Catholic Survival Guide in a Troubled Marriage

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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When we experience trouble in Marriage, it is difficult to know whether it is still possible for God to help us save our Marriage or whether it has already died. God is eager to help us discern our state of affairs beginning with our own state of soul. It is a miracle of God's power and love when a man or woman who had become completely absorbed in their own concerns - ambitions and fears - turns again to God and once again or perhaps for the first time finds joy in God while at the same time experiencing distress over the trouble or signs of breakup in their Marriage.

Each person makes choices every day. The married man did and still does. The married woman did and still does. We spend much of our lives driven by ambition, insecurity, or fear or any number of other passions, but a driven life often doesn't pay close attention to anyone else. Ineffectively absorbed in our own concerns we become handicapped and perhaps incapable of selflessly loving others. A driven human being develops hardness of heart, a condition that even God finds difficult to penetrate. God must be patient and wait until life's difficult and painful circumstances crack the hard shell of that heart, which is now a broken heart, and only then can God's love begin to seep through the cracks and finally enter into that heart to bring it back to life.

God designed human beings and marriage for each other. In God's design of human beings, a man and a woman can freely come together to be joined together by the power God entrusts to us to love the other as we love our self. The gift of Marriage is manifest when the man loves the woman before himself and when the woman loves the man before herself. They each take responsibility for their own life to care for their own life, to keep themselves healthy and energetic to be able to love the other well, and in time, to love the children entrusted to them by God and to love them well, as they need to be loved.

In the beginning, when the devil tempted the man and the woman, they gave in to the temptation to become selfish. The consequences of their sin is that the man became insecure in his work and in his relation to the earth and to the world. The man throws himself into his work, becoming obsessed with success and ambition and at the same time fearful of failure and of losing everything and afraid of dying. When he looks into his wife's eyes, it is no longer clear whether she respects him and supports him. For her part, the woman became insecure in her relation to others and in her relationship with her husband. She clings to her husband in a way that seems to him exaggerated, or nagging, and he pushes her away, and in time he stops loving her as she needs. When she looks into her husband's eyes, she no longer feels assured that he cherishes her.

To this day this remains the situation of humanity both within and apart from marriage. When the man or the woman remain obsessed with their wants and fears, they become incapable of truly loving the other and treat each other as objects to be possessed, forces to be controlled, resources to be managed, but not as precious persons to be loved and cared for. No marriage can survive such conditions for very long, when one or both no longer really listen to the other, no longer give their undivided loving attention to the other.

The most precious and valuable thing we have is our life, our attention, our genuine interest. As we give our undivided attention and wholehearted interest to others, as we invest ourselves in the other, as we encourage the other and value the other despite their shortcomings and faults; we allow God's power to flow through us and give life to the other. When we keep our attention to ourselves or invest it in things, the flow of God's power, life, and love stops, and we begin to dry up. We no longer give life to the other, and we end up sucking life out of the other, using the other, trying to extract from the other the vitality that we can only truly find in God. In effect we expect other human beings to be god, but it is impossible for them to be god, because like us they are only human. Only God can be god for us.

It is a fact that many people leave their spouses and get out of their marriages primarily for self preservation once they feel that the marriage has become lifeless and a drain. God doesn't approve of marriage breakups, of spouses turning away from one another, of giving up on the other, and of living only for themselves. At such times God can only weep for us and with us. Jesus showed us God's way by allowing his life to be drained out of him to the last drop as He hung on the cross. He accepted to suffer the full consequences of all of our sins in order to reverse the tragic fall of humanity and show us the way back to life, back to God the Father, back to paradise.

Some troubled spouses remain in their dried up marriage and accept to suffer being drained by the other because they count on God to replenish their life every moment of every day. They pray for their troubled spouse and hope they will accept to also turn to God for life and let Him renew them and restore their ability to stop thinking only of themselves and begin again to love the others, their spouse and their children if they have any.

Reader, if your spouse has left you or there are signs that this is about to happen or may happen, I have no idea whether this tragedy can be reversed or stopped. What is at stake is your free will and the free will of your spouse. Unlike taxes, love cannot be extracted by legislation or by force. Love can only be freely given. You can pray for this, but even God cannot force your spouse to do something if your spouse doesn't really want to do it. No one can force another person to act against their will, except through violence or by imposing one's will on the other by force, physical or psychological constraint. This can never be love but only exploitation. It would be dangerous to yourself for you to insist on something against your spouse's free will.

At all times but especially under trial it is very good and life giving for us to turn to God and ask Him for forgiveness, love, and life. I am glad every time that someone is able to accept grace and comfort from God, especially when under such difficult situations in their marriage.

