness, discernment, decision, and action

Some life lessons are easily learned because there is almost universal agreement about their truth. No one who truly cares for children would want them to burn themselves or harm themselves in any way. Physical harm is more easily recognized but some forms of harm are less so. Children abused by their own father, especially sexual abuse, suffer this harm usually in hidden ways and silence. They are in some way threatened to keep silence and when they break the silence, such as speaking to their own mother, they are often disbelieved because the mother cannot bear to accept the truth.

Some truths about life are generally accepted to be stable or always true. In our own day much that at one time was considered so is now coming under question. Male human beings were always known to be boys and females to be girls. While there might we a very wide range of expressions of male and female gender; still no one ever seriously questioned their gender until now.

In the ongoing moment by moment labyrinth of sensations, emotions, thoughts, social situations, inner spiritual movements, and overall human experiences, how can human beings from a young age make sense out of all that comes in and that they experience unless they allow themselves to be guided by trustworthy mentors and teachers, not only by word but especially by example?

For Roman Catholic Christians, the model for marriage and family life continues to be one woman to one man for life in complete fidelity and chastity, through a life of sacrificial love and self-giving. However, given all that we have reflected upon above, it is not difficult to conceive how any one child - depending on the accumulating universe of sensations, experiences, choices, pains, joys... might call in question much about themselves.

With the help of psychotherapy and spiritual direction and the strength afforded by God through the sacraments, some men and women who self identified as gay or lesbian have come either to identify as simply man or woman capable of traditional marriage and family life. Others do not achieve this outcome but do embrace a life of chastity through celibacy and discover a meaningful and fruitful life beyond their wildest dreams. Many testimonies can be found with the "Courage" movement.

The current trend to manipulate "gender identity" seems an error given the high complexity of the human experience in general and of human sexuality in particular. Sex is so powerful a faculty by itself as well as in tandem with our fertility and procreative faculty that outside of marriage and family it is difficult to imagine who sexual experience can be "tamed" or "life giving". The sheer magnitude of the desire / pleasure / ongoing desire cycle tends to resemble addiction more than anything else when engaged in outside of the stable structure and support of faithful, life long marriage and family life. It is the family after all that best supports human development and allows human beings to fully develop and open themselves up to others while avoiding the deadly traps of self absorption and obsession that we so so rampant in the world as it is currently so distorted by the degradation and disintegration of western society.

If we human beings are to find our way amid the confusion and safely navigate in the dark towards the light and life while at the same time avoiding the pitfalls that lead to so many forms of death, we need to observe astutely, to be exquisitely aware, to discern rightly what is true from what is false or only apparent, we need to avoid or renounce what is evil and to choose and act for what is the good. We have no lack of resources, teachers, mentors, good examples, and even divine revelation to guide us on our way. It is up to each of us to choose life and renounce death.

It is good that we are not alone

One of the great values of human existence is the treasure of human community. We need not be or live alone because there are always some or many who love us and some or many whom we can love and serve to help them achieve the good. Even those who know nothing of God or the Creator can and do live extraordinary human lives in great philanthropy and public service. The family itself is the place where the most generous human acts take place, often hidden from public view. Children know best the rich ways in which they have been beneficiaries of the selfless service of others.

However, we are often dealt bad hands, find ourselves in deadly situations, get caught in nasty traps, make bad decisions and get into trouble and even hurt. That is why Jesus consistently taught what He called the truth while practicing what He called mercy. According to Jesus, God is patient with us, to allow us time to pick ourselves up with his help; while at the same time out of love for us He warns us quite sternly to avoid all that leads to death. "Choose to live and not to die" God says to everyone.

Our individual roads may not always be straight, but it is important that we look up to see our good destination and navigate by all the stars at our command. It is important that we never give up or give in to discouragement or despair, because we are not gods. We don't need to try to carry the burden of the whole world on our frail shoulders because that is God's job. As John quoted Jesus in the Book of Revelation chapter 3 verses 19-20:

"I reprove and discipline those whom I love. Be earnest, therefore, and repent. Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me."

God wants to share our life, to help us reach higher and achieve farther, all the while enriching the lives of others around us and in the world. We all find it inspiring when we catch sight of someone doing something remarkable for others, with no thought of gain for themselves but only the sheer joy of enriching the lives of others. In our own day we see prepubescent children starting projects that turn into worldwide caring projects thanks to the powerful media of social networks. Churches also continue to act as powerful agents for the common good.

Happy New Year!

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Pope Francis vs critics = mercy vs legalism - People have trouble holding to both the truth and mercy as God has always done towards us.

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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April 8, 2016 Pope Francis released the Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation "Amoris Laetitia", "The joy of love experienced by families...".

This past Fall some cardinals have challenged Pope Francis to clarify what appears to them, and undoubtedly to others, some confusion over his formulations which could be seen to contradict all previous teaching by the Church on moral questions, most notably whether people separated or divorced and currently in a new marital situation might be admitted to the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Communion.

Whatever discussion and confusion may have already existed seems to have been exacerbated by the open publication in November by these cardinals of the text they had previously sent privately to Pope Francis and to which he did not respond. The open discussions from any and all points of view have since proliferated all over the web and social media.

Are all those engaging in these quasi public discussions stating that all of us are to be permitted only one way of treating these questions, that is, by theological discourse, allowing us to utter only clear and categorical statements about morality, such as are to be found in university classrooms?