However, as long as God is not real to us we spend our lives relying only on ourselves. We don't let God help us. We refuse his guidance and light. We live in darkness. Marriage is real when the man and the woman make themselves a gift for the other. Their life is a treasure that they freely choose to offer each day to the other out of love. This requires taking attention away from my own wants and giving my attention to the other, caring for the other. This has become so difficult because we no longer live in a Christian society. Society has become pretty much pagan because people live pretty much only for themselves, and by themselves, without God. When we are surrounded by selfishness, it is even harder to be selfless and loving.

Every human being struggles with this because of the original sin. At the beginning, the man and woman turned away from God. They stopped trusting God to give them all they needed. They began a new thing, trusting in a stranger instead of God, the tempter instead of the Creator. The tempter suggested they shouldn't trust God to give them all the good things they needed and wanted. He tempted them to think that they should stop relying on God and just grab for themselves whatever they wanted. He told them that they didn't need God to tell them what is right or wrong, that they could just decide for themselves and by themselves and be like gods.

That is how the first man and woman began deciding for themselves what is right and what is wrong. The creation had been a beautiful work of order and harmony, peace and love, goodness and beauty. They disrupted that harmony by pushing God away. They lost God's love and trust because they stopped trusting and loving God. They lost each other's closeness because they refused to accept responsibility for what they had decided and instead they blamed someone else for what they had done wrong. They became separate from nature because they stopped caring for it and began thinking only about themselves. This continues to be the situation of humanity, of the world, of planet Earth. This is why in our day humanity is endlessly at war, destroying the environment, and killing off so many creatures. This is why we cannot save ourselves, why we need a Savior, why we need God.

We need God every moment of every day for everything. We need the light God is offering so our mind can begin to see things clearly and understand what is really going on in us and around us. We need God's presence dwelling within us to see where we are going and what God is doing.

We need the love God is offering so we can stop trying to squeeze love from other human beings. If we let God love us and learn to love Him, then we will let Him fill us with his love to overflowing and in this way we will know happiness, but no human being can "make us happy" and we ourselves can "make happy" no one. God designed human beings with a huge space inside us to welcome the presence and love of the Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

We cannot understand that because we cannot understand God, who is a divine being, completely different from us and from all that exists in the visible universe. God is a single divine being, but in God there are three divine Persons who live in perfect communion, harmony, love, and peace. God's simple desire that we exist is what is keeping the universe and us in existence. God is bursting with the dynamic energy of divine love, and it is from God's abundant life and energy that the universe was born and continues to exist. God created us in his own image and so we are most human when we accept to live in love and community, letting God's love fill us and move us to love Him back whom we cannot see by loving others whom we can see here on Earth and by accepting to be loved.

As we allow God to bring our will into harmony with his, we allow God to dwell in us and we begin to dwell in God. We live as children of God when we use our freedom to put our trust in God and let Him guide us along the path of our daily life. To become fully alive we need to continue to put God's will first, ahead of our own will, God's great will ahead of our small limited will. This feels impossible because we cannot follow God by our own efforts.

We need the presence, the power, the light and guidance, the love and peace that the Holy Spirit brings. We need to confess our sins to God through Jesus in the Sacrament of Reconciliation... this is a powerful way to practice surrendering our will to God. We need to do this as often as we notice that we have significantly turned away from the Lord.

Then as we participate in the Holy Mass each Sunday and even during the week, at each Mass we offer God our self, our life, all that we want and fear, all our responsibilities, all our weaknesses, and all our desires along with the bread and wine, and we let Jesus unite our offering of self with his, our spirit with his. Then, at Holy Communion the heavenly Father gives us his answer to our offering, our sacrifice. His answer is his gift to us forever the same, Jesus his Son, so that Jesus may slowly transform us and, with our daily consent, enable us to resemble Him more and more, and enable us to live our life as He did while He was on Earth. Jesus alone can enable us to live fully here and, when it is God's time, in Heaven.

There is nothing more delightful on Earth perhaps than people who trust in God together and share their lives together: husband and wife, parents and children, relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors, cities, nations.... That is the kingdom of God: people who come to know that God is real, who experience God's love for them and accept that love including his forgiveness and mercy, and who begin and continue to know God's will and try to do it with his help, who discover God's ways and ever ask his help to walk in them.

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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United in prayer for Muslim people on Earth

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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As I read Pope Francis’ address to diplomats on the occasion of our Christmas celebration of the Nativity of Jesus and of the Holy Innocents whose deaths helped save Jesus, and his call for the Muslim world to unite in opposing those who falsely perpetrate violence in the name of religions, it occurred to me that what is happening in the Muslim world, in countries where Muslims are in the majority, is similar to what in the past happened in Germany as the National Socialist Party slowly rose to power.

The Nazis, from the first even when they were but a minor and almost insignificant party and they could have easily been snuffed out, they expertly and strategically employed harsh brutality to radiate an aura of irresistible power. With time they became increasingly audacious and dangerous; so that citizens quickly withdrew into silence, hoping that if they remained quiet and unnoticed they might escape becoming victims of that violence.

Well, they were wrong and no one escaped suffering the dire consequences of the Nazis rising to power. It seems to me that something similar is happening now, first in Muslim nations, but also on the world stage. The tactics of these new brutes employing terror to impose their agenda on others are much the same: pound to a pulp anyone who gets in the way, speaks up, or opposes, or simply kill them, and brutally, for maximum effect. Legitimate laws are abused and employed for such dishonest motives as to eliminate business competitors, or neighbors one doesn’t like, or people of another faith, or just on a whim… and those accused often don’t get a chance to get to court because the simple fact of the accusation stirs up the mob into fury and vigilante terrorist acts are perpetrated.

Lest we fall into a “holier than thou” attitude we need to remember that in our own European past, in the Middle Ages there was a practice known as the “hue and cry”. If someone raised the alarm and shouted out “thief” or “murder” or “fire” or some such trouble the people of the village or town would drop everything and come running to the sound. Once a few details were given about the alleged perpetrator, the newly excited mob would go on a rampage and seek out the party accused of the wrongdoing. It was known to happen that once the unfortunate accused was found, depending on how they appeared to the crowd, they were found to “look guilty” and beaten or even killed on the spot. It was too bad if later it was discovered that the truth was not quite as presented.

Such social mechanisms can be exploited as convenient ways to get rid of people you don’t like. In a society of law and order the truth can at some point be established and those guilty of making false accusations taken to justice. However, when a society is a theocracy – not unlike Middle Ages Europe – the power or order and justice can be wielded by those deemed to have religious authority.

In some places on Earth at this time it seems sufficient for a person to claim to speak for a god or his representative for them to enjoy the blind and total following of crowds or mobs of those well disposed to experience the “rush” of carrying out extreme actions for ideological reasons.

Even if this view of things is only partially true, don’t you think, dear reader, that our brothers and sisters, especially Muslims, living in theocratic nations, are in need of our prayerful support before God, that He may give them the light and grace they need to resist the terror tactics of this new breed of ideological power hungry fanatics?

“Father in Heaven, we pray for all those of our brothers and sisters living on Earth in our generations who are subject to fear at the sight of brutal acts carried out against neighbors or under the growing influence of individuals and groups using brutality in the name of religious ideology to eliminate those they want to get rid of, especially those of other faiths. You are the only true God, and all power is Yours, and You have given all power to your divine Son, incarnate in Jesus Christ, Risen from the dead and Judge of the nations. Have mercy, we pray on all those in fear of their lives in the face of brutality: fill them with your light and the strength of your Spirit to oppose the darkness and stand for goodness and truth. Pour out your Spirit once again upon all mankind for the humiliation of all doers of evil and for the raising up of your true children, in the holy Name of Jesus, your Son, our Lord. Amen!”

“O Mary, Our Lady of Good Counsel, Help of Christians, pray for us and for all mankind. Amen.”

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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You are Unique - God has a mission for you

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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This reflection was first posted in October 2014

You are UNIQUE
 
From the world’s beginning there has never been, nor will there ever be, anyone like you. No one else has your eyes, your smile, your hands or hair. Nobody in the whole universe can see things like you. You are unique.

Blessed be God our Creator who formed you from the first moment you existed in your mother’s womb. He knew half of you when your mother was being formed with all her eventual eggs in her mother’s womb – at her birth your mother already carried millions of eggs – these diminished to 40,000 by her puberty of which only 400 matured from puberty till menopause, and among them all, God picked you.

God knew the other half of you among the millions of spermatozoa – each existing for only 60 days before being reabsorbed – developed and carried over and over since puberty by your father. One unique egg developed since conception by your mother and one unique sperm briefly existing among millions in your father – each containing 23 unique chromosomes, half of you – had only 60 days to join. God saw them, He wanted you, and He brought them together to make you.

You are different from any other person who ever lived in the history of the world; you are the only person on this earth who has your specific collection of abilities.

In the whole world there will be nobody who can walk, speak, think or do things like you can. Your need to imitate somebody else is absolutely wrong because you are rare and this is your value, to be you, and with God, to become you fully.

You are unique and your life was not a mistake; please realize that God created you for a specific reason – for your own good, for the good of others, and for God.

He has a mission for you, which nobody can do as well as you can.

There are millions of activities which can be done in this world, but God has the right one for you. This is because you are unique and have the right combinations which God needs. Your life – your suffering, your love, your joy – is all in God.

That is you, an outstanding person created by an outstanding God. Love Him.