Are then such categorical dogmatic statements to be the only approach to human beings, regardless of the venue or situation, such as was the practice of the Pharisees in Jesus' day? The logical outcome is that we take upon ourselves the prerogative of God the only true judge and we push this dogmatic discourse to its logical conclusion and pass judgment on each and every human being in any and all possible human life situations, said judgment to be summarily declared on the sole basis of such dogmatic definitions? Then we would no longer recognize God as the only just judge by taking judgment on ourselves, as did the Pharisees who felt quite perfectly justified in carrying out the prescriptions of the Torah in stoning anyone found in any situation of objectively grave sin.

Theoretical or theological discourses on moral issues are one thing, but the treatment of real human beings in the course of daily living is quite another.

If we are not to go the way of the Pharisees, who were quite content to condemn anyone who "stepped out of line" - showing no sign of compassion or of any feeling whatsoever besides the smug satisfaction of "nailing the sinner" - but instead are to follow Jesus' example and teaching; how are we then to understand his ready association with commonly recognized "public sinners"?

His practice of not passing judgment on anyone had as its only exception to contradict the Pharisees when they were on the point of executing the accused while challenging his authority. Jesus did say to that one woman and to a few others "go and sin no more" but He did not make a practice of going around passing judgment of even simply saying "go and sin no more" to everyone. Rather, he left people to their own devices, free will, and conscience to come to righteousness in natural course, asking only that people follow the great commandment of love. About judgement He said "judge not lest you be judged".

I don't necessarily agree with what the bishops of Malta have done, but then again I am not familiar with what pastoral challenges they are trying to address. What I do wonder about is what is this "itch" that people increasingly seem to have to day for wanting nothing but categorical definitions and, in extension, the clear condemnation of all those who don't appear to abide by or fit those definitions? Are people so afraid of employing their own conscience that they need to rely primarily on the universal application of clear dogmatic declarations?

I seem to recall that this is what constituted medieval society: clear definitions of right and wrong, summary judgment of anyone accused of not fitting in, and rapid execution or other punishment of those found guilty. In such a society it was highly possible for people to be externally observant of morality while within they cultivated all manner of evil, and for others to be caught in flagrant error while harboring within them an otherwise innocent and loving spirit and life. This was not much different from the Pharisaical outlook of Jesus' day.

Even in the Old Testament, the Jewish Scriptures, as it is to be found in the Book of the Prophet Ezekiel in chapter 18, when the Lord reveals his own approach and attitude that it is not until the final moment that a soul reveals its true and inherent malice or justice. God does not judge by appearances or by external circumstances - are we have such an appetite to do - but He rather looks at the heart.

The Scriptures are clear about God's justice and clear denunciation of evil and sin, on the one hand, and on the other hand, the Scriptures are replete with God's declarations of patience and mercy towards sinners; lest any be lost. But then again we humans tolerate with great difficulty any semblance of ambiguity and much prefer to drag people to the guillotine. I recall that since the French Revolution the criminal code in France holds guilty anyone accused by simple virtue of their being accused, putting the burden of proof on the accused to demonstrate their innocence. If unable to do so, however innocent they may be, they are submitted to the full rigor of the law.

The new trend in the Catholic Church seems to be to want to bring this French legalism into the life and practice of the Church. I shudder at the thought of it.

We can always rely on our Church and its magisterium to teach with clarity what Jesus taught, but we also look to her to teach and to practice the mercy that Jesus introduced and for which He was killed. We are inclined to forget how difficult it was the first time for Jesus to introduce mercy in a society which could only tolerate legalism. Not much has changed it seems, and as the opposition to Pope Francis demonstrates, it is just as difficult now as then to try to introduce God's own attitude of mercy with justice or justice with mercy in our own day.

We thankfully still grasp the difference between dogma and revelation, between acts of magisterium and the Sacred Scriptures, between words of the Church and the Word of God. It is only right and reasonable to agree on this point. Jesus' teaching was and is clear.

What cannot be so clear is how we bring one person at a time to hear and grasp Jesus' teaching and then apply it to their own lived situation in the free exercise of their own will and conscience as opposed to us, or whoever is in dialogue with them, coming down hard on them with a categorical definition of sin and declaration that they are in that sin now.

Are we to talk to people as judge, jury, and executioner, or are we to walk with them as fellow sinners on the journey towards holiness and do what we can so that they can begin to perceive the light that is shining on the face of Jesus and freely choose to walk, to take steps, towards that light?

When we talk with others, this personal discourse takes place in a matter of minutes or perhaps extended over some days or weeks. God's dealings with each of us stretch out over our lifetimes. Who are we to force people to digest compressed in a short time what we ourselves have experienced as God's patience and learned as God's truth over our lifetime?

This then is no longer public discourse but the new evangelization. Part of this universal effort is about the need for the Church to present to the world both a clear rendering for today of what Jesus always teaches, on the one hand, and on the other hand, a clear statement for today of what Jesus brought as a practical and personal introduction to the mercy of God, which He incarnates.

The discourses of truth and mercy are clearly very different while being complementary and both necessary because they are essential parts of the one reality of the life given to us by God to live as his children and not as orphans or pagans or the damned. We cannot squeeze one discourse into the methods or timing of the other without doing irreparable harm to real, live, breathing human beings, sinners all; as are we ourselves.

It seems that the difficult coexistence of these two discourses is a primary cause of the ambivalence, tension, and even in some cases hysteria which we observe happening in this worldwide discourse over human sexuality, marriage, and family which has been going on since before Venerable Pope Paul VI released his Encyclical "Humanae Vitae" - "The transmission of human life...."

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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