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2006-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2006-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Is truth opposed to compassion?

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” This statement has been used in varying forms for a century or so and has become a modern idiom. We can imagine the Scribes and Pharisees employing it to criticize Jesus for showing compassion to people who had a reputation as public sinners. The tension between standing for the truth and treating with compassion and understanding those in the wrong is not a new one.

There is no doubt that we human beings need to know, respect, and be guided by the truth as it is to be found throughout creation – truth about the way things are designed by the Creator – and the truth about ourselves as creatures among others who enjoy the distinction of being endowed with intellect, conscience, a capacity for compassion, and free will. It is only logical that we live in harmony with all truth, but the human condition shows plainly that from the beginning humanity wandered away from the truth as well as from God in an attempt to take to oneself the highest authority and the prerogative of absolute or final judgement and decision making.

The dilemma and struggle of human beings is that we seek to be self-sufficient when in fact we are contingent beings, dependent on a higher power that coincides with both our origin and our destiny. The consequences of alienating ourselves from the truth is nothing less than devastating. Much if not almost all human suffering is the direct or indirect result of living in defiance of the truth and of the nature of things, as well as of our own nature. Despite our pitiable condition, there is something in us that recoils at the thought of admitting that we fall short of the idealized image we have of ourselves, which is simply an expression of our desires for higher meaning and purpose for our lives.

And so it happens that there develops a disconnect between our life as it truly is – which is generally visible to others if not to ourselves – and our life as we want it to be. We can congratulate ourselves on having attained certain measures of order, discipline, health, success, and any other quality while at the same time denigrating those who manifest lesser measures of those same qualities. We can judge others and attribute to them motives and dispositions that would make them blameworthy and fit for punishment or deserving of the host of unhappy circumstances that may be theirs.

The alternative to such attitudes and treatment of others is to consider instead not so much the other’s circumstances, faults, failures, or sin, as rather their value as a person, their dignity in God’s eyes, and their potential for excellence and perfection. This is the approach Jesus of Nazareth took towards all others from the poorest to the richest, from those in authority to those of no status or consequence, and He formed his disciples to treat everyone equally, in the same way, in accord with instructions given by God in the Old Testament to Moses to judge without partiality of any kind.

It is true that in his teaching, Jesus was firmly in harmony with his Jewish Tradition and with the Jewish Scriptures. In fact, his enemies could never fault Him and when they wanted to put Him to death they needed to produce false witnesses to mount a fictitious and malicious case against Him. 

 It is also true that Jesus seemed to put aside concern for debating the truth when He was faced with a sinner, public or private. With real people before Him, Jesus shifted his focus away from defense of the Law to the value of the person and treated them in a way coherent with their dignity in God’s eyes. Jesus respected each person's responsibility to direct their own life and to allow God to form their conscience, and He evidently respected the time frame that is unique to each person.

He did not belabor the person’s faults even when these were blatantly apparent, but rather took into consideration the humiliation the person may have already suffered. He gave people the benefit of the doubt that they hoped to stop sinning and reform themselves and did not make any demands of them, nor do we have much evidence that Jesus followed sinners up to assure that they were holding up their end of the bargain after having been forgiven, with perhaps the exception of the man He healed whom He met again in the Temple and whom He warned not to sin again lest something worse befall him. So Jesus took seriously public declarations and teaching about the truth, but then He manifested God’s own respect for human freedom and patience with our behavior.

There are two primacies at work here: the primacy of the truth and the primacy of the freedom of conscience and free will. Truth and free will are not in opposition, nor do they trump each other in any way. Conscience and will are on a journey to enter into perfect coherence with truth, and that is the work of a lifetime. Human beings do not have the absolute power of divine will to once and for all make themselves perfect by a sheer act of will.

Instead, we must carry the cross of our weakened will and disturbed conscience, and come to grips with the reality that God clearly intends to allow our suffering and sin to drive us back into his loving arms. Divine Mercy is the only lasting solution to our agony.That God forgives does not give us license to do anything without regard for value or consequences, for that would be folly, and it would be self destructive and offensive to God, and therefore injurious to our relationship with our Creator. Each person must accept to carry their own cross, their own burden of responsibility for the freedom and dignity bestowed upon them by God, and no one can or should meddle with that freedom and responsibility.

The one major exception to this is the case of public wrong or scandal or of the abuse or harm of others, especially minors, the handicapped, or other persons in conditions of vulnerability. We as a whole community are responsible, and those in authority all the more responsible, to intervene in cases of sin where one is injuring others, scandalizing the innocent, or abusing those unable to come to their own defense. 

A quick stop must be immediately put to violence and abuse of any kind that exploits the vulnerable and innocent among us, especially children and those in a position to expect respect from those having authority over them at their service. Relations involving fiduciary trust, such as the trust given to clergy, medical professionals, teachers, coaches, parents, and others who because of their role must acknowledge that those putting trust in them are put in a vulnerable stance by virtue of that trust, that fiduciary trust, the trust of one accepting to serve another.

At all times, like Jesus, we have responsibility to care for others, to do our part in upholding the truth, accept to journey with one another, to give and to receive formation and mentoring, and to do it all with an attitude of charity and compassion, which, as the Apostles taught, truly considers others to be better than oneself. I am the sinner that I know the best; so it stands to reason that I am the worst sinner that I know. As for other sinners, I don’t really know what is inside them and what manner of struggles or efforts are theirs; so only God is competent to judge.

For this reason no one is entitled to “jump on another” on the basis of observable behavior, with the exception of cases of abuse or exploitation of vulnerable persons as mentioned above. For all other cases not involving the obligation of public intervention for the protection of the vulnerable, Jesus gave us a protocol in Matthew 18:15-20 for fraternal correction. 

 

We are to speak to the other privately first so that we can try to reach some understanding in complete mutual respect. If the person refuses to listen, we can return with a few witnesses and try again to reach some understanding about the apparent fault. If they still refuse to listen, then we can approach them with and through the community leadership, and try again to achieve reconciliation for the good of all. If the parties still refuses to listen, Jesus says, we are to treat them as Gentiles or tax collectors. This doesn’t mean to treat them like dirt, but rather, to treat them like potential seekers that are temporarily lost.

The Jewish Temple had a Court of the Gentiles so that Gentile seekers could come in and chat with devout Jews and find their way to God. This is why Jesus cleansed the Temple, to restore the Court of the Gentiles to its original purpose in God’s plan. Tax collectors too were simply lost children of Israel, as shown by Jesus’ treatment of Zacchaeus when this man gave a little sign of interest in Jesus.

Pope Francis calls us to adopt and practice the same attitudes as Jesus and consider strangers and sinners simply as children of God who are temporarily lost, who are potential seekers of God. This is why he constantly calls us to go to the “peripheries” of life, where such people live, and make ourselves a neighbor to them and open ourselves to friendship with them. In telling the Parable of the Good Samaritan, the question Jesus put to the lawyer who was trying to entrap Him was, “Which of these men made himself a neighbor to the man beaten by thieves?”

When our interlocutors agree that our discussion is a debate about the truth, then we can give ourselves wholeheartedly to vigorous debate and highlight all that we can muster from creation to the Sacred Scriptures to persuade those who in our view may be in ignorance of certain elements of the truth. 

However, when the people we meet or are chatting with have no intention or desire of debating the truth but are merely struggling with the truth in the circumstances of their life, they are not at that point in need of debate or eloquent defenses of the truth, but like the people Jesus met, they are in need of someone willing to make himself or herself a good neighbor, a friend, someone who can put aside obsession with ideal truths and activate human compassion for the truth embedded in a suffering fellow human being.

People all have an innate capacity to discern the light shining from the Holy Trinity, and a willingness to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit. When the troubles of life and the confusion caused by sin, suffering, and human frailty impede a person’s progress in seeking God, the Holy Trinity are counting on our compassion to touch people in pain and trouble.

Our willingness to accept them as they are and to love them as they are – as God constantly does for us – is the instrumentation that God needs to continue doing his work in souls. The Holy Trinity are constantly at work, 24 / 7, and we are merely workers of the last hour. When we touch other people’s lives, we are merely arriving at the last moment after God has already been working in their lives for years, decades….

For this reason in approaching others we need to tread lightly, with great humility and consideration, and the faith that holds and respects that the primary work in other souls is being done by God. If God has needed forty years to bring a certain truth to my attention, who am I to attempt to shove such a truth down another person’s throat NOW, just because I decide they should adhere to it now?

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Family Prayer - challenge and blessing

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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While it may be a steep challenge for married couples to pray together each day, as parents they can take joy that it is easier to pray together as a family. Parents can give thanks to the Lord that their children - especially young children - are by their very presence and by soaking up their parents' presence and love are in effect allowing God to create among them a loving atmosphere of family, within which parents as well can feel comfortable to pray openly to the Holy Trinity.

If you, reader, are married, you could take this as a friendly warning, that for a husband and wife to pray together it is more difficult and challenging than taking off one's clothing, because clothing covers only the body, especially its more vulnerable parts; whereas silence or reluctance or unwillingness to pray together covers much more... all of our inner thoughts, feelings, fears and insecurities about ourselves, faith but also doubts about the profound mystery of God the Holy Trinity, all the fears and uncertainties about life, our future, our security, the well-being of our loved ones, and the success or failure or delay in accomplishment of all our plans, desires, and work.... All that we carry and host deep within us appears to be infinite because it probably is, which elicits very deep and strong feelings....

There is so much concealed beneath the thin veil of our silence that to even think of lifting the veil to our own awareness, let alone to another - however beloved that other is - can be and is for most people frightening and overwhelming. This explains the strong reluctance to do it and the strong emotional reaction when we ask or propose it when the other would rather not go there.... Also, the extent and depth of our holiness before God has much to do with the quality of our love of and care for others as well as love and care of our self, our own life. For this reason we are incompetent to judge the relative holiness of others, however flawed or weak they may in some ways appear to us.

This is another reason to hold others in high esteem and respect and even to consider them better than ourselves. This was recommended by many of the saints and is even in Scripture in one of Paul's letters. This attitude allows us to live in humility, in truth about ourselves, others, and God in the abiding and uninterrupted divine presence of the Holy Trinity within us and around us. Whatever we see and hear in another that appears to us to be wrong, in error, or possibly sinful, all this can simply inform how we can pray for them and pour out our love for them in this way and also through understanding, sympathy, compassion, and support. You remember how St Francis composed a hymn enshrining the wisdom he discovered that it is far better rather than be understood, to seek to understand; rather than be consoled, to console; rather than be loved, to love, and to be the first to forgive whenever forgiveness is needed.

As you consider the rich interior life of your spouse and father / mother of your children and the deep mystery of all that the Holy Trinity know, see, and love in them and all that God is working in them through their own natural processes and moment to moment thoughts, feelings, discernment, decisions, efforts, and labors, you as a person of faith could allow yourself to stand in awe of your spouse's deep mystery and entertain much interior dialogue with the Lord about them and your love for them and your desires and hopes for them, providing you are in accord with the Father's will for your spouse.... As you pray in such ways for him or her, you will find the Lord deepening your respect and love for them and I am quite certain that they will sense something of this through the peace and loving look they will most definitely perceive from you....

If you and your spouse do not yet prayer daily or even regularly, you remain free on occasion to ask your spouse to pray with you, but when you prepare to do so, may I suggest you first pray for them and about this, submitting your desires and needs to the Holy Trinity, asking God to purify your desires, needs, heart, mind, body, and soul, and then live in peaceful anticipation until the moment when you sense it is right to mention to your spouse your desire. Then may I suggest you frame it in terms of your own need, something like:

"Beloved, do you have a moment? With all that has been happening lately... (give examples) I have been feeling lonely and uncertain in my praying (or whatever your actual experience and feelings are).... I have been thinking and praying about this and I realize that I need you. I feel so secure and at peace when you accept to pray with me. You are my strength. Would you please think about it and let me know soon when you would be willing for us to pray together for a little while?"

You will see how he or she responds. If they manifest great reluctance you can let them see that you understand how difficult it is for them, and maybe they could simply do it like they do with your children and not worry about anything but just keep it simple. You could say you seem to recall Jesus saying something about how we should be as simple as children before God.

Know that I keep couples and families in my mind, heart, and soul for my daily prayer before the Lord for his Family....

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Christians still suffer, but with hope in God - four ways to better endure the intense pain of loss and separation

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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It is an inescapable reality to both enjoy life and to suffer it. Our very capacity to enjoy makes us capable of suffering to the same degree. As difficult as it is to personally suffer from various conditions and circumstances, It is so very difficult to stand by helplessly as someone we love suffers. I know this from personal experience - it is unavoidable for anyone who loves - how difficult it is when in the face of a loved one in pain all our desire might be to make it better or simply take all the pain away. From our roman catholic and orthodox Christian faith traditions we have come to find four ways to better endure the intense pain of loss and separation, all the more painful when it is compounded by sudden and inexplicable tragedy.

The first "way" is common to all Christians. We remember that God so loved us that the Father sent his willing Son to come among us that we might no longer be alone or struggle against such great odds by ourselves. We realize we still have Jesus as our captain, our champion, just a step ahead of us. He braved the worst of what can befall any of us and shows us the way forward. He lifts our gaze up to see our Father and his immeasurable love for us. There is no better comfort than to feel something of that love.

The second way is also common to all Christians... it is Jesus Himself. He is the living Word of God - the divine Son - and we can draw great strength and comfort from pondering this Word in the Sacred Scriptures. At times as we ponder and pray over lines from the Psalms, Proverbs, Gospels, Letters, and so on... it is as though He speaks to us, to me, personally.

With this living food our spirit mobilizes our flesh to go on and take a few more steps.... A growing intimacy that the Word brings about within us lifts us up into the living God in ways that words cannot tell, as Saint Paul put it, and though our pain remains, it is slowly absorbed into God. In ways that are unique for each person, our pain can become "glorious" or "radiant" as Jesus' own wounds have become. That is, we find we are able to experience comfort, hope, confidence of being loved, even hope for the future - while still caught in the pain of our losses - and this simultaneous suffering and unearthly joy becomes life giving to others around us as they too behold what is happening to us and they get caught up in it....

The third way is partly common to all Christians and is also Jesus from a different perspective, as still present and active among us and within us. Baptism is common to all Christians, a new life, an infusion of divine life in us by the presence and work of the Holy Trinity, that begins to reshape us into children of God. There is a true yet ever mysterious pouring out of the divine life of the Trinity into us and an ongoing presence and action of the divine persons that enables us to progressively experience, think, speak, act, and behave more and more as Jesus did. This too becomes life giving for others to see. We are given much comfort and hope as we see the living God so mysteriously yet so tangibly be present and act within us, lifting us up, slowly transforming us, and also acting for others through us.

What our catholic and orthodox tradition offers us as seven "sacraments" are stable and life giving mysterious encounters with the living God in the person of Jesus. As we stumble in our weak human flesh and fall in our personal sinfulness, we encounter Jesus in a personal way - much as people in the Gospels did - in what we call Reconciliation. As we confess our sins before a priest, it is to Jesus that we confess, and through the priest it is Jesus Himself who says to us "Your sins are forgiven you. Go, and sin no more." Because much of our grief is pain exacerbated by our sins and often by regrets, experiencing personally Jesus forgiving touch is incredibly healing and comforting.

In our experience of the Holy Eucharist, the Bread of Life and Chalice of Salvation are so real, so very much the living Body and Blood of Christ, that we receive nothing less than a "transfusion" of divine life when we receive Jesus in Holy Communion. He takes us by the hand and enables us to more willingly and eagerly give our life for others as He does for us. Confirmation strengthens us in our walk of faith much as the Father's voice did for Jesus, calling Him his beloved Son. When we are sick or injured, the Anointing of the Sick brings us the healing touch of Jesus himself... this is how we experience it. The sixth and seventh sacraments or mysterious encounters with the living God are vocational: Holy Orders in which Jesus makes for himself deacons, priests, and bishops to pastor his people, and Marriage to introduce married couples into a life of Matrimony to experience the mystery of God's spousal love for his Church, for all of us baptized, as for his Bride. All of these are the third way.

The fourth way is about the presence and action of the Holy Spirit, whom in the creed we call "Lord and Giver of life", and of whom Saint Paul had much to say, the promise of Jesus. We believe it is the Holy Spirit who enables us to perceive the presence and action of the Holy Trinity within us and to cooperate with God for our own good and transformation as well as for the good of others. As we become more familiar with the three divine persons, as they progressively reveal themselves to us personally, it is not that our sufferings in this life are less, if anything our capacity to suffer them is enhanced - our sensibility or sensitivity increasing causes the pain in a way to become more "exquisite" - however, the increasing place of the Holy Trinity within us and our progressively being drawn more deeply into the life and love of the Trinity begins to make our personal suffering pale or diminish in proportion.

Our entire perspective comes to life and changes. Like God, we also become better able to tolerate the pain of others, to see it is their journey that they travel as they must, but we can with peace allow them to go on suffering and walking on, knowing they are not alone, that their God is with them, and that somehow, our willingness to bear some of their pain in some way diminishes the intensity of it for them. They know and sense that God also comforts them through us.

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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Happy Fathers' Day to all men!

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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It's not easy to be a man, or a woman, but we become more human with every thought, decision, word, action, gesture, attitude, and prayer....

It's not easy to be a mother, or father, but we become more generative with every gift of self to our spouse, our children, and our neighbor....

God disciplines us his children, and the more we accept it the holier and more loving, more truthful, more just, more good, more beautiful we become, and we in turn are to discipline those in our care with the same firmness, kindness, and loving mercy our heavenly Father and our Lord Jesus shows us, in the life giving Holy Spirit.

Happy Fathers' Day!

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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God guides us through the storm of life and temptations by Satan and his demons

My purpose in these posts is to bring a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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Spiritual insight into God, or our own life, or the universe and God's creation, or into life itself is a gift from God... thanks be to God who is so great and yet so close to us and so kind and considerate as to care for each of us, though we are so many....

Life is awesome and it's normal for human beings to at times feel overwhelmed, especially when we are young because there is so much we have yet to discover and begin to understand, but even in middle age or old age, as the "scenery" of our life changes, we can feel disoriented and lost with the impression we may have to start all over again. This can appear as though we might be "losing our faith" but often it is simply that a more naive form of faith needs to "die" in order to make room for a more mature and robust faith that takes into account the complex realities of life and the many levels of our own inner complexity and human frailty....

I rejoice with all believers and fellow pilgrims and thank God for the way in which He let us know that He is there and loves us. The "withdrawal pains" or troubling doubts we may feel after having "religious experiences" or moments of "grace" when we felt "close to God" or as if all was "right with the world" or that "we were in the right place or exactly where we were meant to be"... all such experiences help us understand why God does not generally "show Himself" to us yet... we are not ready to experience the great intensity of his dynamic presence and love... so we have the gift of time and life on Earth as a time of preparation, and all of life - both the good and the bad - are used by God to help us grow, be stretched, deepen, and widen our spirit and bring our flesh to serve our spirit and of course God and our neighbor. Pope Francis talks much about all these things.

We have to be careful about what we see and hear on TV these days... there are so many programs and episodes that present themselves as scientific research and discovery when in fact they employ a "little science" in order to camouflage flagrant theories which fail to take into account overwhelming quantities of evidence that quite frankly shows their theories are unfounded.

Take for example St Paul. I have seen TV episodes claiming that St Paul exerted undue influence on the early Church and in effect started a new religion that was not and is not in accord with Jesus' intentions. This is the voice of those who set themselves up as critics and naysayers against the Roman Catholic Church and Tradition. There is nothing further from the truth. It is clear from the Acts of the Apostles that Jesus knew exactly what He was doing when He chose Saul and through the grace of conversion made him into Paul.

It does seem as though Paul exercised an overly predominant influence on the early Church and could seem "over represented" in the New Testament... take Paul away and you only have the Gospels, Acts, the other pastoral letters, and Revelation left. It is true that Paul formulated much of the theology that has allowed the Church to deepen her understanding of much of what Jesus said and did.

That is the whole point though, that Paul invented nothing but only reflected deeply on what Jesus said, did, was, and is, and Jesus used then and uses now Paul to bring us closer to Himself. No, the thought that Paul started his own religion is quite wrong, and you are wise to recognize this as a doubt, even a temptation.

Remember dear Reader when you consider your own doubts or confusion on these matters how Satan treated Jesus. First he tried to seduce his human instincts with appeals to our human appetites and wants. When that failed he left Him alone until a later time, which was in the Garden of Gethsemane, at which time he unleashed all the fury he could muster through the instruments of the authorities and soldiers and even bystanders, who all mocked Him....

We cannot expect better treatment from demons than Jesus got. First they appeal to our human weaknesses and passions. When that fails they try the use of power, either supernatural power or material power through natural disturbances or through people. The "storms" we experience in life and in our spirit are not likely the effect of God or his angels but rather the rebellious angels or demons. Why do I think this?

You have only to read the Book of Job to see how God has shown us the true nature of his love and the true nature of Satan and his followers. They are out to "get us" but God takes our part. The Word of God tells us that God never tempts us nor intimidates us nor accuses us. In Revelation 12:10 God makes it clear through John's words that those who accuse the children of God and denounce them before God are Satan and his demon rebellious angels.

God in his kindness, mercy, and respect for the freedom of his intelligent creatures continues to allow even the demons certain freedom, as we can see in the Book of Job, but He imposes limits on what they can do, and all of this just becomes part of God's plan to allow his children the opportunity to have the joy and satisfaction of sharing in Jesus' victory by choosing to resist and fight as Jesus did.

The battle line runs right down the middle of the human heart, which God says in Jeremiah 17:1 is very tortuous and convoluted... we cannot trust our own heart and must certainly not follow it. However, our heart is an important part of us and so we need to pay attention to it, to notice its movements and moods, and learn what our heart is telling us at any given moment about what is happening within us and outside us and in others and how we are reacting to that. Being aware of all these things helps us to understand the situation and to judge what to do in light of God's Word and will.

We need to verify our understanding against God's Word and guide our judgment and actions and words in accord with God's holy will, which means guiding our heart, not following it. We can see, often in retrospect looking back, how God has guided and protected us from following our heart... Even in the face of terrible dark times and awful temptations to go so far as to take our own life, we have not taken our life but are accepting to struggle through it all, to live as fully as we can, by God's grace and in accord with his love and will.

This is the human life of faith in God through Jesus about which St Paul spoke and wrote so eloquently and profoundly precisely because he accepted to live life fully, to follow Jesus with all his might, and to desire one thing alone, to allow Jesus to live in him and "reproduce" his life within Paul.

It is the greatest grace of God that He offers to do the same in each of us.... Peace to you dear Reader and to your family, colleagues, friends, enemies, and loved ones....

  Fr. Gilles

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My purpose in these posts is to help spread the contributions of a variety of Christian and other writers in a desire to share significant writings that in my estimation contribute to the common good and directly or indirectly give glory to God and extend the Lord's work of salvation to all of humanity. G.S.

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© 2004-2021 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2004-2021 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC 

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